(31) .....................

Though Charvi is not keeping much well since last2 days,she was still displaying a very sporty spirit by behaving much better when compared to alike children in illness.But today it was worse for her.Almost throughout the day she was crying after short intervals of disturbed sleep and trying silences.Doctor changed the medicine but still there doesnt seem much improvement in her cold-cough and related congestion-fever.Am feeling very perturbed because of both of ours helplessnesses:-Hers-to not been able to explain what exactly is happening to her AND ours-not been able to see her in pain alongwith no proper intake of food,milk or even the compulsory medicines.She is trying to sleep since 8'o clock in the evening and yet not attained the "not-so-easy to wakeup" stage of sleep.She is asking for water every minute and not taking even half a sip.Its almost ten minutes now that she has fallen asleep,seems she is now completely tired of her pains and related crying.God..may she have a sound sleep and a fast recovery.Since morning, am remembering my mother and feeling very grateful to her for taking care of us so intensely at every turn of life.I can now understand how taxing and testing it would have been for my mother,infact for all the mothers,parents and also how unpleasant parents feel to see their child in pain.I realize it now,why mothers dont feel hungry when their children has not eaten,why mothers loose sleep when their children are not able to,why mothers feel defeated when their children cant make it...i understand it all..all the more..

(30) Few.....

Few thoughts, Few emotions,
Few dreams , Few feelings,
Few joys, Few sorrows,
Few actions, Few responses,
Few questions, Few answers
Few goals, Few occurrence,
Few reasons, Few arguments,
Few distances, Few closeness
Few allegations, Few rejections
Few desires, Few fears,
Few promises, Few violations
Few silences, Few punishments,
Few relations, Few expectations,
Few words , Few People, Few losses
Can never be EXPLAINED!!!
Can never be UNDERSTOOD!!!

(29) GLASSFULL OF BEER!!

A glass full of beer

Crispy potato chips

Say "Cheers" aloud

Let wet your lips

Sip it "bottoms up"

No burps aloud

Shut up your mouth

Eyes will speak loud

Let go off 'The world'

Don't give a second thought

Few moments of whimsies

Let them get waste not

Be true to yourself

Speak out your core

For moments forget

The hell lot of lore

Becasue after somtime

When you will get over

Will find yourself again

In life's straining cover...

So..more glasses of beer

With more potato chips

Get yourself immersed

In delightful dips...

(28) LIVE YOUR PRESENT COMPLETELY

Do we have an account of past OR

Theory proving existence of future?

Perhaps we either have datas

To bet for, in name of history

Or some specific plan charts

To potray our own illusions

What we all have in hand

Is this moment called present

Which we wasted ever earlier

To call it our past

And killing it even more

Anticipating the future

Neither a bit of past will do

Nor a fraction of future too

Stay along and move with breath

As your present will surely do

Live it,love it,ask truthfully

Your present will give everything to you

(27) HAVE FAITH.!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE

Analyzing things ,based on pre assumed notions
Serves as the root cause of all hurt feelings
However pleasant would have been the end
Such obtuse thoughts ruin the dealings

One should not get obsessed by the odds
And ascertain to look at the positive side
Not always can someone be bad with you
Will not always take you, on dismal ride

There can be many anomalous reasons
Leading one to say something unusual
That doesn’t shows the change of attitude
That can be twist or turn, very crucial

Trust yourself and listen to your heart
Does it think the same way, like your impulse?!!
If not, then forget all your bad belief
And in good hope, get yourself indulge .

Learn to have, some faith in the system
Of The Great GOD and his creation
Every bond that he connects with you
Assures you blissful lasting realtion

(26) IT'S OKAY

22nd August'08
You have been an insight, muse to me always
Sometimes as a teacher ,Sometimes as companion
You are blessed uniquely, with lots of passion
Your words can bridge, deepest of the canyon

I truly get amazed, to see you unperturbed
Displaying conviction, with lots of zeal
Come what may, let happen what may
Anxious or so worried , you never feel

I want to see you always, on the pinnacle
Shining with the glory and pride of success
Still sometimes, I lose it to my heart
Seeing your buoyancy, I feel jealous

That’s not because of any,ill-feeling I have
Because o f the sense, of being left forlorn
You know the art of ,hiding pain with poise
I fail to accept ,the feel, of being left alone

In the passing times, you taught me many things
Through your crystal-clear, behavioral creations
Taught me to love, taught me to trust
And the best thing, taught me to have patience

I have to be thankful, to you so much always
Not only for those, things I learnt formerly
But also for the newest, event that ensued
Moral of ‘NOT TO EXPECT’, you taught me so dearly

Where there’s expectation, sorrow does reside
As the former grows, later deepens its cores
Leads one to the height, of the topmost level
Then suddenly destroys, by closing the doors

Though method was strange, I still feel so glad
By not keeping the promise, you did me a favor
You proved me right , that I know you the best
Now this fact , with pride, for life- I can savor

(25) HALF AN HOUR- A RIDE TO MANY THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS.

22nd August'08
Around 15 people coming home Sunday evening for dinner.Lots of preparations.Well,I thought to start from buying vegetables.Second thought was , “No God, I can’t face that snobbish shop owner who have the least grace in his voice and actions while dealing with his customers and I was also not sure of the timings when only his cheerful wife is available. But then he is the one who keeps the fresh and the best stuff around. So I had to bear him.I was greatly relaxed not to find him when I entered the shop. I took my leisurely time to choose and buy vegetables .A good experience…I left the shop in a happy mood.

Just after that was the CD-DVD library where I was suppose to return one rented DVD. Oops, I had forgotten to bring that .Still, I entered the store and apologized to the owner and promised him the dvd return in an hour. He was very gentle and appeasing while agreeing to my request and without a single complain. Thought on my mind was...what a gentleman!! What good level of customer understanding.

While returning home, I received call from Dheeraj informing about his official dinner outside and hence no cooking food for him. I felt lazy about cooking for only myself as Charvi’s food was already prepared.And hence my next stop was Pani-puri-chat shop.I had one plate pani-puri and ordered for one chat.Awaiting the same, my attention moved on to the guy who was standing exactly opposite to me.Tall, fair, well dressed formally with good taste of trouser-shirt-tie combination, neatly parted hair, and his company’s identity card hanging from his neck. Hmm..seemed to be a corporate guy. Appeared to be little shy, but sometimes..its real fun to observe people who are these kinds, shy and introverts. To interrupt my analysis, his mobile rang and while he was trying to pull out his phone from his trouser pocket, a packet of cigarettes fell down. Next thought was…Oh God…He is a smoker ?Seems to be an educated lad..and see what..he is a smoker, I hate smokers!!! But hey…wait a minute..do I really hate smokers….my mom’ father, my brother in law, many of my good friends….they all smoke and I don’t hate them….so that means..I don’t hate smokers..but I definitely hate smoking. My chaat arrived…I had it and there I go back on the road leading me home…

While striding, my attention shifted to the butchery shop which was on the same side of road where pani-puri wala was.I had been on this road hundreds of time in my 2 and a half years of stay in Hyderabad and had seen this shop almost nearly for the same number of times. But for the first time, a shriek cry of a hen/chick coming from inside made me stand still on the road.I peeped into the shop more anxiously to see what was going to happen to the ill-fated life which was entangled inside, although, back of my mind I knew it would be killed and cut, being inside, for only that reason. My mind struggled for quite some time making it difficult for me to take even a single step further. But because it would have been dreadful for me to see such slaughter, I forced myself to move ahead with all gloomy thoughts about that helpless life.

I reached my apartment building and awaited around 5 minutes for the lift along with three other people doing the same. We all entered the lift and stood silently for the entire journey towards reaching our respective floors. One man stood facing the door with his eyes stuck on the floor. One woman kept on moving her right hand bangles with her left hand at regular intervals of adjusting her saree and her purse one after other and did all this without looking at any one else in the lift. Third person, a man again… was pretending to be the busiest amongst all by repeatedly trying to call someone with his mobile and disconnecting it without even waiting for the service provider to connect his call. And there was me, sometimes looking at all of them one by one and sometimes gazing out of the glass of the capsule lift which provided the scene of the vast lake located in the heart of the city.Doing all this, thought which rugged my mind was about the silence inside. There was a time, my childhood, when we use to greet every other person we met on our society roads with Namaste, hello and hi respective to their age and relation. And now…look at us..staying in the same building…..and behaving like aliens..Keep aside the talk of being members of the same apartment,I have seen people behaving the same way in offices as well…I sometimes wonders..is it some kind of compelling effect of the lift which makes people silent as soon as it opens its arms for them or is it some kind of social manner which keep not only the strangers but known people too, away from communicating.

Well…enough of the merry go round ride I had today with varied kinds of thoughts….i need to relax for sometime and get back to my normal routine.

(24) DOES RELIGION TEACHES THIS???

21st August'08
Reading has always been an integral part of my life. Besides my own interest selection, I try and read books suggested by others. One of my friends suggested a good read and thus my hunt for that book began immediately.
I dedicated my entire evening to search that book.I went to all possible book stores in and around 5 km radius from my residence only to gather various reasons for non- availability of the same.Nevertheless, I ended up buying six other books, one of them by the same publisher whose book I was looking for .Perhaps buying them all could have been the outcome of my never ending ill- craze of buying more and more books.Well, let me put aside the discuss about my obsession and better talk about the incident which put me to write all this.
In the last book store I visited today, I came across few interesting books in Urdu and about Islam.As I was dead tired, I pulled out the bean bag lying nearby and got seated near that book shelf. While I was surfing through the books, one of the many attendants in the store came and stood by my side.He did not say anything and simply stood there for almost 5 minutes observing me.I tried to ignore his presence. I was holding two English language books taken from earlier shelves. As I twisted a little to put them on the lowest shelf nearby to let me do my seek easily, that guy who thought I was putting the books on the floor, interrupted me saying “ one minute madam”, he pulled one small stool and offered me to keep those books on it.I looked in his eyes with a question mark?He told that Urdu or Arabic books should not be kept on the floor. I was bit confused and bit surprised. I asked him if that was written or mentioned somewhere or is it some kind of religious rule that I am not aware of. He said, “No madam, these are our religious languages and books containing them should be given respect, we walk on the floor and hence these books should not be kept where we put our feet”. By then , he had seen the cover page of the books kept there and he got to know that those were not Urdu books. And so he said, “mam, its okay if u keep them down as they are English books, so no problem”. I argued, “ doesn’t it apply to all the books, as books are books and they all impart some kind of knowledge. I shouldn’t be allowed to keep either of the books on floor if that’s related to books dignity”. He said, “no mam, those are not our religious books, so we don’t have to care so much about them”.I asked him, “Do u know Urdu?”, he said.. “bit of Urdu and more of Arabic”. Further, he said, “mam u also must be knowing Urdu and Arabic” and asked if I was an avid reader of Quran.While nodding no for my answer I questioned him alike about Quran and he said he doesn’t read regularly. After a pause , I said I am not a Muslim .He was sadly stunned and asked me why was I, then searching books on Islam and Urdu. Well….I felt like answering him back a good long lecture..but I controlled myself and simply told him that my father’s neighborhood is a Muslim family and we have been brought up spending good time with them and that I have immense in tersest in learning about the religion I was bestowed with in a friendly packaging by God and the same religion which is being either misinterpreted or rather miscalculatively used. I was too loud and harsh in saying all this which made that man move from there without a word.
But all this left me unnerved for quite sometime. I really don’t know what that guy was trying to showcase, his immense love for his religion, his not-relevant attitude towards other religions or rather his ignorance and misconceptions he carried about his religion along with the lack of revere towards books, their role in human development and their importance in every individual’s life irrelevant of the religion a person belongs to.
Am sure there's no religion in the world which teaches to be respectful to a particular thing or entity if its pertaining to itself and not do the same for one which belongs to other religion.Well, to silent my quest I need to thoroughly study the one in question.

(23) ADDICTION

Almost every day, I surf internet, check emails and do little writing on my system. My laptop faced a crash lastnight.Since morning I am feeling so uneasy with not being able to do anything with my system.It will take some days to get it repaired.I eagerly awaited Dheeraj to return home so that I could use his laptop and relieve my anxiety .Absence of my connectivity with the virtual world made me feel helpless and disjointed throughout and I realized how addicted I have become to this electronic world and its means. Thanks to my friend with whom I chatted on phone for good time and good cause which kept me uninfluenced from the sense of being cut off for some time, but disconnecting the call again left me handicapped as to reach this friend or other any further, I required my laptop, my system.Infact..I sense similar feeling when I get out of the phone connectivity due to whatever reasons…
It becomes really difficult at times to judge whether the impact of the addiction to this gadgets is more seriously serving the cause of the apprehensions and melancholy rising amongst this cohort people or is it simply the result of varied factors relevant to each individual’s need and desire to reach his/her yearned person or thing.

(22) DON'T STOP, JUST MOVE ON !!!

Hurdles are the milestones
To be reached and crossed
If you want to succeed
Don’t stop, just move on

You may fall in love
With the road you travel
But to reach your goal
Don’t stop, just move on

Things will hold you back
Sense will bar you too
Keep in mind your aim
Don’t stop, just move on

Sometimes it is wise
To kill your emotions
Against your intentions
Don’t stop, just move on

Life is but a game
Don’t lose it to the heart
To fulfill the purpose
Don’t stop, just move on

For a time, you may feel
Defeated by yourself
Evoke your objective
Don’t stop, just move on

(21) FREEDOM FOR A WOMAN

Freedom for a woman
Should also be like other’s
Celebrating individuality
Not diminishing her rather

Being able to live life
As per her own desire
Annihilating the odds
Not yielding other’s ire

Liberty to express her mind
Her heart, body and soul
Behave in accord to her senses
Be herself on the whole

To be able to speak her thoughts
To be treated non-prejudiced
Given the platform with, to be
What she wants, and not otherwise

Having an autonomy to work or simply not
To marry by her choice, or just marry not
Free will to decide all about her life
When to have a child, or rather have it not

Wearing and being what and how she feels
Sovereignty to choose her relation and friends
Independence to reject things she dislikes
Not to follow forcefully, any social trends

Freedom to an unmarried woman
To adopt a child if she wants
Walk alone midnight, like a man
On the road without the haunts

And despite making her preferences
She should be well acknowledged
Not to be questioned for her choices
Rather, she should be applauded

Freedom to a woman in the right manner
Will come, when she will be no reliant
Without fears of rejection and abuse
To the dominants, she can be a defiant.

(20) !!!!!

We left home at around 4.30 in the evening last Saturday for market.We reached a T junction after driving half a kilometer. Dheeraj was driving at 20kmp and we were discussing about something. A huge Marshal jeep coming from the right hand lane,suddenly attacked us with all possible strength on the driver side exactly in middle of the car banging into both the doors.May be the driver lost her control or maybe she was not so perfect at driving.It gave a huge thrust to our car pushing us along with it towards the foot-path and wall on the left hand side with a loud screech of car brakes and the friction noise of the tyres with the road.The push away trip of 5 seconds gave me a feel of being taken away not only from the road but from the life itself.I could hardly gather what was happening until a loud cry of my daughter who got hit on her head which slammed on the door, brought me to senses.i hugged her tight and made her stop crying.Though a huge damage done to the car, we were thankful to the almighty for keeping us all so safe. Had it been a miss of a moment by dheeraj to control the car, it would have toggled up or smashed on the wall injuring us all badly or maybe resulting into something worse than that. Though we felt bad about the car but then as I always say and I believe that “whatever happens, happens for good”, we looked at the positive side of it, may be God wanted to stop and save us here itself, may be there was something big bad waiting to happen to us ahead..

(19) I PITY, I SYMPATHIZE !!!!

I always wanted to adore him like a pal
I wanted to look up to him, when dull
I never wanted to have disgust for him, But now I do

I believed, though unlike, he was still human
I thought he too deserved care and concern
I never took him to be contemptible, But now I do

I was sure he was a man of words and merit
Would care of his own and other’s credit
I disliked to even think bad about him, But now I do

I had immense respect for him as a person
I had befriend him beyond all the cordon
I never shunned him for anything, But now I do

My behavior with him was never prejudiced
To make him feel inferior, I truly never tried
I valued him, not sympathized, But now I do

I never thought he was one, deprived or pitiable
I never felt there’s something, he was not capable
I never felt he was unfortunate, But now I do

I feel extremely sorry for him and his doom
Though with his sunlight, he lives in a gloom
Cares not for what he has been blessed with
Savoring his ego, he let go off the bloom

I pity him for his blindness, with superior eyes
And for his imprudence, in wisdom’s disguise
I feel sorry for his acts and his corrupt thoughts
Which he does taking so much honor-pride

He is one selfish, living egocentric life
He worries not for others, only for his thrive
Seldom he agrees, joy is in helping others
For him life is one, self- enhancing drive

I wish God bless him with some more serenity
I wish god help him to behave with tranquility
I wish he values life, before the day he dies
And comprehend living life with equanimity

(18) MAY BE I AM LIKE THAT!!

Though I made you happy
And made you laugh again
Tell you something truly
I am still feeling sad

However hard I try
I cannot come over
Cannot forget your words
And the tiff we had

I tried not to recall
Any of those thoughts
How you made me feel
I still don’t feel glad

I am not trying to oblige
But I can’t see one in pain
Try to make all happy
May be I am like that

Saying thus, I don’t intend
To make you feel guilty
Just wanted to let you know
I am still feeling bad…..

(17) CANVAS

She did this last month
I thought of wiping it
Somehow I could not do
Task of scrubbing it

These are the scribbles
Made by my daughter
With a set of crayons
On the wall’s coffer

This is her work of art
Her first ever impression
Attempt to make something
Of her own reflection

Colorful like herself
Curving in any shape
Not bounded by the rules
We follow like an ape

Intensifying it so more
With fine-looking bends
Coaching us to live
Forgetting all the rends

More of Blue, little Red
Arc of Brown, lines of Green
Split of Black, so of Yellow
Smirking shapes, makes u beam

She had so much fun
To make all the squiggles
On question, she takes onus
And innocently she giggles

Her face reflects the pride
Her eyes becomes though, coy
She thinks her art is marvel
Her thrill reveals the joy

No, I cannot rub it
Not on my own self
It has my angel’s vision
It is my daughter’s delve

(16) THANK U GOD!!

I want to thank god
For making me complete
Giving me potential
To fulfill my deeds

I mean to say something
Allied to physical vigor
For every human being
Though, it doesn’t confer

When I see around
Someone is handicap
Feeling sorry for them
Feel blessed for myself

I marvel how they manage
To do things with impairment
How testing it would be
For them to do the errand

How do they cope with
One hand or none
One leg or none
One eye or none
One ear or none

How do they live with
More barriers like this
When we, with smallest sore
Fret like a kid.

I got cut two days back
Left hand – my little finger
However,I dealt with chores
With though pain and tinker

Twist of fate so weird
I got cut yesterday too
On right hand finger now
Making it hell all through

To make things even worse
I burnt my hand today
I wonder what is happening
With me, anyway.

I am facing deadly troubles
In everything I do
I am feeling very helpless
Just don’t know what to do

I cannot knead the dough
Can’t cut the vegetables
Nor roll the chapattis
Can’t even set the table

Somehow I am doing all
Though with more of pain
And thanking god for my being
All over and over again

For the fortune I have
Of being physical entire
Praying for all impaired
Who live with, yet, no ire.

(15) BALANCING PERFECTION-IMPERFECTION

Words from my brother in law in Singapore:-Your write is about looking for being a perfectionist and perfectionism with in you and with people around you... i would be really interested to read from you... of something which you have felt with a question....not being perfect with in you and people around you. But still enjoyed being not perfect...

This is what I have to say

My well wisher judged me so aptly to be a person addicted to perfectionism.Well this addiction,which though is since my childhood, has on one hand served me appreciation,satisfaction,growth,good friends,success and much more alike whereas on the other hand it gave me criticism,dissatisfaction, stretched relations, compromises and things alike.Though being a very crucial characteristic of my nature, I never did think about it on a separate soil.Possibly because its so much mixed in my routine behavior that I seldom realize it can ever be thought about as a total diverse topic.Now when he has so intellectually pointed it out,i really think it has to do a lot with my being.For example,consider few small things happening in day to day life.
I don’t like to see anything in the house not kept in order,however tired or ill I am ,I try and put them in place.
I pull the bedsheet on bed and make it proper everytime I see a little crease on it.
I cannot tolerate to see the water in bucket left over by the former person after taking bath,I immediately empty it and keep it to dry or fill with fresh one.
Even if I am dead tired after guests leaving house midnight,I don’t leave behind the dining plates and serving bowls to be cleared up next morning.
After logging in for checking emails, firstly I look for spam,check them if any important mail has slipped into it, and only after deleting spam, I go to check the inbox.
I dont tolerate if the order of my books,clothes,cosmetics kept in shelves is changed .
I get uneasy if a phone call gets disconnected abruptly and ends without a proper bye.
I can’t bear my daughter picking up any not-so-proper word or phrase from her friends and I get to rest only after making her unlearn it.
And I behave the worse, if any individual how much ever close he/she is, in whatever way he/she is related to me, lies to me, tries to bully me for self benefit ,or does something to forfeit my trust put in him/her.
And much more alike can be added up to the list above. Having said all that, I really don’t know how many mentions of them really fall under the outcomes of a perfectionism disease(or perhaps boon).

Well, along with pointing out my behavior of a perfectionist, my well-wisher also suggested me to assume my self and surrounding to be a complete no-no to so called perfection and then count how I felt. When I thought about it, I realized that I actually don’t need to assume so as I have already been in such a situation many a times.
Infact they are so many, I can hardly jot them all down over here. But still, to recount
· When needed in urgency to wrap some trash, I tear of from the newspaper which is of the same day and feel relaxed to do away with the junk.(otherwise I don’t allow anyone to do so even from a week old newspaper)
· I lie down on return from movie or party without changing to home attire(whereas otherwise I don’t do that even when I am stiff tired.)

To recall from past,
When my aunt was fast asleep one afternoon,I took out my uncle’s scooter and kicked it on to ride it almost for an hour to find a u turn which could bring me back home because I did not know then to ride a geared vehicle or manage it or stop it midway to take a turn back.Back home, my aunt was horrified to find neither of us..scooter and me.Few months later I did same adventure with my colleagues bike when few staff members had gone to a temple some 50 kilometers from Rajkot when I was working there.I convinced them of my grasp on bike riding(which I hardly rode earlier) and took it from one of them only to fly on road.I never saw the speedometer during my 15 minutes of ride on NH8,but could feel the thrill to fly on road.(being a perfectionist I would have never done either of them knowing it could have caused my life also)
· While pursuing my engineering, I stayed in a hostel managed by a very strict warden. Girls of 6 rooms of the hostel were not allowed to stand in the balcony during evenings or night,because light of the huge halogen standing on top of the terrace fell directly on these room’s balconies, and boys who stayed in building next compound use to create noisy disruption, do monkey business while passing besides the girls hostel.Well, we could not take the jail for more time, and one of my electrical discipline hostel mate took me in confidence to fuse the light so that we could rest in peace in balcony for atleast some day.And we did this thrice after every repair, atlast to make it a permanent damage to the hostel and permanent freedom to us.(Being otherwise ,I would neither confide in such deeds, not let others too do so)

· During college, while going for a morning coffee to canteen with a senior girl, I held the collars and hit a miscreant boy who was accompanied by dozen guys like him and who stopped us to settle some old quarrel with my senior and used bad words with her. Though I had nothing to do with the matter, unintentionally I got involved and subsequently got famous for daring deed which I quite secretly enjoyed(being otherwise,I would never get involved,not to the hitting extent with those troublemakers holding the worse history around)

· When I was working for a finance firm, we had a meeting lined up with an HNI client. Three of us, me, my boss and her boss went to meet her. By the time we finished our meeting, it had started raining very heavily. We had to reach office in time and mail the meeting details to HO, to get the proposal approved the same day. My boss’boss offered us lift back to office though he had another meeting far off, which we rejected and suggested to go on our own. Somehow we managed to reach office building in an hour and a half,but by then we both were completely drenched. Though my boss argued so much to get back to work, but I convinced her to make it a chutti for both of us to have the famous hot corn maize being sold outside the law garden. Having that corn my boss left for home and I enjoyed rains for two more hours before leaving for home.(otherwise I would never leave work for fun).

Well, many more incidents and deeds can be added to the list above which surely proves that I enjoy life being a non-perfectionist as well besides perfectionism being my pinnacle agenda or trait OR MAY BE SO I BELIEVE/BEHAVE.

(14) A GOOD-BAD FRIEND

I took you to be friend
And I will always do
Forgetting all you say
Forgetting all you do

Though you say again
You don’t consider me
As a friend or so
It hardly concerns me

For you are one who think
Life is led by rules
Which you make and kink
Rest all are fools

You are the one who believe
There always has to be aim
And some selfish motive
Behind the relation game

You deem feelings are fake
Those who show are cons
And you want others to act
As per your ease and norms

You don’t care what you say
And how it harms your people
You only love your own self
And leave others to sniffle

I swear I haven’t known one
Person like you ever
For the lesson you taught me
I can forget you never

Lesson to not be honest
All the times in life
Behave though diplomatic
Manner which is so rife

But still I feel to thank
Thank you for being so rude
Letting me know your thoughts
Leaving me sense so brood


Because it helped me know
How callous can that one be
How selfish can people grow
How swindler can someone be

Having said that all so far
I don’t intend to show hatred
That’s being not my contest
I don’t feel I am betrayed

Reason being so avid clear
I truly deserved this all
For being myself in nature
I had to see this fall

For I am the one who thinks
Life is the trip to good being
Do best to make all happy
By doing truly everything

For I am the one who believe
Life is too short to fight
And this is the way I live
Trying to take snags light

So I had to indeed pay
For this course of amity
I made sure every way
To rebuke off my vanity

And thus I feel now casual
For all the accusations
You took so pride in charging
All the allegations

Now may you rest in harmony
Withholding all you want
For now your shoddy actions
Can scarcely make me haunt

Well,then I end with a hope
To see you altruistic next time
Since life is not a crow fly
Dear!!, it’s a spinning chime

(13) DON"T TRY TO GO AWAY

Don’t try to go away
Wont let you anyway
Not only in my eyes
You are in me everyway

You are beating in my heart
Flowing through the veins
My voice echoes your love

Tears reflects the pains

Mind one thing for all
Theres no-one on the earth
Who can with his love
Fill my heart and dearth

You do, so far I survive
You do, so far I applaud
You cease to be with me
No more life “My Lord”

(12) SAY IT...BEFORE ITS TOO LATE !!

Last Monday,10.00 p.m.,we were watching a movie at home when I received a call from my brother who was in a train from Ahmedabad to Surat.He asked me to keep awake till he reaches as he wanted to talk about something important.Concerned and anxious,I asked him if there was something to worry about.He assured me no fears but insisted that Dheeraj(my hubby) and I should keep awake till he called us back.We agreed and anyways we were watching a movie which would have kept us awake for atleast an hour further.
At around 11.45pm, we called him when he had just reached his residence.Well, he asked us to put the phone on loudspeaker so that we both could hear him.Further he requested us not to interrupt or question him until he had completed what he had to say.All this made me more curious and bit furious as to what was he going to say.I asked him if he had atlast found a girlfriend to which he said, “Sorry , not yet”and asked me to keep quiet for sometime.He said,It’s a story of a boy and his father and narrated it as:-
“They lived in Ahmedabad,Gujarat.He was boy of reserved nature but big ideas.Being the only child to them,parents were bit domineering.Besides the father-son liason,they shared a teacher-student relation too as son studied in same college where his father was a professor.Though it was difficut to say in which pursuit were they more comfortable,it was pretty obvious that professor was a very caring and aspiring father to the boy.But somehow they did not enjoy a rapport of very frank comrades to each other owing to perhaps,typical Indian father’s insistent and punitive standpoint and son’s reticent and kept back rejoinders.But that could never be misunderstood for a strained association amongst them as it never was.However,one thing which always parted their ways was a decision made by the son and not granted or rather not welcomed by his father.And that was his ambition to become a commercial pilot whereas his father wanted him to become an IAS officer.Countless times the urge to discuss and decide it off roused at both ends only to get cutshort before initiation.Well, neither father nor the son could ever make their hearts unvarying to each other over many other matters including this issue as well. Somehow son decided to do MBA ,earn money and then fulfill his dream to become a commercial pilot.April 2008,he left for USA to pursue his MBA.
Mid July’08,Ahmedabad,evening time,his father was on his way to,perhaps home, riding his motorbike on Sarkhej highway,when a speeding Quails approaching from the opposite direction on the parallel road separated by a giant divider,lost its control and breaking all the barriers between its killing speed and professor’s safe speed,banged into the bike to end one life.Eye witnesses and newspaper file photos evidenced the merciless end of a respected gentleman.Son reached Ahmedabad ,performed the last rituals and decided to drop his first semester”.
This boy and my brother are good friends.He often shared his thoughts ,dreams and dilemmas with my bro.He sometimes felt sad about not being able to be so open to his own father while conversing.For him, there’s nothing to say or maybe things to be said are left far behind,now forever.My brother witnessed almost all the evolutions of feelings between this twosome, being able to see them in the college and their home for good time.
After recounting all this, my brother almost became emotional and expressed his grief about this dear loss of a wonderful professor,guardian and a close friend’s father.He was more upset about his friend’s father loss over his own professor’s loss though it was the same man in both case.He could not bear his friend’s pain of being left out with a heavy heart, full of confers he could not communicate to his father which he, indeed, always wanted to.
And then taking a deep breath my brother told us about one thing which he learned from his friends life ,that one should never hold back his feelings and speak it out as loud and as often as possible because life hardly gives more chances.And then he said,’I love you,I love you all very much and will say it regularly to you .’’Left speechless,we reciprocated with same love and agreed willfully that whatever he said was so utterly true.
So,go ahead…..let your people know that you too love them.

(11) BETTER LEFT UNSAID !!

A gloomy heart beseeching; comfort and some peace
Made me think I could; say everything with ease

Sustaining my mind ;I deep-rooted my thought
And put an urge forward ;if we could do a talk

On getting the consent ; I made attempt to speak
What on earth so happened; I could not even creep

Bemused with my words; I riddled all the more
Didn’t make out what to say; Alas! my lack of lore!

Something from within; struggled to drag me back
Thus I made pretext; which was though a slack

Later when I thought; thought all over it again
Realized this confer; would have halted in a pain

Why to convey soreness; grant me live it all
Put behind the murky talk; give it a gravy fall

As they say so shrewdly; nothing happens for bad
A few things in this world are better left unsaid.

(10) एक आंसू

मुखोटा मुस्कराहट का,दिल मैं छिपी उदासी है
सुखी इन आंखों मैं रह गया कतरा,एक आंसू अभी बाकी है


डर है मिल न जाओ कभी तुम ,फिर कही किसी मोड़ पर
कैसे मिल पाउँगा तुमसे,आँख मैं आंसू रोक कर

चाहा तुम्हे था तब भी मैंने, आज भी उतनी चाहत है
सुकून न तब कभी दिल को मिला,आज भी नही कोई राहत है

सोचता हु कहा ग़लत था मैं,क्यों तुम मुझसे छुट गई
तुम्हे देखकर सवर गई थी, वो किस्मत मेरी रूठ गयी

कहना पाया तुमसे कभी मैं ,अपने दिल की बात magar
बरसो झेला है इस दिल ने, उस नाकामी को वो कहर

तुमको देखे सालो beetein,जाने अब कब मौका मिले
न ही मिले तो अच्छा है,क्यों फिर से वो धोका मिले
तुमसे क्यों मैं शिकवा करू,तुमने कभी मुझे चाहा नही
प्यार की कहाँ गुंजाइश थी,दोस्ती से भी सराहा नही

खेर चलो अब जाने दो,ये तो पुरानी बातें है
मेरे अधूरे प्यार की ये, प्यारी सी सौगातें है

दुआ करो तुम इतनी सी बस,फिर हम कही मिल जाए अगरचुप रहे ये आँखें मेरी,तुमसे मिले जब मेरी नज़र

(9) FOR MY MOTHER

Giver of my life, lovely Mother,when I say
Trust me for each word,I mean it every way

Beginning from infancy,till I grew adult
‘Gallant’ as I see, had ever been your cult

There’s so much in my life,I’ve stressed you with
How with all the ache,you played always so blithe

All your rant and rave,were surely for my good
Though not then dear mom,but far I understood

You taught me to be good,to everyone I meet
To take moral and rise, from one and all defeat

I have seen you through,living for everyone
Recall a day for you, am sure there is no one

I have lived with you, without you mother
Former felt protected,I struggled in nether

Whenever I feel down and think of doing flee
Although being so far, you tend to be with me

Cant think what would ensue, when you wont be around
Sadly and so truly, I’ll loose my skies and ground

I want to thank you mom,before we part for length
For everything you gave, love,wisdom and strength

Though words can never do, enough of thanking you
I want to say it mother, till my life here let me do

(8) THAT OLD LADY !!

May last year,I had been home to see my parents,my family.One afternoon,when my daughter was fast asleep,I accompanied my brother on his bike to see one land property he was intending to purchase.Summers of Ahmedabad are well-known for their pestering conduct.Though I had worn a full sleeves cotton shirt paired with cotton trousers ,hands covered with soothing gloves and face covered with a smooth scarf to sheild myself from roasting heat,it was tough to live through the weather and I was cursing my choice of coming out in the afternoon.However, we survived to reach the destination and saw the property.

While coming back,I asked my brother to take me to some fruit-vegetable bazaar.When we were done with the shopping and heading to go home through that small market,I saw an old lady hauling the wooden pushcart(lorry) which was stacked with the earthen pots.I was in awe to see how could she,without a grumble,tread in open, beneath the heat hammering sky, pulling that heavy cart when on the other hand ,though being in much more comfort when compared to her ,I was largely carping about a lot. Bike was progressing on its lowest speed owing to the small market crowd; and due to my interest rousing in that poor lady, I was constantly studying her.My heart was taken aback when while moving my eyes from her top to toe, I noticed she was walking bare footed on the charcoal laid road which was more like a fire ramp podium.I could just not accept the pain on her part.I asked my brother to hurry up and take me to some shoe shop, to which he got perplexed and asked me why all of sudden I wanted a shoe shop.I requested him to zip his mouth and do what I told him.He thus kept moving further ,searching for the same,but being a small souk there was not a single shoe store.At last ,my discontent turned into glee when I we saw one road side vendor who was bearing slippers in his open cart.We stopped by his side and demanded for a pair of slippers.He inquired about the size to be given but I had no answer and I started looking back for that lady who by then had thankfully reached by our side.I told the vendor to look at her feet and give of that size.She saw me pointing towards her and stopped to ask me if I wanted to buy something from her.I denied of buying something and hesitatingly offered her the pair of slippers.She looked at me though in a shock and possibly some agony but said nothing.On reading her offended looks I tried to justify myself and told her that my act was just a gesture of help.She composed down and said she did not acknowledge anything given in sympathy as she was proficient of earning her own bread. She further told me that if I really wanted to help her, I should buy something from her.I felt helpless, although very helpless as I could neither succeed in aiding her with sleepers nor could I purchase the earthen pots from her as they were too large to be taken home on a bike.I could only manage to impart my apologies to her for not being able to buy anyhthing. All the way back home, I was merely assessing her , and deemed immense reverence for her self-worth attitude, confidence and integrity.

(7) MY FIRST LOVE

Its been ten years since I fell in love with someone,for the first time. My world changed altogether.Life seemed so beautiful,meaningful and fascinating.I believed I had got the globe in my fist.I had never been in such an intense emotional involvement with anyone before.I began to live in fantasies.I admired my beloved so much that no-one else around appealed to me the least.I was living the best phase of my life with this someone in my verve.Despite the fact that I could barely take out much time to spend with my love ,that person remained with me every where I went and in everything I did.That celebrity of my life was so distinctive, so exquisite, so charismatic,one who conveyed the most alluring persona around,portraited the best form of human being,was the centre of attraction for all,was very divine,depicted the vivacious precursor of love through the converse, assured lasting accqaintance through the endeavors and demonstrated generosity towards everyone and in every task executed.I could give anything in trade to be with this effervescent individual right through whole life.
However, life, as they say, rotates on a wheel which meanders to good and bad likewise.So now it was my turn to bite the bullet.I encounterd a big attainment failure in my life which not only shattered my mental,physical potential but also ruined my entire emotive potency together with executing my world of whimsies.My life came to a stand still for quite some time until I got a further way to pull off the so called achievements to compete and withstand humanity.Perhaps by then,my love life had been eyed upon by the evil spirits and we lost each other for almost an eternity.
I got busy with studies,then career and making life socially better.But never for a day I forgot my someone and yearned for the same at all times.I strived very tough to get my love back, although it did not give any fruitful outcome.At length I dropped the hope,save for,never gave up doting this individaul.
3 years back,I got happily married and have a beautiful family.The best part is my little angel daughter.Nothing is imperfect anymore but nonetheless something always pinches me and jog my memory to miss that one without which am though living but not inclusive.
Above everything is God and HE is not so prejudiced. I have begun to pass by this person quite often in recent times and now I feel I have acquired my beloved all over again and this time its forever and ever.I have possessed this person so deep in my soul and my existence that even if I loose my physical hold on my adored,I’ll never loose for real.I might in life again face this loss of one being,but I utterly don’t want to loose on love involved in this relationship and I hope the resurgene of my love's homecoming resumes after each atrocious loss.
I am gratified to God for bringing this person into my life, if not, I would have never understood many facades of life in their real conduct, I wouldn’t have learnt to be hopeful,to commend and value what we have rather than to snivel and grumble about what is gone and will not be there.
Where did I come across this person lately?Few days back when I examined rather than looking at, myself, in the mirror.Yes,that love of my life is myself.I used to be a very aspiring,optimistic,self doer kind of person but owing to circumstances and lost of faith in myself I had naively slaughtered myself.I always wanted to bring back my oldbeing to life which eventually happened and am very happy for it.But love for my own self should not be mistaken for selfishness because that’s the last quality I would ever possess .Am looking forward to fulfill all my dreams with positive approach and enthusiasm to live life at its best and keep my love intact throughout this life and lives thenafter.

(6) I ACT BAD THOUGH AM NOT!!

Time and again,I prove it to myself that am a very bad human being.Call it my short temperdness,impatience,anguish,tension,negative feelings or the repercussions I bring about due to these bad qualities/of mine and the relative circumstances.All this add to my reasons for self guilty.
I usually work on my laptop keeping it on its fixed table accompanied with comfortable chair.But today(26thJune’08) due to my backache, I preferred sitting on my bed to do my work.I rested my back on a pillow supported to the wall to which the bed is kept attached and kept the laptop on other pillow laid on my laps.As soon as I started my work, my daughter Charvi began to interrupt me by either touching the keyboard or pulling the pillow out and all such things.While I was trying to persuade her to stay calm,I received a phone call and meanwhile I concluded the call she had already done some damage to my laptop.I lost my temper completely and shouted at her at the top of my voice,bet her callously,shook her badly with both my hands not paying attention to her nonstop gushing tears and heart wrenching cries.She was completely terrified.When I had done blowing out all my anger onto her,I calmed down.She was still sobbing hesitatingly as I had commanded her not to cry.In her tattered words she said she wanted to go to the toilet.when I helped her remove her pants , I realized how brutal mother I had been to her few minutes ago.I felt sorry for her and when she was done with her toilet she came to me and asked if she could sit on my lap.I took her in my arms,hugged her tight and made her sit where she wanted.I moved my hand on her back and hips where I had slapped her to feel the lumps formed by my hard hitting hands.I asked her who bet her and why to which her truthful innocence poured out and she said mamma bet me because I broke her laptop and then she assured me that she wont do it again.I told her I was sorry for what I did and she said in her childish voice,’’its okay mamma” in the same way as we tell her when she says sorry for something wrong she does.But the big difference here was,often when we grown ups say ‘its okay’,we tend to make the other person feel obliged, but when she said ‘its okay’..it was absolute forgiveness,forgiveness for the heinous act I did to her only sometime back.Nothing else could have put me to more shame and pity for self as the act of my child pardoning me so easily, did.
I thought about it, which I have done so earlier too,so many times,about my being so bad to such a little wonder of God,my innocent daughter and persistently I have come to a conclusion that it is most likely the outcome of many hitches mixed together.My personal inadequacies like short temperdness,lonliness,inferiority due to non-continuance of my career,my high expectations of perfection from my child,physical fatigue due to running around behind her throughout the day and trying to keep the house intact as per my liking(which though is not possible when there’s a little child in it with her father alike) and most importantly lack of some time for self ,does possibly act as the main cause of my rage and fury.But then is she to be blamed for everything.No..precisely not..because it was our decision to bring her to existence so then its our duty to impart her all she needs, most importantly the time.And honestly I tried to work upon myself so much so to get accommodated to this permanent change of life and to a great extent I have succeded even, but then I don’t know what happens to me at times,I feel stretched and so I burst out like this and to confess candidly I have done so earlier also few times which I know is very bad. though it has never been worse like today. I have promised myself so many times not to repeat such things,but I fail,I fail always.What should I do?And again today,I have put myself to a test of life,a promise I have made to myself to prove that I am not as bad as I think I am and this I can do only by controlling myself and judging the situations purely on its occurrence and thus acting rightfully as required.
All the time when I was writing this, she was lying by my side on the bed putting her hand on my stomach and looking straight into my face.Whenever I looked at her and gave her a smile,she asked me to continue my work and that she will sleep on her own.Just imagine a girl who is not even two years old,where does she exhibits such wisdom from.She is indeed a true picture of god as often said by my mother in law.I pray to God to impart me a bit of this wisdom and not be a foolish to do such things again.You know,whenever I beat her or scold her,I feel very bad afterwards,I feel like crying and punishing myself.I cannot even see her dad scolding her yet in the lightest tone of voice.But then how can I be so rude??
I wish and hope I take care to be less impatient while dealing with her who is the best gift of my life.She is the one who made me understand so many things in the better form.

(5) MY MOST PAMPERED PERSON

19th June’08
First thing I did this morning was to call my younger brother,today being his birthday.Unchanged harmonious childlike voice responded my call thanking me in the familiar beautiful tone for his birthday wishes.When I enquired his birthday plans, he told me about the four parties lined up throughout the day.Being the predictable concerned elder sister,I further questioned him regarding the finance required thereof to which he responded in his cool sporty approach and asked me not to worry about that as same would be administered by himself. Behesting him good day I hung up the call and got busy with my morning chores.But before that I did ask my sister to give him money on my behalf.
I tried to get some rest laying down on the lazy bean bag in the afternoon when I tripped into the reflection of my childhood days.Not straining much on recalling my incidents I rather prefered to summon up my brother’s life progress .It appeared like a filmstrip being played in my mind.I called back my brother rising up up from a child to a young gentleman.He was a flabby,very fair, appealing baby in his first 5 years,though he never lost his striking façade till date.He used to be the most adorable in our family and amongst others owing to his sweet persona and being the youngest in the folks.I remember very sharply that he never happily stayed away from my mother even for a single day till he was 17 ,however he is even now a mother’s boy.Everyone use to tease him for his yearning for mother conceal.
I did not stay much with my parents and siblings as I had moved to my maternal grandparent’s house in another city when I was 13.I used to visit my family every year during summer vacation and I can surely discern that I never missed anybody else so much as I did miss my sweet boy whom we call Munna at home.Each visit added my sweet time memories passed with my family and wih my brother.I used to play with him fairly like his same-age friends besides the 7 years age difference between us.I can yet call to mind his timid face he used to hide with both his hands to save himself from my teeth marks.I used to run behind him like a cat and once caught hold,I would bite him hard on both his cheeks and then laugh at his cry which was accompanied by his worries to deal with his friends with queries about the marks.After all, my boy was maturing.
When he was in 12th class and I was posted in a far off city for my job,I received his call one day whining about my mom who was not allowing her for a 10 day school trip to Goa and he asked me to persuade her which was next to impossible.Though I also knew it was not very wise to compromise such a long time of his studies,but somehow I again gave up to my protective love towards him which always facilitates his demands.I requested my mom a lot but in vain.At last she settled but warned me against mollycoddling him and said she wouldn’t give a single penny to him for this trip.I agreed to pay for his expenditure and so did I He called me on his coming back and the words he used to thank me were heart stirring.He also said he was very grateful to me for letting him experience the best era of his life until then.I felt very conceited to be an amorous sister.
Past few days he again called me to convince my mom to allow him get my two wheeler from my grand parent’s house where I left it as I did not need it in the city I was placed; my abode being at walk able expanse from my office.My mom wanted him to carry on riding his bicycle to school and tuitions both being in 2 kilometers radius along with her worry that he would spend his saved time with friends as he always had a fortune of buddies.But I don’t know what ensues me and my acumen when on earth I arbiter his demands.I survived to get him my scooty over there.But this did not end here and I kept on authorizing his requisites to all probable levels.Perhaps I realize and deem he is the only one till now whom I most coddle,protect and lavish care on and feel like spoiling with all my love .
I am married for 3 years now and have got to see home almost 7 times during this course.But I don’t see our relationship getting any indolent.Though he has grown up physically,mentally,socially and emotionally but for me he enacts the same small kid and I too response him like I did years back.All others in the family has indicated and advised me atleast once in these years to change my attitude towards him,be more austere rather than indulgent and trust me I tried as well.I have been very harsh too him so many times.Infact on my first visit home eight months after my wedding, I went on to slap him to end up a very agitated conversation between us which resulted due to my questioning him sternly owing to the hundreds of complaints for his behaviour,demands,attitude from other members in the family.I repented my action all the more when he responded to my daft deed with a delightful smile and good morning wish next day.
He is distinctive,uncommon and different from everyone else in the family and I always acquired the feeling that I know him better than anyone else and may be its true to a greater extent as he is also most compatible with me.His lovable and candid peripheral appearance is just one quality to his individuality.He has grown up into a mature man.He speaks big strategies,he worries about his elder brothers academic decisions ,he discusses family financials,he advices for his sister’s alliance, he gives me innovative idea to bring up my little one…Ooo… Ooo…he is so grown up….he genuinely is!!.
It seems like a dream..he has turned 21 today,just cant believe.21years old,my toy boy has become a man..man of words,responsibilities and enormous potential.He graduated this year alongwith clearing his CS intern.He joined his articleship last month and today when I called to wish him he told me he received his first stipend and he wants to buy me something from that money.I was moved by his words.I could hardly speak but then I requested him to give that money(which he want to spend on me) to mom to which he told that it was already in plan but he wanted me also to buy something.I agreed and asked him to gift me a book of my choice as for me a book is the best gift one can ever present me.
Though I still entertain some grievances against his childlike,adamant and rude (sometimes) behaviour,but I know for sure( and others too) deep in my heart that he is uniquely good and is sure to go a long long way.. and places ofcourse.I wish the very best of the world always to him on behalf of everyone of the family and those who know him because everyone loves him and why would they not…he is such a sweetheart.
I WISH HIM MANY MANY HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL RETURNS OF THIS DAY .

(4) IT'S ALL ABOUT FAITH

Last Thursday,I had to do some shopping and then visit the Sai baba temple.Weather was not very welcoming and it was raining at irregular intervals since morning.At four in the evening,it took another break and stopped pouring in.I thought it was the right time to start if I wanted to be back home before it was too dark.I dressed my daughter in a full sleeves t-shirt and long pants with a jacket as it was cold outside. Through our traverse in a rented auto towards the marketplace, I saw water blocked at many places and roads flooded with dirty water making it intricate for the striders to move with ease. Budging through the water slide we reached the variety store and by the time I had done my shopping,it had started drizzling yet again.I could not wait for long behind the transparent glass door of the building from where my daughter enjoyed watching rain,as I had to visit the temple and be back home in time.When the frequency of the rain dwindled,we stepped out and awaited some transportation for agreeable time but it was futile.We started walking by the roadside and I tried to stop every unfilled auto which passed by from there.Some of them did not agree to go to the temple as it was located in a traffic prone area and some asked for three times the fare.I was not willing to compromise with my values by paying whatever they demanded as it was ethically improper.I was in in quandary situation and didn’t know what to do.To renounce and comfort my daughter who had supported me a good deal by mutely walking with me almost half a kilometer although she was by now partly drenched by the petite drops still plunging OR to stick to my values and keep marching until I found one truthful rickshaw wala.The second thought was to go back home without visiting the temple but I was reluctant to do that either as I had never been to that temple during my entire stay of last two years into Hyderabad and I was trying hard to visit the same since I had return from my holiday to Ahmedabad where I transpired to spot Sai baba almost everyday in a row in last week of my stay over there through uncommon means and thought it was some insinuation of Lord to me and hence past any difficulties I wanted to yield sight of Sai baba this Thursday though am not a frequent temple visitor.I looked at this trouble to be an ordeal from Lord to investigate my faith in HIM and thus I kept strolling in conjunction with my conversation to GOD that I will surely visit him today.And the next moment an auto came to a stand still by our side and the lady passenger from within tendered us a lift upto the main road which connected the temple to hardly a 3 minutes run street.Trouncing my preliminary indecision I entered in along with my daughter.While thanking that lady I realized she was the one who was walking along with us since last 20 minutes and was herself too, in search of an auto.I felt she was God sent and thanked god for that.
Intersecting the massive traffic, we reached the main road junction in some 15 minutes and while perching down on the stairway of the a petrol bunk where autorickshaw came to a halt, when I asked the driver how much I had to pay him,that lady interrupted us and replied with a smile that I had to pay nothing as she had given us a lift in her hired auto.I thanked her again and eagerly sloped my eyes in all directions to search for another auto which could take us to temple as it had again started raining thickly.Within few seconds there came an auto from which the passenger alighted and I rushed towards it and asked the driver if he could take us to the Saibaba temple.His disinclined facial expression showed he was not interested but then he thought a bit for a flash(maybe that he was denying a disciple to get to her Lord or may be something else) and suddenly his reaction altered to nodding for yes.I could easily pick out that he did so on humanity grounds and in name of god.I thanked him while grounding and gave him his fare.
We were just in time for aarti and there was a long queue for darshan,but again gratitudes to the God, nobody turned hostile when we entered in without following the queue as I was completely exhausted besides being wet and so was my little one.We located some space to sit and calm down before aarti which began subsequently in following 10 minutes.It was very fulfilling sensation to be a part of that half an hour pooja procession.I felt very peaceful and lighten up within.I apprehended the common conviction about faith. Because I had faith in him and desire to witness him, he organized the means to make it viable.If I would have had doubts in mind about him as I earlier had sometimes,am sure this time too it would not have been possible for me to pay a visit to him.
We left the temple and once more I had to look for an auto in midst of the heftily downpouring rain.By now my 1 year 10 months old daughter was utterly fatigued and was not ready to walk a single step.She insisted me to clutch-cart her which I did with lot of pain as even I was badly tired.I kept walking but could not find a single auto to go back home.God came in disguise of a college boy who was walking behind us ,he came to the fore and offered me a help to lift my daughter up to the road end.i approved of the requisite help and we walked near the road end from where the boy took a left way and we waited there again to get some transportation.Drained by the effort to stop every bare auto,erroneously I waved hand to an auto which was already having a passenger,but the lady from inside waved back her hand to me and asked the driver to stop.We were given a lift upto my husband’s office which was on the same route she was traveling.I could not offer her anything else but a very warm wholly thank and blessings.My husband drove us all back home and I recounted the complete episode to him and acknowledged the conquest of FAITH over every other thing.

(3) A BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE

It was a small muddy narrow road with no charcoal laid on it and covered with green top made by the trees on its either sides. I was walking at the least stride along with this handsome on my side dressed in his own best style and whom I admired the most in my school days.He was looking his finest in a pair of denim pants,white lining shirt peeping out of the blue denim short jacket which had a black cloth slit at the back and the sleeves cuff folded at the wrist, decent casual shoes,and all this escorted with his perpetual charming smile and that killing look of his majestic eyes.Passing through this leafy garden of my first school campus,we reached the open ground where around hundred more people(students) were assembled.Girls in the first row and boys in the following .There were two male and two female instructors to guide us all throughout the trip which was about to start to some hilly jungle zone for trekking purpose .As both of us approached them, girls started gazing us with questions in their eyes to verify if there was something like a matter going on between us. I looked back at them strangely and then turned to smile at him who was just a little behind me and then we both joined ourselves in the respective queues. And all this was being watched from the window by our school principal whose office was exactly behind the lines formed.
Few minutes passed by and we started our trip in two different buses. Boys in the first bus and girls in the subsequent.It was a 2 by 2 non ac bus and I had nobody sitting besides me. We entered the rain forest after traveling for some 5 hours and it was green all around. Seemed it had rained heavily the previous night. Bus was moving at a very slow speed due to the kachha filthy road. I was looking out of the window in a very nostalgic mood when suddenly I realized that one of my classmates who was in the former bus was observing me persistently through the back glass of his bus while sitting in the last seat.And he could see me easily as I was in the first row of the bus and both buses were made with some transparent fiber body.I became a bit conscious by being watched so vehemently and felt uncomfortable for quite some time.
Within next 20 minutes, we reached a place where there were big stones lying on the road and they had to be allofed to move further.Few people got down and initiated the help.I again began to admire the beauty of nature and while gently sloping my eyes through the jungle, I saw a huge dam like water body which had massive waters running through it.I have always had some fear with the the deep waters and same feeling I sensed to see that giant water blockade .I tried to study it more deeply when I saw two boys who were trying to get down through the wall to get into the waters .One of them lost his balance and fell into it only to reach the depth of some 20-30 feet beneath and as the water was crystal clear I could see him struggling for life to come up.Past the frequent tries he made,he succeeded to reach on the crown level .I skipped my heart beats to see all this but was relived at last when he saved himself.I moved my eyes away from that scene because I had not enough strength to see something like this any more in case that boy encountered such misfortune again. But I prayed for his safety.
Stones were removed and we advanced our journey.It was one more hour to travel through that deep jungle and there we reached our destination, a big building which was hired for our accomodation.We were given our rooms and were asked to be ready early next morning to start our trekking. We all were badly tired and could hardly see anything else but bed.Two of us including me did not join others for dinner and laid down in the bed to get some rest.Hardly 5 minutes passed by and there was a knock on the door.The other girl opened the door to see two boys of our class asking for me. I overheard their loud conversation and went there myself to check what the matter was.Amongst those two I recognized the one with less height,silky hair, dovy eyes and face shining with his beautiful smile.He was the guy who admired me a lot and had asked me earlier to befriend him.He told me he was sorry if he had hurt me by proposing infront of all his friends and said he understood why I refused him.He also assured of a friendly behavior ahead owing to my liking towards someone else.I simply nodded my head to accept his apology. They left and I returned to fast sleep only to wake up next morning.Somehow I did not feel like joining the group again for the early hour trekking and I made some silly excuse to stay back.When others had left ,I went to the terrace of the building which was connected to other constructions in a stepladder manner making it doable for one to reach the last structure roof in procession.I started walking down the top of each building until I reached the last roof which sheltered a very old house.Sun had risen by then.It was a beautiful morning with birds chirping all around,sun spreading its rays on every single thing on the earth, passing by river reflecting with sun rays, people chanting their morning prayers.It felt I could see the whole world from the top of that house.I stood there for a long time, bathing in the cool breeze with my eyes shut, smelling the fragrance of the nature and lost in some beautiful thoughts of love, life and admiring my ownself.While I was enjoying this enthralling encounter of my life, I was disturbed by the vibrator of the mobile I was holding in my hand.I pushed the answering button to see who was at the other end. It was my aunt who had call to enquire about the colossal toy my husband had recently brought from USA for my 1 year 10 months old daughter who was now awake and was crying loud for her bottle of milk and to make me realize that I was not on some trekking trip but on a voyage to some dreamland which was perhaps exhibiting different phases of my own life and emotions within.
It was indeed a beautiful experience to live that DREAM.

(2) MEDIUM OF GOD

I proved myself wrong by defeating the thought I perceived that language can be a big barrier to communicate if not understood at both end.We shifted to a new house three months back and I had to appoint a new maid servant.I came across many women who came to know about my search and represented themselves the best suitable for the job,but somehow i could not zeroupon any of them until one day this lady who could neither speak nor understand my language came to me for the same purpose accompanied by her relative who acted as an interprator.Though I was not ready to accept their proposal,reason being mutual at both ends..mine and hers..language problem,but when i looked into her begging eyes(the one who wanted the job) alongwith her body language going parallel to her words,i felt i could understand how badly she needed some earnings and thus I agreed.She started coming to do the house chores from the very first day of the following month which was hardly a week away.Initially I faced hell lot of problems to explain the task to be done to her and as well happened with her to understand the same,but we continued our association and gradually we both got adapted to our ability of understanding each other's alien language with the help of our gestures and signs.This went on for almost a month and then one day she told me in her own peculiar way to explain with waving hands in different direction sas if she was trying to draw the scenario for me..that she got one more house to do the job and she might have to come to my place little late every day.I okayed it thinking it was good for her to earn more money and serve her family.Only a few days passed with the said schedule and she started making it late and more late day by day.At last when I lost my patience over adjusting things,I asked her to do her job till the month end and then leave for better as she used to get more wages in the other house and I didnt wanted her to leave that just to accomodate my requirement.She pleaded me not to take such a decision and assured me her punctuality from the next day.Well..she did as she said but that too for only few days as it was practically not possible to be at two places at the same time especially when none of the employers(the other lady and myself) were ready to compromise on the timings.So I had to repeat myself about my decision to her.She kept mum for a moment and then turned her face towards me,eyes filled with tears,hands folded,throat seemed to be choaked with some plight,she began to speak in her own language(again greek to me) with her usual hands drawing something in the space between us ,eyes supporting her words and some other medium which was absolutely not seen seemed to conversate every bit she said to me in such a lucid form that I could understand every word of hers.When she had done telling me everything starting from her jobless husband harassing her,debtors making her life miserable,and her two years old daughter whom she hardly fed regularly and who often fell victim to every small diseases,she broke down and started weeping,and fell into my feet begging for her job,pleading me not to appoint someone else.I could not help but cry myself with her beacause this was the first time when i could understand every word she said though till today I dont understand her language.Then how could I?As i said earlier ,there was some invisible unsaid medium which made that possible, medium of humanity,of love,of concern and ofcourse medium of God.

Her relative who had helped her get the job here came to me yesterday and was telling me how thankful my maid was towards me for my behaviour with her,my kindness,my understanding and sympathy towards her.And then she left giving blessings to my family herself and on my maid's behalf.My heart was filled with gratitude,though i thought i did not do something so great to be called kind and of same sort,but then i realised that it might be a small thing for me to compromise with my timings and allow her to continue working ..but for her it was like a boon which kept her earnings alive to continue serving her family better...She still works for me and it seems i feel neither the need to learn her language from the book i bought for the purpose nor do i want her to understand every word i speak to her,anymore.Things seems to have started falling in place without much of effort to put in as was required earlier.

I thank thee God for not letting me forget the lessons of humanity and making me smarter to learn HIS ways of understanding others.