(75) FIRST TIME EXPERIENCES...!!

First hand experience of anything good or bad is mostly unforgettable.
It has been killing hot this summer in almost every corner of the country. And same of the north is nothing less known for its nuisance. For me it was the first time exposure to such an extreme live through. Last few days had been unbearable even with the aid of AC and coolers. Water dashed in people’s sweat, hurried through labor’s tears, rushed in children’s cry, melted from freezed bottles, dropped from soar of my burnt hand, but did not fall from the sky. Every day people prayed to the gods of rain to be kind and to the lord of sun to be less merciless. But nothing really changed except for the fake rains it showed last evening and a hope giving shower this morning. Though they were the breather in the gallows, but the after effect left us all with more suffocating climate.

Dheeraj had to leave for Udaipur this evening and hence he asked me to drop him to the station. My mother in law and my daughter accompanied us. It did not take long for us to reach the station. Dheeraj had already warned me that it might take me long while returning due to the peak hour and the nesting traffic jam midway which occurs due to the ongoing flyover construction. As soon as we dropped him and took a U-turn to start for home, it turned stormy all around. Winds blew crazily throwing dust and dirt in the way. As I have not driven much in this new place, I got a jerk seeing the dusty cloud in front of the car and thought “will I reach home safely?”. But then, this was the test of my driving skills and opportunity for my adventure desire. With windows glasses up and AC on, I drove at the balanced speed keeping pace with the adjacent vehicles and chatting with my mom-in-law. After around 8 kilometers of drive, we met the traffic jam..the huge one. And that was the real test, which I cleared very nicely(boasting about myself na..!!, I know.i know.)

Real fun began just after that. It started pouring in with medium fall and then rose to the higher and higher scale. Oh..!!.it was majestic.!! Just very tempting. I don’t know how people manage to drive while its alluringly raining outside. How can they just sit back and keep accelerating? For me, it was just like getting pulled between strings. On one hand, I had to reach home early –safely and on the other, I just wanted to jump down from the car and get drenched in the downpour. Till now, I always enjoyed traveling rains as a passenger and not the driver. So , this was my first ever experience of driving amidst drizzle while controlling my persuasion to get wet. Years back, I had the fun of playing with falling waters while riding my scooty. Though that experience was also not any less enthralling, but this one was completely different altogether. You know, its like choosing between your two best passions and giving up to the one which falls in priority. In fact same thing happens in other facets of life sometimes when you have to choose between two best people, two best friends, two best jobs, two close decisions, two dearest emotions….eetc.Oh..oh…am going on the other track.. For keeps, for keeps..!!

So..i was talking about the rains and the drive..it was real fun.Infact, I offered my mom-in-law in midway to take the steering and let me get down to get mad with the waters. She gave me a caustic look and asked me to concentrate on driving. Though I could not bathe in rains, but I decided not to give amiss to my other persuasion of eating pani-puri which was budding all the more in such proximities with bucket- down fall. I drove straight to the Pani-puri wala shop and waited there for almost 20 minutes because
they had encountered good amount of destruction due to winds and hence were resetting things in place. Thankfully, ..the wait paid off and we savored the pani-puri, alloo tikki and moved out with mango dry-fruit shake which was real yummy.Came home and I went straight to the balcony .Thanks to the rains, it made me feel good about, at least the physical beauty of that city, which I utterly don’t like. Long wet roads, wet cars, bright lights, muddy smell…and everything so soothing around…it appeared very beautiful. Such milieu can make even the stone-hearted person feel romantic, feel nostalgic, and can give a craving to be with the loved-ones..

I hope this spell of water doesn’t stop like yesterday. It should now keep falling and spreading the drops of relief, happiness and love all around.

(74) NEW PLACE

Quite a long break, isn’t it! Yeah, I know. To be honest, time passed by like a skit on my plans after leaving Hyderabad. Not all so unfulfilling, but less things came as desired, leaving aside few beautiful events.
Not later than I had disclosed the news of leaving Hyderabad and shifting to Noida, calls started pouring in with more of concerning tone about our movement(to noida) rather than congratulating us for the new development(dheeraj’s carrier growth).Every caller raised the trepidation involving the weather, social life in north, and most importantly our security. And this was more prominent because of all the media reports which were telecasted in the recent past about different crime stories which took place in Noida, Delhi and surrounding areas.People’s worry added as a strong supporting to my hundreds of excuses for not shifting to Noida. Reason unknown or rather curtailed, I basically never liked north part of India for living. And no one knows better than me how difficult it has been for me to set myself and my house over here.
After shedding buckets of tears in vain, at last I had to move in here and so I did.Initial 20 days we were put up in a hotel during which we searched for the accommodation to shift in. Every visit to a new place brought me across varying views by the residents, nearby vendors, realty agents about the security concern. Some advised it was bad to stay in Delhi, some said not good to stay in Indirapuram and many said it was worse to live in Noida. We had a tough time to decide and finalise the house.During all these days, I picked up every possible bad news from the newspaper and highlighted it to Dheeraj trying to make him realize that he has done a mistake by choosing the career option here. But this exercise would have hardly helped me because ultimately I had to live back here.
After shifting our households, I went to Udaipur for 10 days while Dheeraj was in London.Came back, settled the things and then I went to Gujarat for almost a month and have come back last week. Moving around like this was perhaps the act of hiding myself from the reality that has actually fallen upon me and that is that I have to live here.
I have been thinking over it all this time, is it really such a bad place to live because the evidences says so And/Or it has been hyped to me by my self hatred plus spreaded fear about the crime by the people.
If I go by the number then, during last three months, I have come across the news of not less than 10 rape cases,3 murder cases and around 15 theft cases in and around this place, though I stay in so called Posh and safe locality wherein NH is just 5 minutes from my building, infact visible from my balcony, to the adjacent is a big shopping mall and in the complex itself the security system is of high tightened up level. People are of the opinion that whatever level of personal security you beef up for yourself, be assured about your insecurity if you fall in jurisdiction of Uttar Pradesh and Delhi police or for that matter police in entire North. But isn’t it what they say for the Police all over India, leaving of course some officials for exceptions? God..am so so confused and baffled with all such talks that I have stopped reminding myself that am living in this part of the country. I don’t know, how much is the truth and what level is of fib, because there are lakhs of people who are already living here since ages and that too happily. Friend of mine says that fear is in my mind and not in the society, so trusting those words, and on the note of hopes, I herewith start the new chapter of my being and look forward to have a safe and happy living in the place of my bad-choice list. Will catch u soon..

(73) GOOD BYE HYDERABAD...!!

Hey friends, do you remember I told u during feb about my intuition regarding our movement..there it comes..we are leaving Hyderabad.Last day,last night...away from this place next morning flight. I have lived some beautiful moments in this city.Mixed feeling about going away, but have no choice.Career shifts your life in bags, often with the thankful help of packers and movers.Dheeraj moved out last week and my household got packed and moved yesterday.Am wandering in the empty house in midst of hundreds of memories i built through experiences during my three years stay in Hyderabad.Frankly speaking, am completely blank right now.My heart is sushed with indifferent emotions and my mind is lacking off words ..I think i should better say bye now and get back to you all later with settled emotions.But to conclude, I can only say I will miss Hyderabad, infact we all will miss it a lot.Even Dheeraj was very disillusioned during his last week here, but life has to move on and so do we have to..Will catch u all soon.BYE

(72) मन बावरा

मन बावरा , चाहे उन्हें
सूरज समान, जो दूर हैं !
दिल क्या करे, सूझे राह नही,
ख़ुद ही के हाथो मजबूर हैं !
चाहे उन्हें, जो अपने ही मैं
खोये रहने मैं मशहूर हैं !
उन्हें इल्म नही, इस वजह से वोह
पेश आते कितने मगरूर हैं !
याद उनकी जो, आती है यू

चुब्ते ख़याल नासूर हैं !

पलकों से न आंसू छलक जाए

इन आँखों का वोह नूर हैं !

शायद वोह मिल जाए, सब्र करलें

आखरी साँस आनी, तो अभी दूर हैं !

मर के अगर मिल जाए वोह

तो मरना भी मंज़ूर है !

(71) WOMAN'S DAY

8th March 2009

Facebook site, in my profile, I received a message to participate in a an activity organized for celebrating the woman’s day. The task was to click a snap and upload it with a para long description and thought represented via the photo till the 7th of march evening. I am glad I could do it well in time, I will share the same with you guys at the end of this write.

Ok, So I had no specific plans to celebrate this great day owing to my exams and simultaneous preparations being done in anticipation of 10 guests coming home in few days.

We left home early this morning to visit Ramoji film city, a spectacular place worth visiting in Hyderabad. On my way, I typed a message and sent it to almost everyone flashing their names on my mobile screen. I was planning to write a lengthy poem and forward, but lastly I cut short it to this- “She gave you life, She taught you love. In your blues, she secured with hug. Respect woman, make her happy. Women-be proud of being one. Men-make them feel proud. Celebrate womans day-Mita”. I received beautiful reactions throughout the day in respond, with the latest buzzing in at 12 midnight, all gave a joyous pleasure. But the two best which truly delighted me were ( I want to share them with you all) these, (1) from my friend who along with wishing me back, thanked me for sending the same message to her husband as well because that made him call her(probably they were no together today) and showered love which was so truly felt in her words she sent to me. And (2) from one of my best friends and well wisher, which I would copy-paste here as “Had the privilege of being associated with the most remarkable of my life. Lucky to convey her. Wish you mam, happy womans day”. What a beauty words give to the emotions! Hai na!!Thank you both of you…so much.

Coming back to Ramoji Film city, it’s a splendid display of impossible vision brought to reality with hard work extended across 2000 acres of land. Women were welcomed by the staff with smile and a small gift, celebrating Woman’s day. They had arranged special games and dances for women. I participated in one, I enjoyed. We tired out ourselves to the exhaustion by trying to reach every corner of that place, but we could hardly do it. After lunch, we visited two more zones mentioned on the tour guide pamphlet and decided to leave from there. A good blend of experiences ranging from grand welcome, site and set visiting, games, rides, lavish lunch, timely hoping up and down the inside tour vehicle, the stretched walking, to a small tiff with Dheeraj.

We left for home and throughout the drive back, I was trying to keep myself obsessed with the thought that Dheeraj behaved rude with me, especially on the Woman’s day and so I am supposed to look upset. Back home, no sooner did I entered the house, I marched to the bed room and laid down myself straight on the bed to get lost to the unconscious state with closed eyes. I don’t recollect for how long I was lying like that because the spell of the tiredness had fainted me almost. My mother in law called my name, woke me up and asked me to dip my legs in the hot water tub lying by the bedside. I saw her adding some salt into it when I was trying to collect myself in the sitting position. I immersed my legs in the tub and watched my husband sitting in the living room watching TV. I knew it was him who had arranged for that relief therapy for me because I had told him about the pain I had in my feet last night, and also about the one I would have had after this visit today and so he had suggested me this technique during the conversation. His act of silent kindness melted my rock soaring anger and I calmed down.

What a woman really needs ?. Some consideration, little pamper, faith in her, support for her acts, accolades for her achievements, rarely a thank you… but over and above, with or without these, what she needs the most… is… lots of love, unreserved love!! Love her, and she is all yours. She pampers you being a mother, she encourages you being a sister, she supports you being a friend, and she lives your life with her breath forgetting her own life, by being your true partner, your soul mate.

My fatigue slided down after the hot-water treatment and then I decided to treat myself with some cold coffee. But the dilemma was, how to send myself to the coffee house because Dheeraj was watching the film-fare awards and I didn’t wanted to take risk by driving in the dark as I never drove after the sunset, anytime before and anyways the clock was showing time much beyond 9.. I thought of walking down the lane which lengthens to around a kilometer and reaches to the coffee shop, but I dropped the idea so that I had not to take the hot water treatment again. Hence, I gathered some strength from my strong desire to have a coffee, and finally drove down the street, savored one plate of delicious Pani-Puri, got packed one for Dheeraj(all others had gone to sleep) and then headed straight to the Café Coffee Day segment in the Lifestyle Building nearby. I ordered one Take-Away Café Frappe with chocolate sauce and ice-cream, spoke to my friend while walking down to the parking and relishing the cold sips at small intervals, and drove back home to enjoy the left-over coffee along with the Film-fare awards being telecasted on the TV and watched by Dheeraj so intensely.

I had fun today, learnt more patience and gathered so many wishes and message to enjoy life in all sense and most importantly by staying proud for being a WOMAN- the epitome of strength, replica of forgiveness and the essence of love.

I wish, women all over the world get their share of happiness.
And now here comes that poem alongwith the relevant snap which i uploaded on facebook and promised to share with you...
Lying in her womb, I heard mom saying
“I do not want a girl, it’s not the safe world”.
She brought me to this earth, and loves me more than life
However, her action still displays, some fear so rife
I am a tiny girl, will bud some day in a woman
My mom, is so scared, to face those awful omen
Is the world truly so bad, are the men utterly mean?
Will I not live unfettered, as women earlier had been?
If it’s so, I close my eyes and wait till that dawn
When feminism can stem itself and get certainly fawn
When mothers don’t hesitate to bore the baby girls
When girls can thus securely, grow to womanly curls
When women can subsist without, fear of rape-abuse
Opening my eyes to such world, firmly, I will choose.....

(70) मानवी रे !!

मानवी रे, जोवे छे शु, तू तकी तकी ने आभ मा
नही करी आपे ऐ साचु, जे जोयु छे ते खाब मा
त्नन्ख्ला वीणी वीणी ने, ना कर उभा महल एवा
पवन ना हळवा झोका साथे, ढ्ळी पड़े जे खाख माँ

साच्वी ने धर तू पग़ला ,हळवे हळवे धरती पर
ना वळग तू लहरों ने, समंदर नि भरती पर
मान्वु होए तो मानी ले, प्रेम ना रसता ठीक नथी
सर्वश्व डूबी जाशे तारु, दिल नि एक उभरती पर

(69) UNDERSTANDING....LOVE

Gratitude is not to be deserved or given,
It is to be bestowed in love, by each other;
Seldom, the doer of the kind act, say so...
Kindness is though, my possession rather.

Never a heart without the faith within,
and the trust for the cause itself;
Can reach beyond the material being,
and let oneself, for that cause, get delve.

Settling the scores and counting the favors,
Talking words harsh, darker than grave;
Poor thou being, mistreating self and others,
God guide those soul, God do them save.

Superior is the essence of love and its ways,
Can never be measured in petite obligations;
Perhaps, this mystery, brains can never solve,
Demands no less than, soul to soul amalgamation....

(68) HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY..

Friend- a word used so unanimously for every other association one can have with the other, but cannot name it. Word misused across the world for getting the emotional fools hooked with. I wonder sometimes if I had really understood this word and its clout so far, though I am often tagged with the acronym of having “Friend’s army”.

Fourteen years back, this date, I befriended the beautiful girl of my life and what a beauty to have her as a friend, my best friend sharing the same name as I do, Mita. Her arrival was the replay of the influx of my childhood friend Nandini. Both of them taught me few exemplary lessons of my life in their unique ways.

This morning, when I called Mita to wish on our fifteenth friendship anniversary, I realized this journey had been really long. We became friends on the last day of the three day school tour we traveled to Rajasthan. But before I tell you, how we became friends, I must surely share the incident which occurred that night in the bus and which is as much alive in my memory as the juncture of our becoming friends. The bus was on the way back to ahmedabad, and a small group of students was playing “truth or dare”. My turn , I chose dare and what a dare they barbed on me. I had to slap the boy who was fast asleep in the last row of the bus.

My heart skipped the beat to see that very boy who had, though very unintentionally, got into verbal squabble with me in the so called poetry competition which had held in the presence of almost 100 people, a previous night in the corridor of the inn, we had been put up with at Udaipur. We both had behaved, as the old rivals of ages and that was the time when I had realized all the more, my potential as a poet. The session that night had ended with lots of applause ( for me of course) from all the teachers ,students and friends. I was on cloud nine to have almost defeated the contenders by uttering loud the last shot of my poem at the door of the enemy’s room and having run back to ours without listening to their retort. Oh…!!! what a kiddo I was!! Till late night, we had enjoyed the glory of victory.

So..I had to slap him and that too while he was having forty winks-sound asleep. Alright then, as I am and never to give up, I touched him lightly on his shoulder and uttered his name to wake him up,raised my hand and hit him hard on his right cheek. In no time, the mischievous sprite roared up, held my hand tight, gave a devilish look and then, to everyone’s surprise, left it down again to get lost in the sleep. Thanks to the lord of Sleep who pulled him again in the arms of dreams. What a relief I felt, not to have got into one more quarrel with the same guy again and this time with all fault of mine, of course, I had hit him just to prove my guts. (Hey friend…if you are reading this, I am really sorry, the slap was never meant to equal the scores).

Time took its speed and so the bus, voice decibels reduced and so the enthusiasm around. Few were happy to be back home and few were sad about the end of the beautiful journey. I took a back seat and kept gazing the silent night moving parallel to the bus. Then came this sweet girl and sat beside me. She took me by surprise for her flair of getting me moved by her innocence. We talked and talked and ….it never ended.

Our friendship blossomed with every season, and was tested at every turn. We have enjoyed the best of time and have savored the salts of tears. But the beauty of life is this, that we are still together. Though we don’t meet so often, we don’t talk regularly, but we know we are there for each other, whenever we need. Communication hardly matters any more, right Mita? Even today, few of our friends addresses us with the same ellipsis they used years back.-.Mita square, M square. ..we simply loved it.

Today, I have lots of friends whom I can rely upon and I am glad they are there to share my happiness, my sorrows , to boost my morale, to support me when I am low and to guide me when I am lost. I just want to thank them all for being with me….!!

(67) GRATIFYING DISMAY

Sometimes pain gives relief,
Non accomplishment fills the dearth.
Not being able to achieve what lies in hand’s reach;
gives more recompense than getting abundance.

Sometimes pleasure lies in coveting,
No see of the best vision contents the eyes.
Not being able to enfold, the one at arm’s stretch;
gives more fulfillment than being secured.

Sometimes memories are better,
Absence of the yearned one, appeases more.
Not being able to adore the verve of life;
gives more satisfaction than being loved.

(66) INTUITION

Call it a boon or curse, but I have been consecrated with a unique gift of insight by nature. I can trace it to my very young age when I was in class 4 and my father had gone to Mumbai for business. Mobiles were not yet the part of communication, and mom had not my father’s contact details in Mumbai. I believe, in those days it was very usual not to worry or get in touch with members gone out for work for long days. I had a bad dream about my father one night, and a strong intuition the following day about the happenings of the dream. I was sad for the whole day and kept crying alone. My mom observed and asked me what happened? I related everything to her. She just laughed it off and told me that bad dreams never turn to be true. I believed for that time. Few days later, on return from his trip, my father told about the similar accident which occurred with him in Mumbai.
After years now, I can count innumerable such incidents which I either dreamt about or had presentiment about, turning to be true. This experience had not been very pleasant always, because besides predicting about fairly good events and jolly small moments, it also made me declare about death of four people until now, which rather became factual.
I realized this all the more during my college days, when just for the sake of fun I used to speak aloud the silly things about anyone or anything which crossed my mind, and to the astonishment of people around and myself, most of them saw reality. Since then, I took utter care to say any such thing because often it used to be serious beyond fun.
I tried many times to analyze my thoughts and related happenings but could not really find any strong psychological base to it since it never comes into any fix pattern or so. It just clicks my mind, my thoughts, my dreams and I simply get a feeling for particular thought to be true. For instance, 3 years back in Banglore, I suddenly told my husband one day that now we will not be living in Banglore for long, and within few days of that, we shifted to Hyderabad. I kept coming across same kind of feeling last month and one morning when we were discussing, I told Dheeraj that its time for us to pack the bags. Now lets see if this intuition of mine too comes out to be true, because first thing, sometimes I go wrong on judging my instincts and get misguided by my rationale to select the thought which carries more probabilities to be true and secondly, I have started falling in love with Hyderabad. So let’s wait and watch for 2-3 more months. I will keep you updated about this. And also, will tell you in detail about the major incidents of my life and people around which matched to the inkling and premonition my sixth sense had served me with beforehand.

(65) GIVING PAIN..

Giving pain is never pleasant,
But to an extent it pacifies the ego.
It stows the drought caused by the pain,
Given by those, whom you love the most.

(64) CAPTURED..

Semi closed semi open eyes,
Posed with a peripheral face.
Gazing the soil,
While seated on the rock
Smiling to own self,
At the prompt of the thought-
Of being incarcerated,
in the eyes of the sight beholder.
Technically though for that moment,
Yet, spiritually for ever and ever..!!

(63) WORDS

Proverb says, “Action speaks louder than words” but sometimes it’s the other way round. On one hand, words can create the world full of those realities which though doesn’t exist whereas on the other hand they can ruin the whole empire within seconds. Expression is the common way of communication for most of the living beings, and for human it serves as a blessing to be able to converse in hundreds of languages comprising of crores of words making it the easiest job to talk the heart out. But we, it seems, have exploited this boon to the maximum zenith by using it for every possible bad reason. We use it as a tool to aim at those poor beings who doesn’t need any sharp weapon to be defeated, but rather could be killed with humiliation created by improper usage of words. This reminds me of the read I came across sometime back while going through one of my favorite blogs. Author had compared animals and human in context of later being able to talk and still linger unhappy whereas former being devoid of same art but yet being content. So intelligent thought it was, wasn’t it? At least I felt so. THINK…!! What if even human beings were devoid of being able to talk linguistically to communicate? Would they be still the same? Nope, I don’t think so. What do u say??

(62) IT HAPPENED SO..

Seemingly endless, silently flowing narrow deep brook covered with profusely thick, wildly bending trees on either sides.Waters as deep as any silent mind could be. An antique rock firmly situated on one side of the bank appearing as an apt seat. Sun forwarding towards setting zone making it blackish orange on all sides.A bamboo woven round casket-like boat floating along with the slow waters trying to match the laziest speed of the nature around. A girl in her mid twenties seated in the boat, not knowing the purpose of her presence amidst the mystifying milieu, wandering through the nature whilst struggling with her thoughts. A man though possessing every virtue of being most aspired, with his persona strutting natural gentility, seated apparently rather distinct and perturbed on the only rock in the vicinity. His despondent eyes tucked into the waters with gloomy face rested on the folded hand lying on the crested knee. Slow movement of the boat assisted the girl with ample time to see, observe the heartrending pose of the somber man, to feel the pain budging inside the sculptor alike seated being, to sense the possible trouble distressing the placid soul in her sight and to consider herself the most ill-omened creature for not been able to either discern the precise cause of the commotion niggling the man or rather help that man to feel serene. Boat moved ahead with the girl and her thoughts more traumatized (than that man could be!!), for moving ahead leaving that man behind to struggle, the only man she always thought of endowing with abundant happiness and every little good thing of her own life.

(61) GOD TUSSI GREAT HO..

Life gives you the most unexpected bolts from the blue!!…At times, its disclosures astonishes you with utterly unmanageable happiness..whereas, often it takes the wind out of you, rendering you with the bombshells of woe and melancholy.

When you have the slightest probability and utmost aspiration of acquiring something, it gives you the same with a shock or surprise. Ironically, by then you are EITHER not left with any more fortitude to savor it OR you run short of time in life to get pleasure from the same. Why does God plan things in such a weird plot? Doesn’t he understand, few things are better given when they are most required? Why does he play such brainless, injudicious games of obliging but not obliging? But what can be done about his graphs and strategies? God is God!! Right??

(60) DATE...TO REMEMBER..

Any given date is a story in itself.

I am addicted to remembering dates for their impact they leave on me and on life of my loved ones. I cherished this obsession of mine by even jotting them down in one diary. Few years back, I discontinued maintaining the record in writing owing to the agony few of the dates brought to my mind while reviewing the notations. Nevertheless, my mind hardly ceases to register the important events in its subconscious database and it also keeps flashing those memos to me very timely giving me the opportunity to relive those moments. As they say, good and bad things comes in a package, sad part of following this habit is also nothing less than getting beleaguered. The way few dates brings beautiful flickers of the days bygone, similarly retracting few of them leaves the soul besieged with the struggle of balancing life amidst the current liabilities and the loss encountered. However, I still feel I am blessed to have been bestowed upon with the quality of memorizing the dates and the relevant occurrences because this is something which not only facilitates me with prospects to revive those moments close to the heart but also allocates me to strengthen my emotional quotient by appreciating those impressions, sentiments of trouncing and triumph, I came across in the former times.
Call it a day of blessings and boon
Or name it the dark night of no moon
Confused I am what should I call it
From glee to sorrow, it turned very soon

Godsend gift was placed on the palm
Thrust of joy, just did not accept calm
Only when puzzlement made me utter weird
My heart was then put to an alarm

But by then, loss had already been done
All of my plea then, had to face a shun
Am paying the price of behaving hastened
Lamenting on this self made “life-a-pun”........Alas..!!!

(59) WHY???

Charvi started going to her play group school since 15th Dec’08.Either of the parent was supposed to be with the child for first 3-4 days and hence I accompanied her for that. She attended four days of school and then got Christmas vacation of 18 days. She enjoyed initial period as she was surrounded with a secured feeling of her mother being around and hence she fancied the idea of going to school as it was fun to play whole day in a new place but with a familiar sanctuary.

After a long break, she was supposed to join back on the day before yesterday, but as she was not keeping quite well, I dropped the idea of sending her to school. However, yesterday she insisted she wanted to go and hence I took her to her newly found play place. I dropped her inside the school campus and watched her being taken ahead by one of the teachers appointed there. Charvi was looking at me again and again by turning her neck behind to check if her mamma was still there. I waved my hand to her and assured her aloud that I will be waiting for her in the car parked outside and visible to her. I sat in the car and made a call to Dheeraj to tell him that I will be waiting outside the school owing to two reasons;1-Charvi had come to school after so many days and was made to go inside without me and 2- she had still not completely recovered from ill health.Before I could conclude my call, I heard Charvi’s loud cry from inside and before I could get down, lock the car and run to check what happened to her, I saw her running out of the mistakenly left unlocked gate and loping towards me followed by two of the teachers. Sooner than I could hold her in my arms, one of them pulled her up forcibly and took her back into the campus. I ran behind them watching Charvi crying still louder and stretching her arms towards me, pleading to be with me. Her face was wet with hysterical tears and her actions were heart tugging .I had not seen my child so helpless ever before. Whole scene left me unnerved and shaken up.I followed the teacher in and tried to calm down my daughter. After this I was allowed to sit with her through that day as well.
She cooled down and played happily for rest of the time. She painted on two different sheets while I was watching her, doing the same so confidently. When we had to leave, I was instructed by the principal that from next day onwards, I would have to drop Charvi in and leave the place immediately and come only during pick-up time. I agreed silently but my mind, my heart somehow couldn’t digest the instruction.

Thouhg I know and understand very well that some day Charvi has to learn to be on her own, but somehow I feel I am not yet ready to let her out without me even for a minute.
I spoke about this to my friend who advised me to be more stronger and help my daughter to take the new and very important step of her life.
She had a holiday today owing to Moharram.I kept wondering whole day what would I do tomorrow.Will I be able to take a turn back from the school after dropping her? Or should I not go only to drop her and make Dheeraj do the same? I don’t have the courage to see my child crying so vulnerably for her mother all over again.How can I not be there for her to hold me tight and feel secure the way she did yesterday? I am her mother and how can I see her feeling left alone and wailing for the protection? I don’t know what I will do tomorrow .Just hope things turn out well for her and so for me.


Going through all these, I realized how helpless we adults become when encountered with similar situations. We cannot cry loud and stretch arms to be held in, when we are made to go away from someone, something we love. We cannot express our grief openly like a child can do. We are not looked upon with empathy by anyone when left for such thrashings. We are treated like a pseudo and left alone to deal with our circumstances. We cry within ourselves and pretend to be stronger beings by behaving as normal as we can, whereas deep within the turbulence remains not the least different from the one which was going on in the heart of my little one. Why don’t even we have someone waiting outside the parking to run in and hold us up in arms when we cry aloud, when we feel left alone, when we feel departed from the one we love the most, when we feel deprived of the one we look upon for the mean of life? Why don’t we get someone to come to us and hug us tight to give us comfort and hope in living? WHY??!!

(58) असमंजस

लंबा सफर, काली रात

उस पर ज़ालीम , तेरी याद

चुभते है दिल के जस्बात

नही मगर कोई इसका ईलाज

गूंजे है मेरी साँसों मैं

झलके है मेरी आंखों मैं

बातें तेरी, तस्वीर तेरी

कब आओगी बाहों मैं

सोचु तुझसे बात करूँ

हाले-ऐ-दिल सब तुझसे कहू

लेकिन यह तकदीर मेरी

चाहकर भी कुछ कर ना सकूँ

यह सफर तोह कट जायेगा

लेकिन नया फिर कल आएगा

खो जाऊँगा याद मैं तेरी

युही जीवन ढल जायेगा

(57) ऐसा ही हु मैं !!

ग़म को सहता नही, सहलाता हूँ मैं

तभी शायद पत्थर दिल, कहलाता हूँ मैं !

देकर के ताने , खुश हो जाते हैं लोग

चुप रहकर के , दिल उनके बहलाता हूँ मैं !

मेरे बे -असर बर्ताव से , वोह नाराज़ होतें हें

ख़ुद ही कड़वा कहकर , ख़ुद ही रोते हेँ !

मैं मनाऊं ऐसे मौके, कम ही होतें हें

इल्जाम लग जाने के डर से, रह जाता हूँ मैं !

दर्द नही होता मुझको, जस्बातों से काम नहीं

और भी बढ़कर लगायें हें, येही बस इल्जाम नहीं !

शिकवा भी मैं कैसे करूँ, गैरों का ये काम नहीं

अपनो ने ऊँगली ऊठाई है, मोह मैं बेह जाता हूँ मैं !

(56) अफ़सोस

तुमसे नफरत करना चाहूँ
कैसे भी मैं कर ना पाऊं
कसूर तुम्हारे आख़िर क्या है ?
लेकिन ये ग़म सह ना पाऊं

तुम्हे शायद पता नहीं है
क्या कया मैंने सहा नही है
तुम ना मिले , ना प्यार मिला पर
तुमसे कभी कुछ कहा नही है

आख़िर क्यों है जीवन ऐसा
ताश के बिखरें पत्तो जैसा
तुमसे रिश्ता जुड़ ना पाया
फिर भी नाता तुमसे कैसा ?

यादों का बिखरा है साया
हर दिन नई उदासी लाया
रंजीश है दिल को बस इतनी
तुमसे दिल की कह ना पाया

(55) एक सच

कभी लगती है सागर जैसी,

कभी महज़ बूँद पानी की.

इन्ही के बीच खोयी है कही,

परिभाषा ज़िंदगानी की.

सोचो ना की उम्र भर रिश्तें,

ख़ुद साथ चले आयेंगे .

सुलझानी पड़ती है ख़ुद हर कड़ी,

इस पेचीदा कहानी की....

(54) CONTRITION..

Intently, I never did wrong to anyone so far in my life. However, at few occasions, though involuntarily I served some people with bitter experience and parted with them leaving atrocious memories. Those recollections of mind pesters me at times so much so that I get a strong feeling to rewind the period and come back only after correcting all erroneous actions performed in the past. Sadly…that’s not possible. Also, this is my personal feeling that what happened so wrong was actually wrong, but who knows, probably those were the best suited outcomes in respective situations. May be…I am mistaken now, to feel sad about those things. But who will judge me and the time bygone to decide thereby if it’s really worth for me to regret? Well…it’s a complex task and better be left in the palm of time to get resolved. Nevertheless, one thing which can certainly be done to pacify my mind and lost amities in this matter is Forgiveness. Yes, I think ,that at least is in my sentry, but again it depends on the other person if he/she is willing to forgive me for the very matter which never occurred out of my will and wish but unfortunately ended with sour effect.

Here, I recall one incident which could have helped me to take the first step towards such attempt. During my last year trip to Ahmedabad in January, I learnt about one dissimilar restaurant from my brother .It was following a beautiful method of serving humanity. Volunteers would give their name in advance for each day to provide service ranging from cooking, serving food, cleaning the place, and arranging for one or more variety of cuisine on their expense for a day. Restaurant served around 100 people every day in the evening on first come first serve basis. And the best part was, they did not compulsorily charged their customers for the food provided, only imparted the bill and then it was visitor’s free will to pay whatever he wants or rather pay nothing. I quite liked the theme but doubted about the hygiene and ambience of the place. But when I visited it myself, I was quite amazed to see the clean spread out with ethnic furniture and people of all ages serving customers with delight. We had delicious mix of different food and love served along with. While we were waiting for the change of the big note I paid, one boy arrived with few postcards and pen and gave it to us. He further told us if we had had any tiffs or quarrels with any friend, loved ones in the past which ended in no- negotiation state, then those post-cards could help us. We had to write the address of the person whom we wanted to send the apology and write few words on the post-card, where anonymity of the sender was also given as a choice in case sender was not comfortable with revealing the identity but still wanted to say sorry. I truly liked the idea and immediately took one postcard and a pen, only to get stuck with ambiguity the next very moment. Though names of those few people flashed my mind, whom I thought I had treated with prejudice, but perhaps, I had not the guts then to be so honest to myself in the first place and then to them, or rather, my conscience again questioned me if I was actually ever immoral in those matters. That squabble of my empathy and intellect ended up with pen and the empty post card being put back on the table.
Even today, I often think on the same grounds and feel like mending the broken hubs, if not by anything else affordably from this life, but at least with an unadulterated wholehearted SORRY!

(53) की जाना पड़ा

ना चली हवा
ना मिला पता
ढूंढे मकाँ
ना मीला नीशां

कदम बढे
चलते रहे
फिर भी रहा
रूका कारवां

कुछ था कहीं
जो राहों की डोर
थाम कर कहे
अभी न जा

मंजील मगर
देके सदा
पुकारे थी यूँ
की जाना पड़ा

(52) आबे ज़र

तेरे अबसार से बेह्तें, इस आबे ज़र को रोक

न कर आबरू बाखत , गिराकर ज़मीन पे

गिराना है तो बूँदें , मेरे होठों पे गिरा

मिल जाए दिल को ठँडक , बढ़कर नसी॰म से

अबसार-eyes

आबे ज़र -gold water

आबरू बाखत-insulted

नसी॰म-cool breeze

(51) LIFE IS AN ORDEAL.....PASS IT TO WIN IT.

Sustaining the marbles on the unguarded palm
While maintaining the feet on the railway tracks
Safeguarding oneself from confronting the train
And balancing all of above while moving ahead..............THAT'S LIFE!!

(50)FASTING...!! AND OTHER THINGS

This year marks the completion of ten years of so many good and bad things occurred in my life.Also, reminders of each and every thing came so timely and in unique ways, I am feeling glad that I still have with me the treasure of the heartfelt memories in my mind.

Almost ten years back, when I was schooling, my grandfather’s mother had come home from Delhi.I was a complete Tom-boy types then. Besides showing her disliking about my short hair,boy’s kind of attires and no earings, she also hated my less interest in traditions and religious customs.She asked my grandmother to make me observe fast during Navratris.Very unwillingly, I did so and fainted in the tution class the same afternoon, first day of the nine fasting days and did not continue it any further.I clearly remember, whenever I had observed fast unwillingly before and after that episode, I always had a problem to pull it till the day end, whereas otherwise I could stay fit for almost throughout the day without food many a times. May be ,it was very psychological. Any task which I didn’t take interest in or rather believe in, I could never perform it satisfactorily and same is the matter with me till date.

Next month,one more day of fasting arrived. This was Karva Chauth for which married female observes fast for their husbands.But my great grandmother wanted me to perform this as well because in their custom, unmarried girls too performed it to get a good husband.I did so but this time, matter was little different.I was excited to test the God if he really granted such lavish boons in lieu of hunger strike of just a single day.I haven’t yet forgotten my first keenly kept fast which gave me the experience of being left on the forbidden world without food and water for several hours. Late afternoon, my grandmother narrated the story depicting importance and cause of celebrating that day to me, both my aunts and few other ladies from the neighborhood. After that we were allowed to drink water, tea/coffee for once and then wait until moon appears in the sky. I took a glass of water and then joined my aunts in the coming of the moon.Very late, moon arrived in the sky. All ladies of the house went on the terrace with sweet, water and the rice grains which were held in the fist while listening to the story in the afternoon. I could see all the visible terraces shining with decked ladies celebrating the arrival of moon. Then came the most important part of the show. Offering prayer, sweets, water, rice grain to the moon and then taking blessings from the husband.
My aunts did respectively, but I got bemused in midst of the fantasized illusions and ongoing reality and did exactly what a teenage girl roving in the land of fantasies could have done. With complete faith in God, I prayed I may get the best even if it didn’t complied with the caprices. All of us then went down and had our dinner. My grandmother served food to all of us and she had it in the last as she usually did.
Though I liked the whole process, but one thing which I didn’t like was women touching husband’s feet for seeking blessing. Infact, I never liked that since I was child. I understand its all about custom, but why such custom, I mean who made them,God never sent such commandments to the earth?.And if someone say its written in our religious books, then I ask,who wrote them? We…someone from our ancestors, right?I remember very well, whenever I used to debate for such things,except for my parents, one or the other person from the widespread family would certainly give me back. They will try to convince me that women are there to take care of men and the family.whatever they study, they do, at the end of the day, they have to see the kitchen. I agree, but then she also should have the right to do things as per her choice.I mean, why she should be bound to be following her father,brother,husband, a man in particular, always. It should completely be her choice how she wants to greet someone, or how she wants to seek blessings or rather do it not.What relation she wants to continue dealing with and how she wants to do it?. Why women only? This was one question which always haunted me and it still does many a times.Though not for myself so much, but I certainly feel bad and helpless for crores of other women who blindly give in the long followed traditions and learn to live life forgetting themselves. Ohhh…I again became emotional and lost the track of what I was saying…but what to do? I really feel like starting a revolution for women all over the world.

Well… I was talking about the fasting thing .I observe fast every year for karva chauth anticipating good. But now I have the more agreeable reason to do so and that is love of my husband.

I am not questioning or doubting God about it, but I really don’t know how far is it true and affecting the lives of husbands as narrated by the story. They say, women observes this fast for long lives of their husbands. Since married and following this fast, I don’t remember if I had prayed for anything else than the well being and prosperous life of my husband. And I know I could perform it successfully all these years only because of my faith in it and I am sure I will be the same always.I do not readily do something which I don’t have faith in,, except for the times when my mind forces me to do so for other’s happiness and mutual harmony.And yes…my question Why Women only? ,have started becoming less active in my matters ,especially on Karva chauht every year because Dheeraj too observes the same fast for me. And also he doesn’t want me to touch his feet for blessing, if I do so , he does same back to me.He rather prefers to hug me and then dine with me in the same dish.Lovely!!..isnt it.I know…I immensely love it.
I always believed whatever happens, happens for good.And God never misses the opportunity to make me realize the same over and over again.I never knew Dheeraj until we met three months before our wedding, but I always knew that I would have a wonderful life partner and so do I. I assume, though done over years for the concreting of the castles in the sky, my prayers are paid back in the form of a gratifying reality.

Tomorrow, on yet another karva chauth instance, I would indubitably thank God for all magnificent consents he bestowed me with.

(49) ARROGANT SOUL

I am an arrogant man, they say
And accuses me of insensibility
What should I do or rather undo
To prove to them, my creditability


They say, I don’t care how others feel
And let go off the matter if not fruitful to me
I bother not the least, to see the other side
If my side of coin appears truthful to me

Am I really a person ,with soaring blatant ego?
Does my sense of concern, never comes to fore?
You tell me, what your experience with me says
Did it never find in me, a man with childish core?

(48) DESERVED WORTH

Anything, whatsoever, succeeds more chances of getting its deserved exposure and value,
Only if its creator himself, shows some interest in it in the first place.Otherwise, whatever amount of charm would have been added to that matter,It fails to convince the observer’s eye of the fact, that life in some form, exist in it too.

(47) एक शेर

ना तो तुम कहती ही हों

इसका तो मैं आदि हूँ !


मिजाज़ अच्छा है तुम्हारा,


फिरसे कोशिश कर देखूं !


शायद हसी हसी में ही,


गलती से तुम हाँ कहदो !


इसी भरम से आज दोबारा,


प्यार की आजमाइश कर देखूं !

(46) क्या कहू..!!

मुझसे मेरे अतीत का,यूँ न मांगो हिसाब तुम
तिनका तिनका हर पल मैंने , जिया है तुम्हारी यादों मैं
लम्हों के दोराहों पर, खड़ा रहा मैं बरसो तक
जुटा रहा मैं पुरा करने, तुमसे अनकहे वादों में

तुम शायद मुझे भूल गई थी, मुझसे जुदा होने के बाद
मेरा हर ख्वाब पनपा है, तुमसे मिलने के इरादों में
तुम खुश हो अपनी दुनिया में,खुश रहना मेरी दुआ है ये

पर न करना शामिल मुझे,अब से तुम आबादों में

(45) ROMANCE WITH MYSELF

Today is the last day of Navratri. And as usual, all nine days I missed Gujarat and its Garba so much.Dheeraj tried a lot during these days to arrange for me to attend atleast one day of Navratri but he couldn’t spare time out of his busy schedule.However, he told me this morning that he will buy the passes today and w’ll be going for the Garba tonite .I was so excited and also managed to convince two other friend-families to join us.All agreed and looked forward to meeting and heading for Dandiya Raas.But…..u know…I don’t get anything so easily.While it was the time to get ready and move out, it started raining very heavily.It turned dark all around and rains poured in like hell alongwith the sms’es from all of us to each other with an idea of dropping out the plan.Had I any choice but to agree with them? Sad!!!…..I looked out of the window and then moved out to the balcony to see the beauty spread by rain.My Lord….it was magnificent!! And it did not took me much time to get the mood changed.I rushed on to the top of the building on the wide-spread terrace. Last week, it had rained similar, but by the time I had reached on the terrace after convincing my friend to hang up the phone and good conversation, rains had reduced its intensity.

Well…I did not miss the opportunity today. Got drenched in the natural shower amidst the cool breeze and soothing fragrance of the wet soil spread in the air. It was a beautiful experience I had after a long gap of almost 3-4 years. Earlier, I never missed on yarning with the emancipating encounters with this gift of nature. I always loved rains and getting engulfed with it.I remember enjoying this kind of downpours with different people at different places. Sometimes it had been my aunt,my cousins and sometimes my friends, room mates, and colleagues as well. It used to be real fun.
But today, I was alone….bathing in the hard hitting waters while roaming on the stretched bay and viewing the outlook of the city from the height. Lights illuminating the silky roads and the full-brimmed Hussain-Sagar lake visible from end to end, city embracing the spell of rain with open arms and surroundings getting wild and intense in mood with effect of the deluge from the sky. All these arousing my sense of indulgence and feeling of getting guarded. Though I wished my darling busy husband should have been with me then, but yet I enjoyed the very different feel of romancing with my own self in the stirring rainfall mixed with the aroma of all sweet caprices and the intensifying flights of imaginations. No doubt, I believe such endowments of nature are better pleasured with someone around, somehow I felt it is truly worthwhile at times to let yourself get evolved within your own and enjoy the amalgamation of your soul with yourself.

(44)MY DAUGHTER AND MY HAIR

Except for 2-3years in primary school,1 year in college and then ever after, almost all through my life I preserved my bob-cut, sometimes blunt cut hair style.Compliments from friends, classmates, relatives, teachers and room mates kept me confident throughout to continue with the same. I happen to grow my hair till shoulder once during college days and received good compliments for that hairpick as well. Personally I was not very happy with it, owing to reasons like, my own liking, comfort, flaunt which came with it, and uniqueness as hardly any other girl around me had the same hairstyle except for my best friend in school and 2 others in college, who went for same by my influence. But still, I thought there’s no harm in giving it try, also because both my grandmas had started pointing me out to do so in order to get good alliance proposal. Howeverl…I wondered what good my hair would do for such proposal or any other thing for that matter.I continued growing my hair with regular intervals of trimming the length for almost 4-5 years.And then when I was again thinking on terms of getting back to my patent style, Dheeraj came in my life and he liked my hair the way they were. Though he supported me to go ahead with my plans, I decided to postpone it until after few months of marriage. We got married and busy with balancing our professional and personal lives. Sometimes, shampooing-drying and tying long hair really pissed me off those days and my wish to cut my hair became more stronger. Before I could act it upon, I got pregnant with many complications and advised bed-rest, and hence I again laid back my plan of course. According to me, all this while, except for making me look beautiful occasionally, my hair did not really appear any worth to me until my angel was born to me .Ya..my Charvi daurling. Since she was 3 months old, she started pulling my hair and loved playing with it. She would never take feed or sleep without holding them. She has turned two last month, but still she doesn’t go to sleep without putting her hands through my hair, weaving her fingers on my scalp and sometimes rubbing the bunch in middle of both of her hand’s clasp and then putting her hands around my neck. She dislikes my tied hair and whenever she notices me with a clip or band, she will immediately instruct me to let my hair down. Many a times, when am sitting idle, she would come to me and ask me if she can play with my hair. Sounds funny na… I know...but that extreme she loves my hair. She has now started demanding for the same as she demands for a toy. Even during sleeps, if she realizes that I got loose out of her hold, she would shout in her dozed voice, “Mamma, aapke hair dedo”(Mamma, give me your hair)
Since she has come to our life, I never got the idea of acquiring my original hair style.No doubt, I got them trimmed 3-4 times but never thought of making them short.Most touching part about all this was the incident which occurred when I went to London in this month beginning. I missed her little fingers and clumsy hold in my hair every night there, and here she stubbornly insisted to my mother-in-law to get her mamma’s hair for her. My mom-in-law had a tough time to convince Charvi to go to sleep holding her hair. Oh my little darling!! I felt so moved to hear that. Need and value of my grown up hair which I understood during these two years got revised and all the more precious with this event.
This morning, though she was awake,she became adamant not to let me out of the bed as she was playing with my hair while rhyming her songs and enjoying the mood. Idea of writing about it clicked my mind at the same time.But what a coincidence! My sister phoned me this afternoon and told me that it’s a Daughter’s Day today and I should do something for Charvi, take her out, make her enjoy, click her snaps and may be write something about her.Though there are so many other beautiful things to be written about her, I chose to write about the hair episode, it being more close to my heart and clicking to me since morning.

(43)HUMAN NATURE

Human being, they say is the best creation of God .Equipped with the best of brains, undefeated communication skills and of course the ruling power. But, how far has this so called superior creature of nature has done justice to his own self , his co-existences and to HIS creator? Undoubtedly, this endless debatable question halts with either of these outcomes-(1)speckled answers OR (2) clueless opinions leading to more apprehensions, and both depending on the view-point of the people carrying it forward.
I often come across the same question put up by my conscience, but hardly I succeed to pass through it with any satisfactory answer. Reason…whenever I try to analyze the same, I get tangled into many, many more interwoven queries which needs to be resolved first hand to take any step further towards unweaving the former .And amongst those many…one which I always get stucked with, very badly is… HUMAN NATURE..Yes…Human Nature…Again, this is a topic covering a wide range of speculations possibly claiming the highest variation of thought pattern and equally mottled suggested-accepted theories. However, though certainly not claiming to have come to the universal conclusion describing human nature, I can at least, depict the ideas I perceive about the same or rather I learnt over the short span of life I have lived through
Amalgamation of good and bad is one widely seen characteristic in almost each and every creation of the Almighty. And hence is the matter with us, human beings. God resides in all of us and all of us surely exhibit, if not always than at least once in a lifetime, an act of good deed in one or the other way. Hence, accepting it as a proved factor, I am not writing anything in detail about the same. Rather, my emphasis today is on the sad side of the subject in discuss.
I believe, we are the most selfish of every living being. We live according to our own convenience. Leave afar the act of nurturing our other co-existences in nature, we don’t leave any single chance to exterminate fellow human beings for our self benefits.
We strive for something throughout our lives and by endeavors, but when same is achieved, we don’t value it. We either regret about our past or worry about the future and thus waste the precious part of life which is present. This cycle continues, the present moment becomes past soon and again we indulge into the new present moment to lament about the waste we did with the recent past moment, and this never ends until we ourselves see our end. We keep seeking for happiness in all external things, but forget to search in its sources, within ourselves, by our deeds.
We always take immense pride in pointing out others flaws but seldom we take out time to look into ourselves. We always complain but never appreciate. Neither the act of our fellow human beings nor the opportunities life serves us at every possible turn. We don’t bother how our deeds affect others or how hurt other’s feelings can be left owing to our self centric living pattern. Only thing we prefer to do by best is the analysis. Yes, analyzing every action, occurrence, words, situations and does all this purely on the basis of our personal pre-assumptions, experiences, set of rules and expected outcomes. We hardly give a chance to the life to explain its purpose itself. We try and convert every simple thing into most complex form because that’s how we prove our intelligence. We don’t want to understand simple things in life, we don’t want to lead life in simple ways. If we do so, we will never get a feel to judge others. When someone apologizes, we think because he was wrong and I was right, he did so, but we fail to see the higher meaning of that apology which says that because that person loves and values you, your relationship more than his ego, he apologized.
We get obsessed by our own negatives and thus find it in every aspect. We don’t believe in dreams because few didn’t see reality, we hate everyone because few were not good to us, we don’t trust God because he didn’t grant some of our prayers, we loose faith in friends because one of them ditched, we don’t want to be happy because many attempts to do so didn’t succeed, we don’t believe in love because someone we loved didn’t love us, because we didn’t win that one’s love, because someone betrayed, we leave back aim in life because some steps towards it tested us harshly , we underestimate ourselves comparing with others because certain things we were unable to do…..and many more pessimistic reactions we give to life when it comes to test us because that's how we are comfortable, we are convenient, that’s how we can run away from the responsibility of answering very rarely raised integral questions to us by life itself. Why don’t we hold strong?why don’t we live it all to give it all? why don’t we treasure what we have within, our talents?,why don’t we value the immensely precious gift gifted to us in form of life as human beings, the supreme beings?Why? Why? And many more Why?s.
Life can really be more easy, more fun, more exciting, and more fulfilling, if we try and change our attitude.We should try to be honest to ourselves first and then it will surely lead us to be same with others and in every deal of life. We should learn to be more tolerant , helpful, acceptable and our actions should be less negative, less derision, less nitpicking. And then see, how life appears to you.
Life is like a mirror, what one will show, it will reflect. If we feel positive, feel happy, help others, respect others, we will end up gathering all of these in abundant from every folds of life.

(42) SMS

I was hurrying to go to the bank and received one SMS.I quickly read it once and then again read it slowly and then my entire acceleration to move out of the house decreased.I sat down on the bed and read it once again.I thought what happened to this guy, he always forwards either funny messages or some info seeking one, as though, being equally emtional person like me, he still displays a very mature attitude and hardly gives into the ground- silly jokes or sky-senti stuff.But today, this senti-emotinal message from him, he is surely in some different mood.The message was:- "Think about this... U r sittin on d stairs with me at 3 in d midnight on d terrace of ur house....suddenly ur phone rings n u go 2 attend d phone promisin me 2 cm bak but d person on d phone is from my family givin u d creepy news tat i died last night....will u cm back 2 me??...reply with reason..i m waitin" First i thought it is some kind of tricky puzzling question in which answer is something completely out of the question feild and hence i patiently read it again and tried to find some gramatical plot.And though not so sure,i still replied him showing a doubt about the sentence construction and thereby probable hidden twist.My first reply was:-"How can v b at both places at the same time-Stairs and d terrace?....Pat came his response with a clarification which was:-"Sat on the stairs that goes to the terrace"....Alright i thought, and then lost in thoughts for a moment.Take for a second..if this has to be a true situation what i would have really done?And the immediate instinctive answer was-Certainly!! i will go bak!...but then he had asked for a reason as well...Hmm..i again thot, why did my heart said an immediate Yes...Why??Simple..because I love him...oh yes..definetly...its because i love him and he loves me too.So then i send my reply which was:-"In dat case,i'll come bk.Reasons-(1) I love u and i promised i will b bck. and (2) U love me too b'cos even aftr death u came 2 me, did not go to any1 else,hence u need me d most.".....after a pause of a minute..his reply was this"hmmm....Thanks"..well this reply though soundless on my mobile screen, still mirrored the emotions which wud have been reflecting on his face when he wud hv read my answer and thot of this simple but apt response.I could feel his true sense of being owned and protected in those simple words"hmm...Thanks"... I felt he was in a very sensitive mood then and hence i thought of making it light , not by calling him- becasue that wud have perhaps made him speechless then, but by rather replying one more,but funnier sms.And that was:-"Mst wlcm,on d staircase and in d house as wl".

My daurling brother(the elder amongst two)...he has always been so...a kid with a manly exterior..since he was in 9th class, he started helping my father in his business by renedering best possible aid.He always keeps his best calm and really surprises me with so simplified solutions to the most complex confusions...He is known as the god's man in our entire family.And truly he is the one......

GOD BLESS HIM ............Always!!!!!!!

(41) WEIRED FEELING

Something is really bothering
Don’t know what
Very rare, I come across
this kind of blankness
But it is really pestering,
and creating aggravation

Some kind of anxiety
Don’t know what
Or rather invidious feel
making me more covetous
of probably, the unknown
cause and purpose

Sense of being isolated
and somewhat judged-against
is making the flow in mind
I think, a person actually gets more
bothered by his own actions
and hence relative consequences

(40).SIXTH AND SEVENTH DAY

We took an early morning flight to Frankfurt and then the connecting flight to hyderabad.It was beautiful to see earth from such a height.Reached home late midnight,saw Charvi fast asleep,woke her up and hugged her tight.We were awake till almost early morning and then went for a good night sleep.

I must admit,it feels like heaven to be back home,back to the country,back amongst our people.

(39) FIFTH DAY

We left hotel around 11.am after having breakfast.Took a tube to Baker street for Madamme Tussauds.It was a good to see the wax modells of so many celebrities of the world at onc place.We clicked photos with many of them including my favourite Shah-Rukh khan.Amongst other I got clicked with Gandhiji,Indira Gandhi,Hitler(while getting clicked with him, i got a flash of memory crossed my mind about many of my people comapring me to Hitler to tease me,when i get very adamant and dominating),Tom cruise and many more.It was fun.Besides wax modell display,there was a small train tour-display into London's History,A scary house with live ghosts,game zone and a celebrity light show.It was overall fun.

We moved out,had our lunch and then headed to Holbon via Oxford circus to see the British museum.Oh..it is so large,expanded,well maintained museum.They have the historical pieces from all over the world.A must see-collection.

I was damn tired by then and hence decided to get back to the hotel.Had a nice coffee here and now planning to go for a long walk around.We are expecting our another friend-couple to visit us in the evening.

I had loads of fun all these days but i missed Charvi every minute.I am very excited to be back home soon and hug her tight.And i have decided,this had to be the last time(as in my decision perview) i left her home for so many days without me,no more going out without her as though she might have adjusted my absence, i simply cant live without her presence.I am missing her so much...okey..okey..not getting any emotinal further..i hang-up and catch u later.....................

5 hours later.........

hi...our friends came.......late evening..we had a good chat with them and their little daughter.talking that little princess made us more emotional and missed Charvi all the more.

However,now the wait will soon be over.Tomorrow we are leaving for India,i am so happy.Hoping a safe flight and landing,see u back in India.But hey...hold on,hold on..before i end, i would want to thanks on both our behalf to all my three friends/families and bhaia-bhabhi who took out time from their busy schedules and spent with us and gave us the oppurtunity to see more of London with a feel of being home.Thank you so much you all..God Bless.