(245) Need sleep

I desperately need some sleep and peace of mind. Why can't this thinking machine be put off for some while?

(242) The sun will shine again

When in dilemma, I start feeling faze. Most of the arguments that my mind presents, fail to make an impact at the heart level. Now that I have lived above three decades of the present life, I have learnt enough to understand one thing very clearly, which states that nothing is forever. Be it joy, sorrow, aches, exhilarations, meticulous emotions, affections, connections, or the people you belong to and people you are fond of, nothing remains with you forever. Some hormonal imbalance I guess, that does bring the catastrophe. The debacle I go through when confronting the poignant upheaval, has always been an endeavor to sweat for. I feel vacuum, stillness, a void everywhere, in the surrounding, in other’s voice, my thoughts, my mind, my body, my breath and in the entire existence. And parallel to all, I feel equally disastrous commotion in everything in and around me. The dilemma crops up and the havoc begins right there. Uffff….!!..

I know it’s temporary. The sun will shine again and there will rise a wonderful morning. I will have hundred beautiful things to look at and feel good about. I will have numerous reasons to smile, laugh, give, share and be happy about. I will have new reasons to love myself one more day and for sure I will have more opportunities to pay back my share to this amazing world which has added its contribution in making me who I am.

(234) Oh yes..! I am good!

Perhaps the lengthiest post! Not sure about it though..but definitely needs a good time of yours, so read when you can read it till the end. Scroll down and decide the time when you would want to read!

This post has been in tow since first week of July. And it kept altering its structure in my mind with every new incident adding up in days that followed, and somehow each fitted well in the context that this post contained. Well, this led to change the post entirely in the end result, although the idea behind writing it up remained unbothered. Yes, I am actually confused what to start with, so many things rushing through mind and only two hands not able to accommodate them through the keyboard. Hope I do not miss out anything, as I hardly go back and edit the posts. Only when I read them after shooting, I often realize the missing links, but lazy me..don’t edit them ahead.

Alright, here we go…

Though people say it’s not good to live life according to other’s opinions and it best be lived by our own good judgment, we often find ourselves trapped in the ambush of the believes and views of others about us and tend to look at ourselves through their eyes, and not always but often we accept that very image of ourselves to be true. And for that matter it stands true, regardless of the opinion being negative or positive. The influence remains so strong on our minds, that we cease to look at ourselves in other light and gradually we stamp that very image of ours as the irrevocable one. If it’s positive, we carry a danger of being one swollen with pride if not kept checked, and if it’s negative, we run with a risk of falling in the dismal pit of unenthusiastic living and contrite attitude towards self and others.

So, either ways, it doesn’t do much of good to be too reliant on other’s views to live our lives. Listen, evaluate, and be rationale in letting other’s words impact you and your thoughts. It’s not utterly harmful to give a ear to what others have to say, but it is definitely not the best idea to be a cerebrally dead follower of other’s analysis about your own life.

I have been a person at times who, well honestly, most of the times, who gets severely crashed down by the words and thoughts that others have to say in verdict about me. And often they end up to be the people closest to my heart. Not that others don’t enjoy disorienting me, but people whom I give the access to the innermost domes of my being, have time and again satiated their self-esteem by telling me that I am not good a person that I pretend to be(and be rest assured…I never pretend). And mostly, such things happen when I fall at cross angles with such sweethearts, my loving people and because they do not find better ways to hurt me back, they try to prove me unworthy of their adoring showers. I have never ceased to love them, but of course, their views about me have nailed my soul innumerable times and my heart bleeds each time I try to pull out the rusting nails. I have no ill feelings for anyone who have ever understood me wrong or tried to verify me less good, as far as they are my loved ones. And believe me, there is no dearth of such darlings. Right from my closest family to extended, closest friends to new ones, and people very special..all have taken their turns to bring out the salty water from my eyes. And who doesn’t face similar situations in their lives! I am sure you all too would have more than at times experienced this. Difference is just this, that the altitude of impact varies from person to person depending upon his/her own attitude towards such behaviors and the level of importance he/she gives to those acting thus to them. And as you know me, emotionally weak person, I often fall victim to these strikes and harm my own image to believe it to be true. Not that I do not welcome feedback. I do it honestly and accept the constructive feedback wholeheartedly when it is coming from the revered people. The only wrong thing, I do at times is overindulging in the criticism when done, and I shun myself the harshest way, which is not healthy for the mental and emotional status.

I know, you are thinking what is she really all upto..and what is the real intent behind writing all this. I know, I kind of dragged it a bit more above, but it still seems half written. However, I am not going to print a word more about the mentioned thought and rather come to the next point.

Opinions often leave me disturbed. And when revisited in thoughts, they hurt me and raise self doubt about my kindness and righteousness.

First week of July had been quite an aggravating one and things hit me deep, to learn that I may not be a very important person for people who are important to me. Well, one night that week I happen to find my best friend from secondary school till date (Mita, who now lives in Canada) online, and we chatted for good hours. In the conversation, came up the topic of her mother’s sad and accidental death and how after putting in all the efforts I could-besides being medically unfit, could not get a last glimpse of her mom (I told you about this long back). Then she shared few links and I saw her mother’s funeral videos on you tube. I did not sleep that night, cried every minute till sun showed up. She had told me that night that she needed me the most when her mother left and I was not there. I still regret my incapability for reaching there in time. But her love for me found to be unchanged despite all those silent months we waited for each other’s words.

Next week, 10^th July, day rushed through as usual with all the things to do by self here. It was about 10 pm, after serving dinner, milk and doing up the dishes, I wanted to retire for the day. I took the phone and rested my back to check if someone had dropped in. The message in watsapp read, ‘Hi Mita”. It was from Deepti, Deepti you remember, my close friend from Pune, about whom I had written through a post in 2011. Well, a short re-intro..who was my next door neighbor and we shared our food, joys and sorrows almost every-day, and continued doing that virtually when she moved into her new home and we moved to Hyderabad-her native place. We continued meeting every time possible during her visits to Hyderabad. In 2012, her father was diagnosed with lung cancer, got treated by Asia’s best doctor(they are amongst the richest in Hyderabad, so money was never an issue),but who can challenge the destiny. After being declared safe after successfully operated, he fell victim to fate and caught the disease again. Money ran like water of their home and so did the time. Her visits to Hyderabad increased and her worries multiplied. Though now we could not meet every time she visited, but we were constantly on phone and I made sure to check on her father’s health at the interval of 10/15 days even after I moved to Moscow.

That night, when I read her message, I typed. “hi deepti” and before I could type and send my second buzz asking “how is uncle doing”..beeped in her words, “dad passed away this morning”. I erased my words and paused for some seconds thinking what to write. We chatted for few minutes, I tried to console her in best possible way and asked for her permission if I could call her. She denied saying she won’t be able to talk. I agreed and we both stopped there for that night. Being lost in thoughts for quite some time, I realized what I meant to deepti. She had her brother, sister, sister in law, husband by her side during the second big misfortune of her life(first being losing her mother to cancer some years back), and yet she wanted me to be a part of her grief. Who would otherwise message a friend miles apart on the very day of her father’s death? When we were together, she often shared her feelings of cherished joys and personal pains and I could read in her eyes always the level of affection she held for me. The feeling remained mutual. I can never forget how beautifully she surprised me with a baby shower during my second pregnancy when I was feeling very low. The way she worked so hard to make success the cradle ceremony of Nishka, overwhelms me even today. The way she made me feel important, every other occasion by introducing me as a part of her family. And indeed her message reflected the same reverence she always portrayed for me. Her pain, her loneliness, her helplessness could be felt in her words that she wrote in our exchange. I again cried that night so much so that I could hardly sleep for a minute. Her urgency to make me a part of her misery and urging through an unvoiced appeal of assertion from my side that I am with her, stamped the fact that I may not be really in the good books of some people, but I definitely am not that appalling a person that sometimes people try to prove. I am for sure a person worthy enough to reside in better corners of others heart.

Came 17^th and it was Nishka’s first day of school in Moscow. Back to back travelling kept Dheeraj away and it loaded me with added responsibilities of travelling 20 plus kilometers with two kids, getting her admission done and staying back at school to make sure she didn’t cry much the first few days. And as both kids remains dad’s pets, it becomes more difficult to handle their dad pangs every evening. And that day was no different right from the beginning. Promising her that I’ll stay right in front of her school, Charvi and I entered the park opposite to Nishka’s school. We sat there and I looked at my watch to remind my mind that it was not less than five more hours that we would start towards home. I had taken along lunch box for both of us. There came an Indian lady with three other Indian friends, all of them were mothers to kids studying in the same school. Introduction session happened and women took their way to home, except the one who had come first to me. She asked me what was I going to do next. I told her we would be sitting here waiting. She then told why would you do that when I am her? And I was like hmmm…didn’t know what to say at her confident gesture. I politely denied her offer and requested her to move on. ‘no ways’, she said and in a manner as if she was commanding me -though with love, asked me again to hurry up as she had lots of cleaning waiting at home. She rejected all my reasoning and pleadings and took me and Charvi to her house, let’s say sweet forcefully. There was one more lady who was like me and had to keep waiting for her son who too was a new admission. She too was tagged along in the same way we were. We all reached her home which was on fourth floor of the building above school. She treated us as if we were her old friends from school. She quickly made lunch for all of us and ordered me again not to open my lunch box. I did open and we all shared and ate the food. That experience again pierced my heart with her goodness and the affection she showered on me, assured me again, that good begets good. Next day too…she left me with no choice and took me home, and talked to me in a way as if she knew me from ages. The way she spoke her heart out to me only in the second meeting reminded me of the words my husband had told me only a few days ago.

One night when he came back from official dine out, the moment he entered home he said, “ you have a very magnetic personality, very charismatic, something has to do with your aura that people like you so much”. I asked him if he was alright or was the vodka doing all the talking (though he never gets drunk enough to talk admiration). He said that many were asking about you today during the dinner and I could feel from their faces that they were so very positive about you( I had met his colleagues and their families at a dinner party a  week before). Though I had not taken his words seriously that night, but when this stranger generous lady treated me with so much kindness, the hurts of not being understood by some people got medicated to an extent and I believed what he had said.

Don’t raise your brows in sarcasm and tell me, “Why the hell do you need to prove that you are good? If you are, it will show”. I know, I very well know, that your action speaks for you. But right now, I am only in mood to remind it to myself that though I may not be the best but I am good, and at times, even reactions speak for you.

That very evening I happen to meet another lady whom I was supposed to meet for a short while, and we ended up talking for 4 hours and the way she treated me and my kids, inverted my faith far from being self doubting and pessimistic. As if God was in full swing to tell me that yes, there are people who love me, care for me and it’s not always me who does that to others. I am not always at the giving end…I do stand at the receiving end too.

The same evening 17^th, Malaysian flight was shot down in Ukraine, and dheeraj being there that time, and because being known by many people of his travel, I was loaded with queries of his being safe there due to the possibilities of riots outbreak. Amongst all, there was one message which though was intended to check on him, but also included my well fare in a way that made me numb for moments and I realized once again that I am significant.

No, don’t you even think that sitting there. I am in no self boasting mode or mood. I already told that it’s just a reminder to self about self significance. And you know, someday down again, when I would feel such low (knowing me, which I am sure I would), would refer to this post again to buck up myself.

Last but definitely not the least, (too old fashioned is it!) Sorry, couldn’t find a better line. Alright, this evening when again it became tough for me to handle Nishka’s ‘I want daddy’ jingle, I felt too helpless for her more than for myself. Last night too, she cried till 12 to see daddy but could not. Well, I tried to show her some cartoon videos in my phone, when another friend of mine Nandini ( my childhood best friend from Valsad and a friend for life) put in a message asking about Dheeraj’s safe return. I told her yes he did and he is travelling to other countries right now. Then we started talking about general things here and there for quite a time. And in the chat she reminded me of a quote which I had made while giving her gyan some years back. Oh yes, am good at that. I give a lot of philosophical gyan to my friends and family. And she often turns to me to lighten up her heart in hour of gloom. And I am glad that I have always ended up the conversation only after leaving her smiling, peaceful and at times splitting up in laughter (that’s what she says). Today, she told me that she has attended three levels of KBC(kaun banega crorepati) and waiting for the third round result. I wished her luck. Then she told me that on being asked who is her inspiration, she mentioned my name. Enthralling! Isn’t it! And then she told me so many things about myself which otherwise I would never think of being associated with my life form. There will definitely be a separate post about all that we did as kids together and about our childhood days spent together. She too inspired me a lot through-out , by the ways she handled her life and family from a very tender age of 8 or so when her mother had passed away. She again remains amongst those who live in the best zones of my heart.

Now…I do not know, if that person would read me on this, but I keenly want to say the following. “you have been a great source of inspiration, motivation, reason for my interminable laughter and incessant joys, basis of my courage, and a great help in your own ways to teach me the ways of life, to make me understand the complexities of relationships and a big support in amending my bonds with Dheeraj which otherwise had seen its inescapable roughs. Though in your own rustic ways, you taught me to respect the present rather than lingering around what is gone and fantasizing about which may not come. But……………. You also have at times by your cruel methods treated me as if I was nothing but hopeless. I agree, I may err, so do you, and so do all, but that doesn’t built the base to herald me the inferior. So …..with all my due respect, I wanna say…that I may be short tempered, impatient at times, grumpy by words though very rare, sulky I know….but that doesn’t happen with every other person coming into contact. I become me only with those who become them when in my company. Regardless to say…Thank you.!"

And a big thank you to all those who in the recent days, reminded me that I have decided to remain optimistic in every situation of life, and have vowed to spread cheer till my breath beats in there…

May all live in peace…

Now don't kill me okay.....I told you,didn't I, that it's gonna be a very lengthy post...thanks for reading anyways!

(232) Procastination

Perhaps, procrastination works in goodwill, most of the times. However, indubitably the time comes when you need to face it head on. And that is the major moment, and that is the decisive spin which shakes the crux- only to reconcile everything that is outside, peripheral. The core yet remains unsettled.

(231) Stupidity

How stupid a person can be? Is there any scale to measure stupidity?..No, I don't think so. And frankly, I don't think I have ever been so stupid and adamant as in some matters I behave. I surprise myself the way I behave at times. Putting the thoughts of ramifications on the back burner,I just proceed to do what the deepest of my heart urges, and behold, though I most often know the outcome, I still walk ahead and meet bang on the disappointment. Idiot me, huhhhh..!! 
Someday, I 'll learn..I hope! 
But, what's the point?..
Well...
Just..forget it!

(230) Lints

We people are so particular about removing the lints from our clothes. We imply any method to get rid of them. We rub them, jiggle-joggle them, get the lint remover machine, get them dry cleaned, wash them, do whatever we can to get rid of the lints, but we do not continue to wear them on ourselves along with the clothes. If nothing works, we finally get rid of the clothes themselves, but we make sure to discontinue the association with them because they trouble us...

I wonder why?..why we don't have the same approach towards the lints that we stick around our hearts? Why do we keep nurturing them and keep troubling ourselves as well as others. Lints of feeling-aches, jealousy, hatred, ego, complexes and many more like them. Why don't we just shrug them off our hearts and mind? Clean heart, clean mind will spread more cheer around and will let less lints cling to other's hearts as well. Think about it..

(228) Negative people

 I pity negative people. For whatever reason they act so negative about things, I really feel sad for them when others try to help them out by positive input and yet they stick to their pessimistic approach towards life. To be very precise, if I have to give the number there are at least four people in our extended families from either sides (mine and my husband’s family) , who are so very depressing human beings that at times I feel like going straight right into their face and tell them, “ see you are not helping anyone by being what you are, and adding to worse you are only leaving bad influence and dirty impact on others around you, besides torturing your own soul”…but gory limitations of the relationships! Alas! I simply have to ignore them, and am being specific, just ignore because I cannot avoid them.

I often tell Dheeraj when discussing about those people, that they need some help. How I wish I could be of some help to them. Recently, a person created so much mess during a family gathering that she pestered my mom to the tears. And when she had nothing else to fight about she dragged me in, (when I was already thousands of miles away here in Moscow) and told my mom that I did not inform her by personal call about my departure. God…I got so pissed off when I got to know about the same and could not help but intervene. It boils my blood when anyone tries and mess up with my parents or say a single word against them, to them or cause them any hurt by any means. My parents are so simple people that whole life they have practiced patience, tolerance and forgiveness and have always been helpful to others. I have tried to imbibe the same in me and do practice to a level, but not at all when it’s the question of my parent’s respect. With no fault of hers she heard all the nonsense just because the other person is a relative. Crap I say !!!

I called her (not my mom..but her..do not want to mention the relation)….and very nicely explained her  what mess she was creating without any reason and that no one is supposed to bother my mom for any reason whatsoever. Even I was welcomed by her, with lots of sarcasm and agony, but I gave across the message crisp and clear.

How far and for how many can this be done. Earlier in my brother’s wedding, chaos happened because of one aunt, and such things keep occurring on and off. Forget about people in families, I have faced and come across similar kind of people throughout at different stages and places in life till now. Some ditched and bitched after being friends, some got along just for selfish interests and some with whom I was never related in anyways, yet twisted and screwed ties with me just to satiate their negative egos and hurt me back. Hell with them.

At times, my wrath asks me to cut all bonds with such people, and at times it tells me to be patient and be helpful to them. To teach them peace, show them optimism and make them affirmative. Tough task though, hope I continue being constructive about life, people and bonds with them.

Keeping the fingers crossed that no one creates any hassle during my younger brother’s wedding. Cause if am there, and someone comes to thwart, I doubt I’ll be nicer anymore…sometimes you need to put your foot down and shout…enough is enough!!

(223) Time to go...Bye for now

I begin by quoting Khalil Gibran from his work ‘The Prophet’ which says- “You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”

I don’t fully agree to the above said. But yes, often I talk (for me talking is writing here) to confront the dilemmas battling in my mind about certain topic at that given point and time. Also, writing is very liberating for me. It is like unburdening my-self, it’s like talking to the unseen (not the unknowns), it’s like singing out my heart on paper, it’s like opening up, it’s like dancing on the rhythm of words on the floor of paper with pen making the music.

But, more often these days, I have found myself being unfaithful to my writing. Or rather, let me put it like this. I am not being very honest on this platform. Though earlier too, I have not been my complete self here, and as also mentioned by one of my friend reader that I keep things with their ambiguity here, nevertheless, I never tried to cover up for what I wanted to write. But now, I feel, I have started doing that, which is hurting myself more than who reads me.

So, this being the primary reason to give a halt until I resume my original panache and candor regarding my platform here, I may also quote the second reason. (The reason I am putting stress again and again on the word ‘here’, because this problem is this platform specific. I have other podium/s, where I write without being prejudiced and without the fear of being judged.) I need to develop same frankness and sincerity for this space as well.

The other reason to pull back my arms from reaching to the keyboard is very important and necessary. You will kill me for saying this, but yes I may not be able to call it out here, have reason to that too, you see. So, that is for keeps.

Excuse me....., Seems, I have kinda fell in love with the words of Khalil Gibran…pitching one more of his piece..

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

I don’t know, how long I am gonna take to come back here and talk to you all. Not sure, if I will at all stroke this space again. But yes, am definitely going to miss my writing streak, miss my talking through blogs, and would certainly want to come back here as soon as possible…….but with new vigor and vitality.Meanwhile, before shutting off, I will check and publish those drafts lying in there, written at different times but could not be put to the fore.

Don’t hammer me sweet, I really want you to read this too..again him Khalil Gibran saying-“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ….nice na..i love this one..

Also, my dearies, please excuse me, if I simply obliterate or veil these blogs sometimes.( you know na, how idiotic and dim-witted I act at times).

One last which has really touched me…(am totally in Gibran mood today you see…a fan in the following huh..!!!)…..saying this- “One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”

Lot’s and lot’s of love for reading me and supporting me.Let the new year ring in with bunches of happiness and success, peace of mind and fulfilled wishes and succeded efforts for everyone. God bless. :)

(217) Stealing- 'the concord within'

When a theft occurs, the causing party rejoices the gain and the losing party mourns the loss. Generally we associate the term burglary with the theft of the material custodies. But we hardly think of it in terms of something beyond the substance and object.

Last year, a house maid who was working at my place then, had stolen my gold ring and few other things within a span of few days, when I was busy preparing for my brother’s wedding. And when I realized, it was too late and also, I had to leave for the wedding. Though the material loss hurt me for a while, but what disturbed me more was the betrayal caused by her. I trusted her blindly and so I do with every single maid whom I appoint for work. And I explain the same to them while appointing that don’t breach my trust, if you need something, tell me, and I will provide it in the best ways possible, and so I have done whenever the need has arisen. Over a period of time, I forgot the incident but it left me with a habit of being a little extra vigilant with housemaids, which frankly speaking, is a pain.

Two days back, something that belonged to Charvi went missing. No outsider had entered the house that day except my house maid. I called her and enquired about the same and she denied of knowing anything about it. The loss of the material thing did not really bothered me that much as did the breach of trust once again. I was perturbed the whole day. I wanted to just speak it out to her or at-least to someone that I am hurt. I wanted to ask her if she had taken it and if yes, she could have asked for and I would have provided. She shouldn’t have stolen that. I never keep a watch on her. I go for bath or do my other work while she is around and never follow her to the door when she leaves. I know, to some it may sound too rubbish of me to get emotional about actions caused by people like housemaids, car cleaner and cook. But so I am. I get marred by every single person and deceiving deed caused by them, if I have planted faith in them. Often, my mom in law, my neighbor and friends asks me to be more practical and less emotional when dealing with such people. I have been criticized by other family members too at times, for treating my housemaids like my family members. And yes, I have tried few times to remain more detached with them, but I simply fail. I feel bad if I don’t talk to them every-day, if I don’t listen to what they have to share and if I don’t treat them nicely. I am even left hurt when I scold them once in a while. I try to pamper them out the other day by doing something nice to them. And I am sure, there are many people like me who treat these people the same way or in a much better way. I have seen my mom taking so good care of those people working as domestic help at her house.

And perhaps that is the reason, why I feel hurt when I am cheated. But this time, that particular feeling made me think in a completely diverse mode. We see that, when people lose their material possession in theft or other way, they become sad. And if that has been caused on purpose, the doer enjoys and lauds the achievement. Same happens when instead of the object, something ethereal, something non substantial, something non-enclose able is lost or rather stolen. At this instance, the fracas of the mind reaches a very towering level. The material loss may most often be paid back, but the immaterial loss is very difficult to be settled off with anything physical. It takes time to overcome the impacts of such loses. We observe that people who loses their loved ones, experiences the same kind of sentiments. But that is something which is an unchangeable natural process that every individual has to go through. Such people may be helped out by soothing supports. Nevertheless, people whom we cause to go through such agonies on purpose, by our spiteful and wounding acts, are the ones who are the most indignant people and who faces the ill crisis of emotional as well as mental setback. We rob them of their most precious state- ‘the concord within’. And nothing really can help them much. Time to heal the sore and the vigor to deposit the faith again, are the things which may help them.

Although I have always been in support of not hurting others purposefully, I consciously elected this time, to be further watchful and more careful while relating with others, and not to steal away someone’s peace of mind, tranquility, equanimity in order to satiate my egocentricity, my diffidence, my doubts, and my lonesomeness, all or any- if encountered ever. I do not have any right to thieve someone’s harmony and leave them bothered, and for that matter, no one has the right to do the above to any other person.

Let’s try and not whip away (intentionally or unintentionally) other’s serenity.

(210) Mind-it fascinates me

There’s much more to the meaning of ‘Mind’ than those explicitly placed in dictionaries, spreading from intellect, care, demur, heed, awareness, tend, opinion to psyche. Most powerful widget I say, had been, is and will be- ‘The Mind’.

It quakes up the most rooted person and surprisingly it does fasten the same person to the grounds most rigidly at a different time. It travels million miles in a moment and sometimes is not accessible even in the closest nearby’s. Amazing the thing called ‘Mind’ is. I meet, exchange pleasantries and come back within split moments with those people, whom I believe, I would, perhaps never happen to convene in the present life. It startles me to even think how effortlessly I barter dialogues with people, any time I wish, those inhabiting in parts of the world far away from me, and sometimes without even out of their knowledge and often passing across my message through this wonderful mind. Oh..you call it telepathy…uh huh…

Mind…..its abilities fascinates me….