(54) CONTRITION..

Intently, I never did wrong to anyone so far in my life. However, at few occasions, though involuntarily I served some people with bitter experience and parted with them leaving atrocious memories. Those recollections of mind pesters me at times so much so that I get a strong feeling to rewind the period and come back only after correcting all erroneous actions performed in the past. Sadly…that’s not possible. Also, this is my personal feeling that what happened so wrong was actually wrong, but who knows, probably those were the best suited outcomes in respective situations. May be…I am mistaken now, to feel sad about those things. But who will judge me and the time bygone to decide thereby if it’s really worth for me to regret? Well…it’s a complex task and better be left in the palm of time to get resolved. Nevertheless, one thing which can certainly be done to pacify my mind and lost amities in this matter is Forgiveness. Yes, I think ,that at least is in my sentry, but again it depends on the other person if he/she is willing to forgive me for the very matter which never occurred out of my will and wish but unfortunately ended with sour effect.

Here, I recall one incident which could have helped me to take the first step towards such attempt. During my last year trip to Ahmedabad in January, I learnt about one dissimilar restaurant from my brother .It was following a beautiful method of serving humanity. Volunteers would give their name in advance for each day to provide service ranging from cooking, serving food, cleaning the place, and arranging for one or more variety of cuisine on their expense for a day. Restaurant served around 100 people every day in the evening on first come first serve basis. And the best part was, they did not compulsorily charged their customers for the food provided, only imparted the bill and then it was visitor’s free will to pay whatever he wants or rather pay nothing. I quite liked the theme but doubted about the hygiene and ambience of the place. But when I visited it myself, I was quite amazed to see the clean spread out with ethnic furniture and people of all ages serving customers with delight. We had delicious mix of different food and love served along with. While we were waiting for the change of the big note I paid, one boy arrived with few postcards and pen and gave it to us. He further told us if we had had any tiffs or quarrels with any friend, loved ones in the past which ended in no- negotiation state, then those post-cards could help us. We had to write the address of the person whom we wanted to send the apology and write few words on the post-card, where anonymity of the sender was also given as a choice in case sender was not comfortable with revealing the identity but still wanted to say sorry. I truly liked the idea and immediately took one postcard and a pen, only to get stuck with ambiguity the next very moment. Though names of those few people flashed my mind, whom I thought I had treated with prejudice, but perhaps, I had not the guts then to be so honest to myself in the first place and then to them, or rather, my conscience again questioned me if I was actually ever immoral in those matters. That squabble of my empathy and intellect ended up with pen and the empty post card being put back on the table.
Even today, I often think on the same grounds and feel like mending the broken hubs, if not by anything else affordably from this life, but at least with an unadulterated wholehearted SORRY!