Words from my brother in law in Singapore:-Your write is about looking for being a perfectionist and perfectionism with in you and with people around you... i would be really interested to read from you... of something which you have felt with a question....not being perfect with in you and people around you. But still enjoyed being not perfect...
This is what I have to say
My well wisher judged me so aptly to be a person addicted to perfectionism.Well this addiction,which though is since my childhood, has on one hand served me appreciation,satisfaction,growth,good friends,success and much more alike whereas on the other hand it gave me criticism,dissatisfaction, stretched relations, compromises and things alike.Though being a very crucial characteristic of my nature, I never did think about it on a separate soil.Possibly because its so much mixed in my routine behavior that I seldom realize it can ever be thought about as a total diverse topic.Now when he has so intellectually pointed it out,i really think it has to do a lot with my being.For example,consider few small things happening in day to day life.
I don’t like to see anything in the house not kept in order,however tired or ill I am ,I try and put them in place.
I pull the bedsheet on bed and make it proper everytime I see a little crease on it.
I cannot tolerate to see the water in bucket left over by the former person after taking bath,I immediately empty it and keep it to dry or fill with fresh one.
Even if I am dead tired after guests leaving house midnight,I don’t leave behind the dining plates and serving bowls to be cleared up next morning.
After logging in for checking emails, firstly I look for spam,check them if any important mail has slipped into it, and only after deleting spam, I go to check the inbox.
I dont tolerate if the order of my books,clothes,cosmetics kept in shelves is changed .
I get uneasy if a phone call gets disconnected abruptly and ends without a proper bye.
I can’t bear my daughter picking up any not-so-proper word or phrase from her friends and I get to rest only after making her unlearn it.
And I behave the worse, if any individual how much ever close he/she is, in whatever way he/she is related to me, lies to me, tries to bully me for self benefit ,or does something to forfeit my trust put in him/her.
And much more alike can be added up to the list above. Having said all that, I really don’t know how many mentions of them really fall under the outcomes of a perfectionism disease(or perhaps boon).
Well, along with pointing out my behavior of a perfectionist, my well-wisher also suggested me to assume my self and surrounding to be a complete no-no to so called perfection and then count how I felt. When I thought about it, I realized that I actually don’t need to assume so as I have already been in such a situation many a times.
Infact they are so many, I can hardly jot them all down over here. But still, to recount
· When needed in urgency to wrap some trash, I tear of from the newspaper which is of the same day and feel relaxed to do away with the junk.(otherwise I don’t allow anyone to do so even from a week old newspaper)
· I lie down on return from movie or party without changing to home attire(whereas otherwise I don’t do that even when I am stiff tired.)
To recall from past,
When my aunt was fast asleep one afternoon,I took out my uncle’s scooter and kicked it on to ride it almost for an hour to find a u turn which could bring me back home because I did not know then to ride a geared vehicle or manage it or stop it midway to take a turn back.Back home, my aunt was horrified to find neither of us..scooter and me.Few months later I did same adventure with my colleagues bike when few staff members had gone to a temple some 50 kilometers from Rajkot when I was working there.I convinced them of my grasp on bike riding(which I hardly rode earlier) and took it from one of them only to fly on road.I never saw the speedometer during my 15 minutes of ride on NH8,but could feel the thrill to fly on road.(being a perfectionist I would have never done either of them knowing it could have caused my life also)
· While pursuing my engineering, I stayed in a hostel managed by a very strict warden. Girls of 6 rooms of the hostel were not allowed to stand in the balcony during evenings or night,because light of the huge halogen standing on top of the terrace fell directly on these room’s balconies, and boys who stayed in building next compound use to create noisy disruption, do monkey business while passing besides the girls hostel.Well, we could not take the jail for more time, and one of my electrical discipline hostel mate took me in confidence to fuse the light so that we could rest in peace in balcony for atleast some day.And we did this thrice after every repair, atlast to make it a permanent damage to the hostel and permanent freedom to us.(Being otherwise ,I would neither confide in such deeds, not let others too do so)
· During college, while going for a morning coffee to canteen with a senior girl, I held the collars and hit a miscreant boy who was accompanied by dozen guys like him and who stopped us to settle some old quarrel with my senior and used bad words with her. Though I had nothing to do with the matter, unintentionally I got involved and subsequently got famous for daring deed which I quite secretly enjoyed(being otherwise,I would never get involved,not to the hitting extent with those troublemakers holding the worse history around)
· When I was working for a finance firm, we had a meeting lined up with an HNI client. Three of us, me, my boss and her boss went to meet her. By the time we finished our meeting, it had started raining very heavily. We had to reach office in time and mail the meeting details to HO, to get the proposal approved the same day. My boss’boss offered us lift back to office though he had another meeting far off, which we rejected and suggested to go on our own. Somehow we managed to reach office building in an hour and a half,but by then we both were completely drenched. Though my boss argued so much to get back to work, but I convinced her to make it a chutti for both of us to have the famous hot corn maize being sold outside the law garden. Having that corn my boss left for home and I enjoyed rains for two more hours before leaving for home.(otherwise I would never leave work for fun).
Well, many more incidents and deeds can be added to the list above which surely proves that I enjoy life being a non-perfectionist as well besides perfectionism being my pinnacle agenda or trait OR MAY BE SO I BELIEVE/BEHAVE.
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