(223) Time to go...Bye for now

I begin by quoting Khalil Gibran from his work ‘The Prophet’ which says- “You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”

I don’t fully agree to the above said. But yes, often I talk (for me talking is writing here) to confront the dilemmas battling in my mind about certain topic at that given point and time. Also, writing is very liberating for me. It is like unburdening my-self, it’s like talking to the unseen (not the unknowns), it’s like singing out my heart on paper, it’s like opening up, it’s like dancing on the rhythm of words on the floor of paper with pen making the music.

But, more often these days, I have found myself being unfaithful to my writing. Or rather, let me put it like this. I am not being very honest on this platform. Though earlier too, I have not been my complete self here, and as also mentioned by one of my friend reader that I keep things with their ambiguity here, nevertheless, I never tried to cover up for what I wanted to write. But now, I feel, I have started doing that, which is hurting myself more than who reads me.

So, this being the primary reason to give a halt until I resume my original panache and candor regarding my platform here, I may also quote the second reason. (The reason I am putting stress again and again on the word ‘here’, because this problem is this platform specific. I have other podium/s, where I write without being prejudiced and without the fear of being judged.) I need to develop same frankness and sincerity for this space as well.

The other reason to pull back my arms from reaching to the keyboard is very important and necessary. You will kill me for saying this, but yes I may not be able to call it out here, have reason to that too, you see. So, that is for keeps.

Excuse me....., Seems, I have kinda fell in love with the words of Khalil Gibran…pitching one more of his piece..

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

I don’t know, how long I am gonna take to come back here and talk to you all. Not sure, if I will at all stroke this space again. But yes, am definitely going to miss my writing streak, miss my talking through blogs, and would certainly want to come back here as soon as possible…….but with new vigor and vitality.Meanwhile, before shutting off, I will check and publish those drafts lying in there, written at different times but could not be put to the fore.

Don’t hammer me sweet, I really want you to read this too..again him Khalil Gibran saying-“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ….nice na..i love this one..

Also, my dearies, please excuse me, if I simply obliterate or veil these blogs sometimes.( you know na, how idiotic and dim-witted I act at times).

One last which has really touched me…(am totally in Gibran mood today you see…a fan in the following huh..!!!)…..saying this- “One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”

Lot’s and lot’s of love for reading me and supporting me.Let the new year ring in with bunches of happiness and success, peace of mind and fulfilled wishes and succeded efforts for everyone. God bless. :)

(222) Be positive

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”-Martin Luther King Jr. 

Very galvanizing and very inspiring. In a way or more, the thought can be applied to perk up the poignancy in life. It is often heard- "better said than done", but for self recuperation, the above said may better be ignored, and instead, some action need to be put in place. No peak can be climbed in a day or by a high jump, every food needs its own time to get cooked with an edible outcome. Patience is the key and faith is the force to unlock the bolt that has entrapped the joy and bliss. We need to discover them again and again whenever the need evolves.

(221) Giving up

Giving up, many a times forms a very much a part of being considerate as well. Not all understand the same, but yes it does. It also is the outcome of the adore towards someone, that the other one has to sacrifice one or many a things. And often, for producing the evidence of love, one ends up giving up the very one he loves.

(220) I so much love you

Have seen him addressing me caustically at times,

But could hardly believe the words to be true

And soon after, could feel in his words-his rue

Only for the reason that he loves me too

Oh endearing man- I so much love you…

(219) “You can always take a U-turn in life”

I was reading Manisha Koirala’s interview in the Times. She mentioned about having come across a sign board that read “You can always take a U-turn in life”. She talked very encouraging things and the stated about her inspiration to move on after winning over the cancer. She indeed is a strong person.

Well, when I thought about the above said read, I felt that it’s not practically possible to take a real U turn in life for most of the things occurred. But yes, definitely it can be practiced for those paths which had left us with creating happiness for others and thereby for ourselves…we can certainly try and lead more positive life on the basis of all the good things we did in past and of all the good things happened to us in the years gone by. Worth giving a try!

(218) You do not vanish

What if it was like- a chance-one last time!

And you would have seen me, grappling like a famished

Oh please, if that happens, you do not vanish.

What if it was like a bid- walking down the aisle!

And you would have seen me, dressed up so clannish

Oh please, if that happens, you do not vanish.

What if it was like an ask- you demanding gift!

And you would have seen me, kissing you in lavish

Oh please, if that happens, you do not vanish.

What if it was like- dying in your hold!

And you would have seen me, gladly getting perish

Oh please, if that happens, you do not vanish.

(217) Stealing- 'the concord within'

When a theft occurs, the causing party rejoices the gain and the losing party mourns the loss. Generally we associate the term burglary with the theft of the material custodies. But we hardly think of it in terms of something beyond the substance and object.

Last year, a house maid who was working at my place then, had stolen my gold ring and few other things within a span of few days, when I was busy preparing for my brother’s wedding. And when I realized, it was too late and also, I had to leave for the wedding. Though the material loss hurt me for a while, but what disturbed me more was the betrayal caused by her. I trusted her blindly and so I do with every single maid whom I appoint for work. And I explain the same to them while appointing that don’t breach my trust, if you need something, tell me, and I will provide it in the best ways possible, and so I have done whenever the need has arisen. Over a period of time, I forgot the incident but it left me with a habit of being a little extra vigilant with housemaids, which frankly speaking, is a pain.

Two days back, something that belonged to Charvi went missing. No outsider had entered the house that day except my house maid. I called her and enquired about the same and she denied of knowing anything about it. The loss of the material thing did not really bothered me that much as did the breach of trust once again. I was perturbed the whole day. I wanted to just speak it out to her or at-least to someone that I am hurt. I wanted to ask her if she had taken it and if yes, she could have asked for and I would have provided. She shouldn’t have stolen that. I never keep a watch on her. I go for bath or do my other work while she is around and never follow her to the door when she leaves. I know, to some it may sound too rubbish of me to get emotional about actions caused by people like housemaids, car cleaner and cook. But so I am. I get marred by every single person and deceiving deed caused by them, if I have planted faith in them. Often, my mom in law, my neighbor and friends asks me to be more practical and less emotional when dealing with such people. I have been criticized by other family members too at times, for treating my housemaids like my family members. And yes, I have tried few times to remain more detached with them, but I simply fail. I feel bad if I don’t talk to them every-day, if I don’t listen to what they have to share and if I don’t treat them nicely. I am even left hurt when I scold them once in a while. I try to pamper them out the other day by doing something nice to them. And I am sure, there are many people like me who treat these people the same way or in a much better way. I have seen my mom taking so good care of those people working as domestic help at her house.

And perhaps that is the reason, why I feel hurt when I am cheated. But this time, that particular feeling made me think in a completely diverse mode. We see that, when people lose their material possession in theft or other way, they become sad. And if that has been caused on purpose, the doer enjoys and lauds the achievement. Same happens when instead of the object, something ethereal, something non substantial, something non-enclose able is lost or rather stolen. At this instance, the fracas of the mind reaches a very towering level. The material loss may most often be paid back, but the immaterial loss is very difficult to be settled off with anything physical. It takes time to overcome the impacts of such loses. We observe that people who loses their loved ones, experiences the same kind of sentiments. But that is something which is an unchangeable natural process that every individual has to go through. Such people may be helped out by soothing supports. Nevertheless, people whom we cause to go through such agonies on purpose, by our spiteful and wounding acts, are the ones who are the most indignant people and who faces the ill crisis of emotional as well as mental setback. We rob them of their most precious state- ‘the concord within’. And nothing really can help them much. Time to heal the sore and the vigor to deposit the faith again, are the things which may help them.

Although I have always been in support of not hurting others purposefully, I consciously elected this time, to be further watchful and more careful while relating with others, and not to steal away someone’s peace of mind, tranquility, equanimity in order to satiate my egocentricity, my diffidence, my doubts, and my lonesomeness, all or any- if encountered ever. I do not have any right to thieve someone’s harmony and leave them bothered, and for that matter, no one has the right to do the above to any other person.

Let’s try and not whip away (intentionally or unintentionally) other’s serenity.

(216)Just like that

A minute back, looked into the mirror and smiled at myself. Had read somewhere, keep smiling at yourself, will feel good and positive. I felt completley funny. I looked around to check if anyone was watcing me. Who will?. Kids busy sleeping and husband dear busy travelling. But,on a second thought, I realized that I had not seen myself smiling so foolishly and innocently in the recent times.Haa..haaa.haa...I smiled again, though subtly this time,put off the light...and came back to my darling friend-my laptop..

(215) Nishka's first day at school

Exactly five years back from now, on 15th Dec 2008, Charvi put her first step in the school. Memories came refreshing back this morning,16th Dec 2013..when Nishka went to school for the first time. The difference between both the times is something which was least expected. Charvi, then did not want me to leave her alone and hence I had to sit with her in her school for atleaset three days. Nishka, though she wanted me to be there, but not really, as she got herself comfortable within minutes, and I was the one who was feeling anxious to leave her in the class. I sat outside there for about two hours, but she neither enquired about me nor did she cry. She was very happy and didnt wanted to leave from there later. I am glad.

 

(214) Plan or no plan

Knowing so well that life is most unpredictable, we keep planning things. Not sure of even the nearest next moment and the events that it will bring, we lay out maps for whole life. Ironically, the life led with plans is called the best lived, and in reality things never come out according to ones plannings. Often I contradict my email signing off statement(which says-"failing to plan is planning to fail"). I had chosen it when I was very ambitious career oriented girl,and all I could think then was to grow grow and grow in my career giving my best and hard work. Though the statement still remained with me, but its meaning have changed invariably. It seems that nothing actually works according to what you think, hope, wish for and act about. Everything occurs by law of nature and order of sequence predetermined. Yet, when I think like a parent, I still plan things for my kids and their future and try and put all effort to make them successful. And again, when life presents itself with good and bad surprises alteratively, I comeback on my knees knelt before the unseen power called Almighty, at times thanking him and at times asking him, why?

(213) And What?

Stillness

                      Tolerance

                                                  Apprehension

   Inquisitiveness

 

                                                              Vulnerable

 

                          Insomnia

 

Recollections

 

                                                      Impatience

 

                       Pining

 

Dismal

 

                                     Covet

                                                               Love

(212) Besides and Beyond Love

Time and again, I question myself
Is there something else too,
Besides and beyond the ‘love’

That keeps me cemented with you

Often I am left more startled
At my mind’s undying exuberance
More far flung you try to get from it
More vigor is added to its perseverance 

Though it leaves you with your free will,
It tags along with every blink you make
Though it lets you muse you are uncared for,
It aspire you with every breath you take

 

Falling apart has been gracefully agreed to
Yet the obtuse mind doesn’t cease to hope for

I laugh at, I pity, I counsel this resolute
Inept all advices, it doesn’t cease to long for… 

I wonder over and over again
Is there something else too,
Besides and beyond the ‘love’
That keeps me attached with you

(211) Rape..

It appears that the conscience of the society at large is now comatose, and regrettably, I am the very inseparable part of this society. Rape happens, victim either gets killed or left to survive in a pitiable condition and most often without getting justice. The culprit either moves around freely or manage to play with the law and system that puts him on trial, and again most often move around freely eyeing to rape one more person.Every single day I read, hear and learn about the rape incidents. Since ever, such news has disturbed me to the core level. I have always felt the yearning and the need to do something, something I don’t know, what that something would be, but really something that can help prevent women, girls and small babies becoming the rape and sexual abuse victim.

Time has never ceased to move, but my thoughts of fighting for better, has eventually seen a breakdown. I feel ashamed to agree that I find myself a coward, who can do nothing to save my counterparts from being raped. If I dare to admit, I have become more of a frail person, who only hopes and prays for the safety of every being and emphasizes my kin’s security in the prayers. And do nothing beyond reading the newspaper, regretting for the wrong done to others, mourning for their pain, and then praying again for them to receive strength and for others to get safe.

I often feel frustrated being the part of the world where women are treated as an object. I feel pathetic and enervated, whenever a thought of something evil-happening to me or my folks, crosses my mind. This was never me. I have always been a fighter. I was a very brave and bold girl all my life. Why have I become a limp and so wilted. If this helplessness and feeling of being vulnerable doesn’t cease to prevail in the times to come, I don’t know, how will I, even recognize myself?

Don’t know what, but I need to do something about it. I know I may not be able to turn the scene 180 degree from what it is today, but I also cannot sit and keep lamenting on each news I come across. I need to do my bit and as best as I can. God be my strength…