Hitting the hammer hard on the head, does not always calm down the demon inside. i wonder sometimes how do i keep thinking for long hours without a blink, on the same subject and on the same line. i keep questioning myself with those things, answers to which i already know. and i dont stop, i keep repeating and then i frustrate myself. but i dont change. stubborn i am.
lots of things wrestling in me since a few days.silly but as i said, i dont let my mind rest. out of all the weird threads of thoughts tangling themselves in my non stop evaluation machine-my mind, one particular thing kept resurfacing several times. i decided to sort it out today itself, if i do not succeed, i would be calm about having atleast attempted to do so.
i have always been very particular about truth and lie in my life and in majorly all the relationships surrounding it. that doesnt mean i never lied, but i can vouch for myself, i never lied to harm or cheat anyone. but many a times, people question your integrity and that irritates you, especially those whom you entrust with almost all revealations of your life book. and repetition of such allegations by those close to your heart, sometimes put you into self doubting situations. and if this repeats then you kind of start believing them of your non-integrity.
when thought about things in minutest of its being, i realised those with the deadly demand of your honesty are the only people who does'nt have the ability to accept your truth. Initially they pretend that they can bear your your naked truth, they appreciate your boldness, gradually they start evaluating your actions, then they develop a habit of reacting hurt and non-compliant to what you say and lastly they blame you for what you do, they reject your truthfulness in utter sense and ultimately leave you least confident to confide in them. And when you stop telling the truth, they call you liar...strange..but i have experienced this.
i remember when i was in class 11th, one day when i was talking to my aunt in the kitchen where she was deep immersed in thoughts and cooking simultaneously, a remark of mine on relationships made her reply sternly to me in very clear words and statement which said, " don't tell everything to the one you trust"..she meant to say , dont open up yourself to someone so much so that enables the other one to attack on your weaknesses and play with your strenghts.
well...this was one of the confrontations i had with myself in the very recent time..talk to you about other things later.
lots of things wrestling in me since a few days.silly but as i said, i dont let my mind rest. out of all the weird threads of thoughts tangling themselves in my non stop evaluation machine-my mind, one particular thing kept resurfacing several times. i decided to sort it out today itself, if i do not succeed, i would be calm about having atleast attempted to do so.
i have always been very particular about truth and lie in my life and in majorly all the relationships surrounding it. that doesnt mean i never lied, but i can vouch for myself, i never lied to harm or cheat anyone. but many a times, people question your integrity and that irritates you, especially those whom you entrust with almost all revealations of your life book. and repetition of such allegations by those close to your heart, sometimes put you into self doubting situations. and if this repeats then you kind of start believing them of your non-integrity.
when thought about things in minutest of its being, i realised those with the deadly demand of your honesty are the only people who does'nt have the ability to accept your truth. Initially they pretend that they can bear your your naked truth, they appreciate your boldness, gradually they start evaluating your actions, then they develop a habit of reacting hurt and non-compliant to what you say and lastly they blame you for what you do, they reject your truthfulness in utter sense and ultimately leave you least confident to confide in them. And when you stop telling the truth, they call you liar...strange..but i have experienced this.
i remember when i was in class 11th, one day when i was talking to my aunt in the kitchen where she was deep immersed in thoughts and cooking simultaneously, a remark of mine on relationships made her reply sternly to me in very clear words and statement which said, " don't tell everything to the one you trust"..she meant to say , dont open up yourself to someone so much so that enables the other one to attack on your weaknesses and play with your strenghts.
well...this was one of the confrontations i had with myself in the very recent time..talk to you about other things later.
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