(58) असमंजस

लंबा सफर, काली रात

उस पर ज़ालीम , तेरी याद

चुभते है दिल के जस्बात

नही मगर कोई इसका ईलाज

गूंजे है मेरी साँसों मैं

झलके है मेरी आंखों मैं

बातें तेरी, तस्वीर तेरी

कब आओगी बाहों मैं

सोचु तुझसे बात करूँ

हाले-ऐ-दिल सब तुझसे कहू

लेकिन यह तकदीर मेरी

चाहकर भी कुछ कर ना सकूँ

यह सफर तोह कट जायेगा

लेकिन नया फिर कल आएगा

खो जाऊँगा याद मैं तेरी

युही जीवन ढल जायेगा

(57) ऐसा ही हु मैं !!

ग़म को सहता नही, सहलाता हूँ मैं

तभी शायद पत्थर दिल, कहलाता हूँ मैं !

देकर के ताने , खुश हो जाते हैं लोग

चुप रहकर के , दिल उनके बहलाता हूँ मैं !

मेरे बे -असर बर्ताव से , वोह नाराज़ होतें हें

ख़ुद ही कड़वा कहकर , ख़ुद ही रोते हेँ !

मैं मनाऊं ऐसे मौके, कम ही होतें हें

इल्जाम लग जाने के डर से, रह जाता हूँ मैं !

दर्द नही होता मुझको, जस्बातों से काम नहीं

और भी बढ़कर लगायें हें, येही बस इल्जाम नहीं !

शिकवा भी मैं कैसे करूँ, गैरों का ये काम नहीं

अपनो ने ऊँगली ऊठाई है, मोह मैं बेह जाता हूँ मैं !

(56) अफ़सोस

तुमसे नफरत करना चाहूँ
कैसे भी मैं कर ना पाऊं
कसूर तुम्हारे आख़िर क्या है ?
लेकिन ये ग़म सह ना पाऊं

तुम्हे शायद पता नहीं है
क्या कया मैंने सहा नही है
तुम ना मिले , ना प्यार मिला पर
तुमसे कभी कुछ कहा नही है

आख़िर क्यों है जीवन ऐसा
ताश के बिखरें पत्तो जैसा
तुमसे रिश्ता जुड़ ना पाया
फिर भी नाता तुमसे कैसा ?

यादों का बिखरा है साया
हर दिन नई उदासी लाया
रंजीश है दिल को बस इतनी
तुमसे दिल की कह ना पाया

(55) एक सच

कभी लगती है सागर जैसी,

कभी महज़ बूँद पानी की.

इन्ही के बीच खोयी है कही,

परिभाषा ज़िंदगानी की.

सोचो ना की उम्र भर रिश्तें,

ख़ुद साथ चले आयेंगे .

सुलझानी पड़ती है ख़ुद हर कड़ी,

इस पेचीदा कहानी की....

(54) CONTRITION..

Intently, I never did wrong to anyone so far in my life. However, at few occasions, though involuntarily I served some people with bitter experience and parted with them leaving atrocious memories. Those recollections of mind pesters me at times so much so that I get a strong feeling to rewind the period and come back only after correcting all erroneous actions performed in the past. Sadly…that’s not possible. Also, this is my personal feeling that what happened so wrong was actually wrong, but who knows, probably those were the best suited outcomes in respective situations. May be…I am mistaken now, to feel sad about those things. But who will judge me and the time bygone to decide thereby if it’s really worth for me to regret? Well…it’s a complex task and better be left in the palm of time to get resolved. Nevertheless, one thing which can certainly be done to pacify my mind and lost amities in this matter is Forgiveness. Yes, I think ,that at least is in my sentry, but again it depends on the other person if he/she is willing to forgive me for the very matter which never occurred out of my will and wish but unfortunately ended with sour effect.

Here, I recall one incident which could have helped me to take the first step towards such attempt. During my last year trip to Ahmedabad in January, I learnt about one dissimilar restaurant from my brother .It was following a beautiful method of serving humanity. Volunteers would give their name in advance for each day to provide service ranging from cooking, serving food, cleaning the place, and arranging for one or more variety of cuisine on their expense for a day. Restaurant served around 100 people every day in the evening on first come first serve basis. And the best part was, they did not compulsorily charged their customers for the food provided, only imparted the bill and then it was visitor’s free will to pay whatever he wants or rather pay nothing. I quite liked the theme but doubted about the hygiene and ambience of the place. But when I visited it myself, I was quite amazed to see the clean spread out with ethnic furniture and people of all ages serving customers with delight. We had delicious mix of different food and love served along with. While we were waiting for the change of the big note I paid, one boy arrived with few postcards and pen and gave it to us. He further told us if we had had any tiffs or quarrels with any friend, loved ones in the past which ended in no- negotiation state, then those post-cards could help us. We had to write the address of the person whom we wanted to send the apology and write few words on the post-card, where anonymity of the sender was also given as a choice in case sender was not comfortable with revealing the identity but still wanted to say sorry. I truly liked the idea and immediately took one postcard and a pen, only to get stuck with ambiguity the next very moment. Though names of those few people flashed my mind, whom I thought I had treated with prejudice, but perhaps, I had not the guts then to be so honest to myself in the first place and then to them, or rather, my conscience again questioned me if I was actually ever immoral in those matters. That squabble of my empathy and intellect ended up with pen and the empty post card being put back on the table.
Even today, I often think on the same grounds and feel like mending the broken hubs, if not by anything else affordably from this life, but at least with an unadulterated wholehearted SORRY!

(53) की जाना पड़ा

ना चली हवा
ना मिला पता
ढूंढे मकाँ
ना मीला नीशां

कदम बढे
चलते रहे
फिर भी रहा
रूका कारवां

कुछ था कहीं
जो राहों की डोर
थाम कर कहे
अभी न जा

मंजील मगर
देके सदा
पुकारे थी यूँ
की जाना पड़ा

(52) आबे ज़र

तेरे अबसार से बेह्तें, इस आबे ज़र को रोक

न कर आबरू बाखत , गिराकर ज़मीन पे

गिराना है तो बूँदें , मेरे होठों पे गिरा

मिल जाए दिल को ठँडक , बढ़कर नसी॰म से

अबसार-eyes

आबे ज़र -gold water

आबरू बाखत-insulted

नसी॰म-cool breeze

(51) LIFE IS AN ORDEAL.....PASS IT TO WIN IT.

Sustaining the marbles on the unguarded palm
While maintaining the feet on the railway tracks
Safeguarding oneself from confronting the train
And balancing all of above while moving ahead..............THAT'S LIFE!!

(50)FASTING...!! AND OTHER THINGS

This year marks the completion of ten years of so many good and bad things occurred in my life.Also, reminders of each and every thing came so timely and in unique ways, I am feeling glad that I still have with me the treasure of the heartfelt memories in my mind.

Almost ten years back, when I was schooling, my grandfather’s mother had come home from Delhi.I was a complete Tom-boy types then. Besides showing her disliking about my short hair,boy’s kind of attires and no earings, she also hated my less interest in traditions and religious customs.She asked my grandmother to make me observe fast during Navratris.Very unwillingly, I did so and fainted in the tution class the same afternoon, first day of the nine fasting days and did not continue it any further.I clearly remember, whenever I had observed fast unwillingly before and after that episode, I always had a problem to pull it till the day end, whereas otherwise I could stay fit for almost throughout the day without food many a times. May be ,it was very psychological. Any task which I didn’t take interest in or rather believe in, I could never perform it satisfactorily and same is the matter with me till date.

Next month,one more day of fasting arrived. This was Karva Chauth for which married female observes fast for their husbands.But my great grandmother wanted me to perform this as well because in their custom, unmarried girls too performed it to get a good husband.I did so but this time, matter was little different.I was excited to test the God if he really granted such lavish boons in lieu of hunger strike of just a single day.I haven’t yet forgotten my first keenly kept fast which gave me the experience of being left on the forbidden world without food and water for several hours. Late afternoon, my grandmother narrated the story depicting importance and cause of celebrating that day to me, both my aunts and few other ladies from the neighborhood. After that we were allowed to drink water, tea/coffee for once and then wait until moon appears in the sky. I took a glass of water and then joined my aunts in the coming of the moon.Very late, moon arrived in the sky. All ladies of the house went on the terrace with sweet, water and the rice grains which were held in the fist while listening to the story in the afternoon. I could see all the visible terraces shining with decked ladies celebrating the arrival of moon. Then came the most important part of the show. Offering prayer, sweets, water, rice grain to the moon and then taking blessings from the husband.
My aunts did respectively, but I got bemused in midst of the fantasized illusions and ongoing reality and did exactly what a teenage girl roving in the land of fantasies could have done. With complete faith in God, I prayed I may get the best even if it didn’t complied with the caprices. All of us then went down and had our dinner. My grandmother served food to all of us and she had it in the last as she usually did.
Though I liked the whole process, but one thing which I didn’t like was women touching husband’s feet for seeking blessing. Infact, I never liked that since I was child. I understand its all about custom, but why such custom, I mean who made them,God never sent such commandments to the earth?.And if someone say its written in our religious books, then I ask,who wrote them? We…someone from our ancestors, right?I remember very well, whenever I used to debate for such things,except for my parents, one or the other person from the widespread family would certainly give me back. They will try to convince me that women are there to take care of men and the family.whatever they study, they do, at the end of the day, they have to see the kitchen. I agree, but then she also should have the right to do things as per her choice.I mean, why she should be bound to be following her father,brother,husband, a man in particular, always. It should completely be her choice how she wants to greet someone, or how she wants to seek blessings or rather do it not.What relation she wants to continue dealing with and how she wants to do it?. Why women only? This was one question which always haunted me and it still does many a times.Though not for myself so much, but I certainly feel bad and helpless for crores of other women who blindly give in the long followed traditions and learn to live life forgetting themselves. Ohhh…I again became emotional and lost the track of what I was saying…but what to do? I really feel like starting a revolution for women all over the world.

Well… I was talking about the fasting thing .I observe fast every year for karva chauth anticipating good. But now I have the more agreeable reason to do so and that is love of my husband.

I am not questioning or doubting God about it, but I really don’t know how far is it true and affecting the lives of husbands as narrated by the story. They say, women observes this fast for long lives of their husbands. Since married and following this fast, I don’t remember if I had prayed for anything else than the well being and prosperous life of my husband. And I know I could perform it successfully all these years only because of my faith in it and I am sure I will be the same always.I do not readily do something which I don’t have faith in,, except for the times when my mind forces me to do so for other’s happiness and mutual harmony.And yes…my question Why Women only? ,have started becoming less active in my matters ,especially on Karva chauht every year because Dheeraj too observes the same fast for me. And also he doesn’t want me to touch his feet for blessing, if I do so , he does same back to me.He rather prefers to hug me and then dine with me in the same dish.Lovely!!..isnt it.I know…I immensely love it.
I always believed whatever happens, happens for good.And God never misses the opportunity to make me realize the same over and over again.I never knew Dheeraj until we met three months before our wedding, but I always knew that I would have a wonderful life partner and so do I. I assume, though done over years for the concreting of the castles in the sky, my prayers are paid back in the form of a gratifying reality.

Tomorrow, on yet another karva chauth instance, I would indubitably thank God for all magnificent consents he bestowed me with.

(49) ARROGANT SOUL

I am an arrogant man, they say
And accuses me of insensibility
What should I do or rather undo
To prove to them, my creditability


They say, I don’t care how others feel
And let go off the matter if not fruitful to me
I bother not the least, to see the other side
If my side of coin appears truthful to me

Am I really a person ,with soaring blatant ego?
Does my sense of concern, never comes to fore?
You tell me, what your experience with me says
Did it never find in me, a man with childish core?

(48) DESERVED WORTH

Anything, whatsoever, succeeds more chances of getting its deserved exposure and value,
Only if its creator himself, shows some interest in it in the first place.Otherwise, whatever amount of charm would have been added to that matter,It fails to convince the observer’s eye of the fact, that life in some form, exist in it too.

(47) एक शेर

ना तो तुम कहती ही हों

इसका तो मैं आदि हूँ !


मिजाज़ अच्छा है तुम्हारा,


फिरसे कोशिश कर देखूं !


शायद हसी हसी में ही,


गलती से तुम हाँ कहदो !


इसी भरम से आज दोबारा,


प्यार की आजमाइश कर देखूं !

(46) क्या कहू..!!

मुझसे मेरे अतीत का,यूँ न मांगो हिसाब तुम
तिनका तिनका हर पल मैंने , जिया है तुम्हारी यादों मैं
लम्हों के दोराहों पर, खड़ा रहा मैं बरसो तक
जुटा रहा मैं पुरा करने, तुमसे अनकहे वादों में

तुम शायद मुझे भूल गई थी, मुझसे जुदा होने के बाद
मेरा हर ख्वाब पनपा है, तुमसे मिलने के इरादों में
तुम खुश हो अपनी दुनिया में,खुश रहना मेरी दुआ है ये

पर न करना शामिल मुझे,अब से तुम आबादों में

(45) ROMANCE WITH MYSELF

Today is the last day of Navratri. And as usual, all nine days I missed Gujarat and its Garba so much.Dheeraj tried a lot during these days to arrange for me to attend atleast one day of Navratri but he couldn’t spare time out of his busy schedule.However, he told me this morning that he will buy the passes today and w’ll be going for the Garba tonite .I was so excited and also managed to convince two other friend-families to join us.All agreed and looked forward to meeting and heading for Dandiya Raas.But…..u know…I don’t get anything so easily.While it was the time to get ready and move out, it started raining very heavily.It turned dark all around and rains poured in like hell alongwith the sms’es from all of us to each other with an idea of dropping out the plan.Had I any choice but to agree with them? Sad!!!…..I looked out of the window and then moved out to the balcony to see the beauty spread by rain.My Lord….it was magnificent!! And it did not took me much time to get the mood changed.I rushed on to the top of the building on the wide-spread terrace. Last week, it had rained similar, but by the time I had reached on the terrace after convincing my friend to hang up the phone and good conversation, rains had reduced its intensity.

Well…I did not miss the opportunity today. Got drenched in the natural shower amidst the cool breeze and soothing fragrance of the wet soil spread in the air. It was a beautiful experience I had after a long gap of almost 3-4 years. Earlier, I never missed on yarning with the emancipating encounters with this gift of nature. I always loved rains and getting engulfed with it.I remember enjoying this kind of downpours with different people at different places. Sometimes it had been my aunt,my cousins and sometimes my friends, room mates, and colleagues as well. It used to be real fun.
But today, I was alone….bathing in the hard hitting waters while roaming on the stretched bay and viewing the outlook of the city from the height. Lights illuminating the silky roads and the full-brimmed Hussain-Sagar lake visible from end to end, city embracing the spell of rain with open arms and surroundings getting wild and intense in mood with effect of the deluge from the sky. All these arousing my sense of indulgence and feeling of getting guarded. Though I wished my darling busy husband should have been with me then, but yet I enjoyed the very different feel of romancing with my own self in the stirring rainfall mixed with the aroma of all sweet caprices and the intensifying flights of imaginations. No doubt, I believe such endowments of nature are better pleasured with someone around, somehow I felt it is truly worthwhile at times to let yourself get evolved within your own and enjoy the amalgamation of your soul with yourself.

(44)MY DAUGHTER AND MY HAIR

Except for 2-3years in primary school,1 year in college and then ever after, almost all through my life I preserved my bob-cut, sometimes blunt cut hair style.Compliments from friends, classmates, relatives, teachers and room mates kept me confident throughout to continue with the same. I happen to grow my hair till shoulder once during college days and received good compliments for that hairpick as well. Personally I was not very happy with it, owing to reasons like, my own liking, comfort, flaunt which came with it, and uniqueness as hardly any other girl around me had the same hairstyle except for my best friend in school and 2 others in college, who went for same by my influence. But still, I thought there’s no harm in giving it try, also because both my grandmas had started pointing me out to do so in order to get good alliance proposal. Howeverl…I wondered what good my hair would do for such proposal or any other thing for that matter.I continued growing my hair with regular intervals of trimming the length for almost 4-5 years.And then when I was again thinking on terms of getting back to my patent style, Dheeraj came in my life and he liked my hair the way they were. Though he supported me to go ahead with my plans, I decided to postpone it until after few months of marriage. We got married and busy with balancing our professional and personal lives. Sometimes, shampooing-drying and tying long hair really pissed me off those days and my wish to cut my hair became more stronger. Before I could act it upon, I got pregnant with many complications and advised bed-rest, and hence I again laid back my plan of course. According to me, all this while, except for making me look beautiful occasionally, my hair did not really appear any worth to me until my angel was born to me .Ya..my Charvi daurling. Since she was 3 months old, she started pulling my hair and loved playing with it. She would never take feed or sleep without holding them. She has turned two last month, but still she doesn’t go to sleep without putting her hands through my hair, weaving her fingers on my scalp and sometimes rubbing the bunch in middle of both of her hand’s clasp and then putting her hands around my neck. She dislikes my tied hair and whenever she notices me with a clip or band, she will immediately instruct me to let my hair down. Many a times, when am sitting idle, she would come to me and ask me if she can play with my hair. Sounds funny na… I know...but that extreme she loves my hair. She has now started demanding for the same as she demands for a toy. Even during sleeps, if she realizes that I got loose out of her hold, she would shout in her dozed voice, “Mamma, aapke hair dedo”(Mamma, give me your hair)
Since she has come to our life, I never got the idea of acquiring my original hair style.No doubt, I got them trimmed 3-4 times but never thought of making them short.Most touching part about all this was the incident which occurred when I went to London in this month beginning. I missed her little fingers and clumsy hold in my hair every night there, and here she stubbornly insisted to my mother-in-law to get her mamma’s hair for her. My mom-in-law had a tough time to convince Charvi to go to sleep holding her hair. Oh my little darling!! I felt so moved to hear that. Need and value of my grown up hair which I understood during these two years got revised and all the more precious with this event.
This morning, though she was awake,she became adamant not to let me out of the bed as she was playing with my hair while rhyming her songs and enjoying the mood. Idea of writing about it clicked my mind at the same time.But what a coincidence! My sister phoned me this afternoon and told me that it’s a Daughter’s Day today and I should do something for Charvi, take her out, make her enjoy, click her snaps and may be write something about her.Though there are so many other beautiful things to be written about her, I chose to write about the hair episode, it being more close to my heart and clicking to me since morning.

(43)HUMAN NATURE

Human being, they say is the best creation of God .Equipped with the best of brains, undefeated communication skills and of course the ruling power. But, how far has this so called superior creature of nature has done justice to his own self , his co-existences and to HIS creator? Undoubtedly, this endless debatable question halts with either of these outcomes-(1)speckled answers OR (2) clueless opinions leading to more apprehensions, and both depending on the view-point of the people carrying it forward.
I often come across the same question put up by my conscience, but hardly I succeed to pass through it with any satisfactory answer. Reason…whenever I try to analyze the same, I get tangled into many, many more interwoven queries which needs to be resolved first hand to take any step further towards unweaving the former .And amongst those many…one which I always get stucked with, very badly is… HUMAN NATURE..Yes…Human Nature…Again, this is a topic covering a wide range of speculations possibly claiming the highest variation of thought pattern and equally mottled suggested-accepted theories. However, though certainly not claiming to have come to the universal conclusion describing human nature, I can at least, depict the ideas I perceive about the same or rather I learnt over the short span of life I have lived through
Amalgamation of good and bad is one widely seen characteristic in almost each and every creation of the Almighty. And hence is the matter with us, human beings. God resides in all of us and all of us surely exhibit, if not always than at least once in a lifetime, an act of good deed in one or the other way. Hence, accepting it as a proved factor, I am not writing anything in detail about the same. Rather, my emphasis today is on the sad side of the subject in discuss.
I believe, we are the most selfish of every living being. We live according to our own convenience. Leave afar the act of nurturing our other co-existences in nature, we don’t leave any single chance to exterminate fellow human beings for our self benefits.
We strive for something throughout our lives and by endeavors, but when same is achieved, we don’t value it. We either regret about our past or worry about the future and thus waste the precious part of life which is present. This cycle continues, the present moment becomes past soon and again we indulge into the new present moment to lament about the waste we did with the recent past moment, and this never ends until we ourselves see our end. We keep seeking for happiness in all external things, but forget to search in its sources, within ourselves, by our deeds.
We always take immense pride in pointing out others flaws but seldom we take out time to look into ourselves. We always complain but never appreciate. Neither the act of our fellow human beings nor the opportunities life serves us at every possible turn. We don’t bother how our deeds affect others or how hurt other’s feelings can be left owing to our self centric living pattern. Only thing we prefer to do by best is the analysis. Yes, analyzing every action, occurrence, words, situations and does all this purely on the basis of our personal pre-assumptions, experiences, set of rules and expected outcomes. We hardly give a chance to the life to explain its purpose itself. We try and convert every simple thing into most complex form because that’s how we prove our intelligence. We don’t want to understand simple things in life, we don’t want to lead life in simple ways. If we do so, we will never get a feel to judge others. When someone apologizes, we think because he was wrong and I was right, he did so, but we fail to see the higher meaning of that apology which says that because that person loves and values you, your relationship more than his ego, he apologized.
We get obsessed by our own negatives and thus find it in every aspect. We don’t believe in dreams because few didn’t see reality, we hate everyone because few were not good to us, we don’t trust God because he didn’t grant some of our prayers, we loose faith in friends because one of them ditched, we don’t want to be happy because many attempts to do so didn’t succeed, we don’t believe in love because someone we loved didn’t love us, because we didn’t win that one’s love, because someone betrayed, we leave back aim in life because some steps towards it tested us harshly , we underestimate ourselves comparing with others because certain things we were unable to do…..and many more pessimistic reactions we give to life when it comes to test us because that's how we are comfortable, we are convenient, that’s how we can run away from the responsibility of answering very rarely raised integral questions to us by life itself. Why don’t we hold strong?why don’t we live it all to give it all? why don’t we treasure what we have within, our talents?,why don’t we value the immensely precious gift gifted to us in form of life as human beings, the supreme beings?Why? Why? And many more Why?s.
Life can really be more easy, more fun, more exciting, and more fulfilling, if we try and change our attitude.We should try to be honest to ourselves first and then it will surely lead us to be same with others and in every deal of life. We should learn to be more tolerant , helpful, acceptable and our actions should be less negative, less derision, less nitpicking. And then see, how life appears to you.
Life is like a mirror, what one will show, it will reflect. If we feel positive, feel happy, help others, respect others, we will end up gathering all of these in abundant from every folds of life.

(42) SMS

I was hurrying to go to the bank and received one SMS.I quickly read it once and then again read it slowly and then my entire acceleration to move out of the house decreased.I sat down on the bed and read it once again.I thought what happened to this guy, he always forwards either funny messages or some info seeking one, as though, being equally emtional person like me, he still displays a very mature attitude and hardly gives into the ground- silly jokes or sky-senti stuff.But today, this senti-emotinal message from him, he is surely in some different mood.The message was:- "Think about this... U r sittin on d stairs with me at 3 in d midnight on d terrace of ur house....suddenly ur phone rings n u go 2 attend d phone promisin me 2 cm bak but d person on d phone is from my family givin u d creepy news tat i died last night....will u cm back 2 me??...reply with reason..i m waitin" First i thought it is some kind of tricky puzzling question in which answer is something completely out of the question feild and hence i patiently read it again and tried to find some gramatical plot.And though not so sure,i still replied him showing a doubt about the sentence construction and thereby probable hidden twist.My first reply was:-"How can v b at both places at the same time-Stairs and d terrace?....Pat came his response with a clarification which was:-"Sat on the stairs that goes to the terrace"....Alright i thought, and then lost in thoughts for a moment.Take for a second..if this has to be a true situation what i would have really done?And the immediate instinctive answer was-Certainly!! i will go bak!...but then he had asked for a reason as well...Hmm..i again thot, why did my heart said an immediate Yes...Why??Simple..because I love him...oh yes..definetly...its because i love him and he loves me too.So then i send my reply which was:-"In dat case,i'll come bk.Reasons-(1) I love u and i promised i will b bck. and (2) U love me too b'cos even aftr death u came 2 me, did not go to any1 else,hence u need me d most.".....after a pause of a minute..his reply was this"hmmm....Thanks"..well this reply though soundless on my mobile screen, still mirrored the emotions which wud have been reflecting on his face when he wud hv read my answer and thot of this simple but apt response.I could feel his true sense of being owned and protected in those simple words"hmm...Thanks"... I felt he was in a very sensitive mood then and hence i thought of making it light , not by calling him- becasue that wud have perhaps made him speechless then, but by rather replying one more,but funnier sms.And that was:-"Mst wlcm,on d staircase and in d house as wl".

My daurling brother(the elder amongst two)...he has always been so...a kid with a manly exterior..since he was in 9th class, he started helping my father in his business by renedering best possible aid.He always keeps his best calm and really surprises me with so simplified solutions to the most complex confusions...He is known as the god's man in our entire family.And truly he is the one......

GOD BLESS HIM ............Always!!!!!!!

(41) WEIRED FEELING

Something is really bothering
Don’t know what
Very rare, I come across
this kind of blankness
But it is really pestering,
and creating aggravation

Some kind of anxiety
Don’t know what
Or rather invidious feel
making me more covetous
of probably, the unknown
cause and purpose

Sense of being isolated
and somewhat judged-against
is making the flow in mind
I think, a person actually gets more
bothered by his own actions
and hence relative consequences

(40).SIXTH AND SEVENTH DAY

We took an early morning flight to Frankfurt and then the connecting flight to hyderabad.It was beautiful to see earth from such a height.Reached home late midnight,saw Charvi fast asleep,woke her up and hugged her tight.We were awake till almost early morning and then went for a good night sleep.

I must admit,it feels like heaven to be back home,back to the country,back amongst our people.

(39) FIFTH DAY

We left hotel around 11.am after having breakfast.Took a tube to Baker street for Madamme Tussauds.It was a good to see the wax modells of so many celebrities of the world at onc place.We clicked photos with many of them including my favourite Shah-Rukh khan.Amongst other I got clicked with Gandhiji,Indira Gandhi,Hitler(while getting clicked with him, i got a flash of memory crossed my mind about many of my people comapring me to Hitler to tease me,when i get very adamant and dominating),Tom cruise and many more.It was fun.Besides wax modell display,there was a small train tour-display into London's History,A scary house with live ghosts,game zone and a celebrity light show.It was overall fun.

We moved out,had our lunch and then headed to Holbon via Oxford circus to see the British museum.Oh..it is so large,expanded,well maintained museum.They have the historical pieces from all over the world.A must see-collection.

I was damn tired by then and hence decided to get back to the hotel.Had a nice coffee here and now planning to go for a long walk around.We are expecting our another friend-couple to visit us in the evening.

I had loads of fun all these days but i missed Charvi every minute.I am very excited to be back home soon and hug her tight.And i have decided,this had to be the last time(as in my decision perview) i left her home for so many days without me,no more going out without her as though she might have adjusted my absence, i simply cant live without her presence.I am missing her so much...okey..okey..not getting any emotinal further..i hang-up and catch u later.....................

5 hours later.........

hi...our friends came.......late evening..we had a good chat with them and their little daughter.talking that little princess made us more emotional and missed Charvi all the more.

However,now the wait will soon be over.Tomorrow we are leaving for India,i am so happy.Hoping a safe flight and landing,see u back in India.But hey...hold on,hold on..before i end, i would want to thanks on both our behalf to all my three friends/families and bhaia-bhabhi who took out time from their busy schedules and spent with us and gave us the oppurtunity to see more of London with a feel of being home.Thank you so much you all..God Bless.

(38) FOURTH DAY

One thing which kept hovering my mind previous night was the reply and feedback i got from all of my Indian friends.All are happy here,earning pretty good but none wants to get settled here.The common outcry was ...there's no life here,no enjoyment,no social relations and most importantly they dont want their children to be raised up here,they dont want them to inherit this culture.

Dheeraj left early morning to office,i went for breakfast little late.The restro-floor manager was an Indian.He started a conversation with me in Hindi and same thing again,he too commplained about not being so happy and plans to return as soon as he collects a good sum of money.Well...i felt sad for all of them and pretty happy that i am living in the country which is the most fulfilling place, no matter few hardships are to be faced,but then..where in place is life all easy as well?Also..this episode also discouraged my wish to live in UK/US for atleast 5-7 years.

I went for three long walks until evening when Dheeraj came back.From Earls court, i walked towards sout kensington,hamshire and in the streets of earls court itself at different intervals.I shopped a few things, and enjoyed the beautiful roads,buildings and the cold weather.

We left in the evening by tube to Sudbery where our friend couple(who came to see u son second day) were to join us.They took us for a beautiful and memorable drive through London.First, we went to Windsor Castles,though the entry was closed, we enjoyed its well-preserved beauty over years from its exterior only and clicked good snaps.

Then we went to Southall, where majority of Asian community can be seen,especially Indians.We had a good spicy dinner in a Punjabi restaurant and then held on towards central London.Enjoyed a long drive viewing almost everything once again but this time in night with shimmering lights.We went across London eye,st paul's cathedral,tower bridge,all embasy's,Barclays square,westminster abbey ,etc.

Had real good time with friends,we felt back home and thanked them for the wonderful evening they gifted us with.I felt very pleased,especially with the pretty lady who was just like younger sister, i felt so closed to her throughout both our meetings.God bless them.

Had a good night sleep, and now ready for breakfast and then towards London..So see u in the evening.

(37) THIRD DAY IN LONDON

It was a nice experience to roam around all alone.I went to see the The Tower Bridge..went onto the top..learned about its making,saw its enginge room and the best part was the lifitng and lowering down of the bridge which was an amazing sight.Then i met my bhaia an bhabi at south kensignton and after having lunch went to see the national history museum which is a great place to visit.Then i met a friend of mine with whom saw the outer skirts of london like harrow,wembley and many other significfant places.Came back after having a south african vergetreraian cusine.Was a good day on whole.....now lets see what i do today...

(36) CONTINUED....

Cold beautiful morning,indeed!!!!!!!!!!!

Last evening before i left for my walk,i spoke to two of my very old class-friends who are settled in London.It was nice..I spoke to them almost after ten years.And we thought if all of us could meet up one day.

I wore my shoes and jacket but forgot to take my scarf.Oh...it was cold outside..i was feeling freezed but is till kept walking because it felt very pleasant.I received a call from one of those friend couple and they said they are coming to meet us at the hotel within next 45 minutes from Wembley.And so i returned back to the room after getting lost for a while on the streets but found the correct one soon,and awaited their arrival.Soon they were there and we all had a very good chat.It was a good gathering.I simply thought,what a chance, we never met in India for so many years and now we met it was in the country miles away from all of ours motherland.Well...they left late night after giving us the proposal of going to Windsor Castle and Southhall on Tuesday with them if things work out all well.Lets see....cos right now Dheeraj is getting ready for his office and I will see what I can do with this long day in London.Probably ,Bhaia-Bhahbhi who were my online guide first day,come up to meet or maybe the other friend couple show-up today.So,looking forward to meet them all...and expecting an aswell good day ahead.I was also thinking if i could go to national gallery and spent the rest of the day there with the amazing paintings..cya then..

(35) SECOND DAY OUT HERE

Breakfast menu had most items non-veg,hence survived on juice,fruit and a loaf of bread.Started our exploration with the THE ORIGINAL TOUR of London which provides with hop-on/hop-off facility with under roof and open-deck bus allowing one to get down at whichever stop he wants and board another bus which arrives at every 15 minute.We saw almost every spectacular sight of London today.We saw the national gallery which held the huge collection of great paintings by renowned artists including Da Vinci,and opposite to it was the Trafalgar square madly crowded due to some musical concert kindof going on.We also got down at St.Paul's CAthedral which is again a marvel of architecture and which hosted great historical events including Prince Charles and Lady Diana's wedding.I must say, the whole of London is the reflection of intelligent,nonrusting,disciplined, beautiful architecture.

Another stop after crossing the London Bridge was the THE TOWER OF LONDON,main agenda for me to see this place was to eye the kohinoor..this place is so largely spread on hundreds of acres that a whole day would have fall short to discover it and hence after seeing few of the most visited parts of it,we directly hopped on to the Jewel house which started with the video display of the precious jewels and ended with their real displays..i was so amazed to see the Kohinoor in the queen's crown that i went round twice to see the same.I wish we can get it back to Inida someday.!!.Ah...difficult.!!Besides the immesely precious jewels from different parts of the world,my eyes also got stuck on the crown from India..it was really really beautiful.

We had our lunch,luckily availed veg-sandwich with diet coke and ofcourse the helpful cupanoodles we carried with ourselves,in case we had not got better options.Then we took a river cruise from London tower to the Westminster Abbey and saw many historical and beautiful buildings throughout including london eye ,london bridge,big ben and others.And then was the most tiring part....walking....to search the next point of hop-on/hop-off...we kept walking and walked all the distance from westminster to victoria which costed us a hell lot of time and all of my energy...and say wat?..we didnot go anywhere else from there,i mean no more sight seeing..we took the tube from victoria to earls court and now sitting in the hotel.But i am still planning....planning to go out for a short walk to the streets all alone....here i go...so catch u tomorrow..

Sometimes,u really feel like talking about things to ur people,to ur friends,share ur good and bad experiences,but it doesnt work out always..rightna.!!..so i wrote it down all here and i am feeling happy that u are reading it out..thanks..

(34) FIRST DAY IN LONDON

Because of recent happenings in the family,while leaving home I was not equally excited to see London as i was sometime back.But to add to my good feel,London came as a beautiful gift.Journey started with a amusing incident at hyderabad international airport when i lyp-snced the name of one of the security personnel as HAMILTON LAL and smiled in my moustaches to be observed by himself and he too joined me by giving a loud laugh and asked me if i was observing his name.I agreed, and he told me that almost every visitor does so and he always asks his dad why he selected such name for him.Well....a good laugh..we proceeded.

Had a good flight from hyderabad to Frankfurt where there was an hour hault and then to London.Frankfurt airport was the beginning of the sights i had only seen in most hollywood and few bollywood films,FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION anywhere.I felt so pleasant to see people hugging each other,kissing and greeting with all possible feelings which we people would think abt twice even in a concealed place.Well..no comparisions intended,it was just a thought which crossed my mind.

Morning around 9,london time...we reached this beautiful city.Beautiful than i had imagined following all the movies which represented it.Our check-in time was little late and so we gave our luggage to hotel storage and went for a walk around the streets.Neatly placed colonial houses,well mended roads and traffic,and hardly any traces of pollution.We checked in the hotel little later and after having the lunch, decided to go to explore london and travelled in the tubes.We are in Earl's court,from here we took a tube to Hyde park,and walked the way to buckingham palace from there.This is the palace of UK's queen and is open to public every year only for a month of August,our good luck..this year they decided to extend the entries for even September..and the toppings on the cake was the Banquet Hall in the palace where queen throws parties for the other countries head ,it was decorated in the same fashion as it is done for them and was on Display for the first time ever in its history.Exciting..isnt it...I was very pleased to be here...as London was one of my dream destinations..The 19 state rooms and the 30 acres garden of the palace were magnificient,had a nice time there.

We moved out of the palace and headed our walk towards the London eye.Walking through the green cover on either sides of the road,we crossed the Parliament square,then the Westminter Abbey,Thames river and there comes the London Eye.Viewing London from such a height was amazing.Though the cold was killing me all the time, I was still having fun.Throughout the day, i kept calling one of my friend,whom i call bhaia and who is settled out here,to guide us and it really helped as we did not waste much of the time wondering where to go next.Thanks bhaia.Well...last destination yesterday was the Picadilly Circus,thats the name of the place..which is much often shown in our movies, a fountain in the middle and a huge halogen illumminted ad-board displayed behind it with SANYO written on it.That was a busy shopping area adjjoined with the OXFORD and the REGENT street.Well...by then ..i was dead tired...i was just htinking...how much these people out here do walk...they keep on walking,walking....great stemina.

We reached back to hotel around 9.30 in the evening.When we were crossing the road nearest to our hotel,i observed a wonderful thing.Light for the pedestrains had turn red and that for the vehicles green.But still, no car moved and neither did they filled atmosphere with ear screeching horns,a long queue of cars waited until a very old man who i believe had not seen the signal turning red, was crossing the road with the help of the chair-form-holder and taking the baby-steps with eyes tucked into the road.A man ran to his help and until he had made him cross the road taking almost a minute,none of the cars moved.So helpful...isnt it.

Hmm...so today we are going to some other places..wl let u know in th evening.I am really having fun...but only one thing is pinching me very badly..and that is absence of my daurling...my charvi..i wish she was with me...i called this morning to talk to her..but she was not in mood..

Will try a little later.

(33) BE NOT AFRAID OF GOOD DEEDS

We had booked our tickets under tatkal scheme. 2 days back,to come back to Hyderabad, we boarded the train from valsad,though the ticket was booked from rajkot to secunderabad being issued under tatkal.There was less space left to keep our luggage by already seated passengers. But somehow we managed to stuff our three bags in place of one. Journery started and from the third station, boarded a middle aged south Indian man with 6 numbers of luggage. Our seat numbers were 51 and 53 while his seat number was 49.No space was left out for him to set his things.He requested us to move our luggage.I told him about our already performed compromise.He then started staring the half asleep other passengers for help,who were least bothered to respond to his plea.He was feeling very helpless as half of his things were still lying at the door of the compartment.i thought of helping him and I stood up to wake those people up and asked them about the number of seats they had and number of luggage the kept under the seat.i realized two people from side seating had stuffed two big heavily loaded bags in our space besides over occupying their underseats and other available.This man(seat 49) did not understand gujarati and those people whom I requested were comfortable with only gujarati.They became bit adamant and took a kind of tiff with me over the matter of shifting out their stuff.I fought equally with them beyond my husband’s dislike about my quarrelling for a stranger.While I fought and succeded,this man simply kept quiet and thanked me when all his luggage were kept in place.
After sometime, we realized that both our confirmed seats were given to the RAC people as we had not boarded from Rajkot and hence assuming us to be not traveling ,the TTE did so.Before we could sort some explanation from him , he came shouting on us and asked us to leave the seats as he had already got some good gyaan against us by the RAC man who was supposed to get our seat and who was amongst those supporting those two adamant luggage fighters. Perhaps, there was some technical error in ticket issuing due to which we landed in that soup.I requested the other TTE to do something, or issue us new tickets or atleast give us one seat so that we could make Charvi sleep on that, but my pleading went in vain.Atlast, we decided to get down at kalian and take another train, which according to the enquiry we got done on phone by our friend, had 80 seats availability. While we were freezing on this decision,this man(seat 49) gave us a help proposal.He said, if we had no problem, he could exchange his seat with some side berth seater and all three of us could sit there and spent the night.Though we hesistated initially, later accepted the proposal as only that choice could land us Hyderabad in time and hence we could be there to receive my in laws who were already on there way to us.
Later, when TTE changed from Vaashi, I again enquired with the new one, who told me that one of our seats was still available.We exchanged it with the side berth seater and thanked that man(seat 49) for his help.We also managed to get one more seat in sometime and came back home without further problems.
Dheeraj told me that he was badly annoyed when I was quarreling for some stranger, but later when the same stranger offered to sacrifice his sleep and comfort for us, he realized that good deeds are paid back..

(32) MY GRANDFATHER

Idea of writing about my grandfather crossed my mind several times in recent months. I managed to postpone it with good reasons always…like-i will take out quality time to do justice to my feelings about him, like-let him feel little better with his health, like- let him come back home from the repetitive long term admissions to hospital with short term home-staying, like –recent one,my laptop not in working condition for such a long time,like- the latest, my curiosity about the issuance and non-issuance of UK visa so that I could push off along with Dheeraj ….and such reasons kept me from writing about him. Perhaps…it was destined. I had to write about him using the word..WAS..

5th Sep,Teacher’s day and I was all sure to write about everyone who taught me wonderful lessons ,though being or not, my official teachers. Morning 10.30, I received call from my mom informing my grandfather’s demise. Though expected owing to his extended illness over years, that news shook me down all the more listening to my mom’s dazed voice, who was left with the job of informing everyone , my father and grand mother being in the hospital doing formalities to get my Dadaji’s body back home. The least I could do at the earliest to help my mom was to inform other relatives on her behalf and I offered the suggestion to her, not knowing how dire that task could be.More people I called, more sadness I gathered and could not wait to rush home at the earliest. Dheeraj checked all possible transportation means which could facilitate me to see my dadaji for the last time, but my hard luck, the earliest Hyderabad-Mumbai flight was late in the evening which could take me to valsad not any early before midnight and ofcourse no train either could take me there that fast. Disappointed, I took the afternoon train to Mumbai alongwith Dheeraj and Charvi.
Throughout the journey..memories of time spent with my grandpa kept flashing through my mind and tears pouring through my eyes.My grandfather…my father’s father..a simple man with minimal requirements, few rules, good values and hard working spirit. He walked like Rajdhani and we could never match his pace except with running. Whenever on off-duty, he would drop us school, sometimes pick us up back,and of course after he got retired from his government Railways job, he brought us fresh hot food for lunch, from home to school during recess timings. He taught us good manners, he scolded us for wrong deeds.Being kids, we always unliked him for his loud snoring during sleep and his habit of insisting us to eat green vegetables.We never saw him tired or exhausted unless until, seven years back when he slipped on a sticky surface and got fracture in his knee.One small accident caused him disgust for rest of life.Gradually, he started becoming more and more weak and ineffective. Became more dependable on medicines than food. During last three years, his health deteriorated and he became completely bed-ridden. My grandma and my parents devoted their entire schedule and time towards taking care of him. Eventually, he lost partial movements, proper speech and bit of memory. His body acquired sores throughout and he was laid on the water bed for last one year.On all my visits during last three years, I found him growing more victim to his diseases. I felt so proud of my father who spent most of his time with his father helping him do his daily activities. My father would give him a bath, help him with toilet, feed him all the meal and do all this bearing the constant reluctance and annoyance of my grandpa who was completely frustrated with this stage of life.
I felt very helpless to loose a great mentor of our lives. I was dying to see him one last time but as I knew it wouldn’t be possible, I called my brother who had reached home in time, and asked him hesitatingly to take a snap of my grandpa before they take him for the last rituals.I was thinking whether I should envy my brother who could see dadaji for the last time or I should feel sorry for him and his pain to bid that sorrowful good-bye.
We reached Mumbai early next morning and went to valsad by road with our relative in his car. Earlier always,,when we went home, we would directly go to the third main entrance of the house which would lead us to Maa-Dada’s room(grandmother-grandfather’s room) , but this time, I knew I had to enter the first entrance and find myself amongst the people lamenting the same loss I was doing throughout the way. My father with a bald head sitting on the floor,my mom,aunt,grandma and many other relatives sitting on the floor- mat spreaded there. I surprised myself by not letting out a single drop of tear while hugging almost everyone present there, especially when I am the kind of emotional person who would start crying on seeing even a stranger in misery.Maybe I had done lot of crying a night before, or may be I felt my grandpa’s present everywhere in the house.
During our three day stay over there, besides being gifted with the true to life photo of the last sight of my grandpa, I came across different feelings and learnt varied lessons. I was happy to see how people respected and remembered my dadaji, but I also felt bad about the absence of some people/relatives who should and who could have been there well in time before I reached, perhaps…these are the times when you come to know who are your true relatives. I also got surprised to see those few people crying like insane on my grandpa’s demise, who had not even bothered to check out his health during last seven years or even seen him during last ten years. Well, may be this is some kind of social art or compulsion.
Nevertheless, this event brought the end to the prolonged sufferings and agony my grandfather was going through and the hardtimes other people were having to see him in pain. No doubt, this loss can never be compensated, but we have to look on the positive side of the occurrence and that is, his relief .

(31) .....................

Though Charvi is not keeping much well since last2 days,she was still displaying a very sporty spirit by behaving much better when compared to alike children in illness.But today it was worse for her.Almost throughout the day she was crying after short intervals of disturbed sleep and trying silences.Doctor changed the medicine but still there doesnt seem much improvement in her cold-cough and related congestion-fever.Am feeling very perturbed because of both of ours helplessnesses:-Hers-to not been able to explain what exactly is happening to her AND ours-not been able to see her in pain alongwith no proper intake of food,milk or even the compulsory medicines.She is trying to sleep since 8'o clock in the evening and yet not attained the "not-so-easy to wakeup" stage of sleep.She is asking for water every minute and not taking even half a sip.Its almost ten minutes now that she has fallen asleep,seems she is now completely tired of her pains and related crying.God..may she have a sound sleep and a fast recovery.Since morning, am remembering my mother and feeling very grateful to her for taking care of us so intensely at every turn of life.I can now understand how taxing and testing it would have been for my mother,infact for all the mothers,parents and also how unpleasant parents feel to see their child in pain.I realize it now,why mothers dont feel hungry when their children has not eaten,why mothers loose sleep when their children are not able to,why mothers feel defeated when their children cant make it...i understand it all..all the more..

(30) Few.....

Few thoughts, Few emotions,
Few dreams , Few feelings,
Few joys, Few sorrows,
Few actions, Few responses,
Few questions, Few answers
Few goals, Few occurrence,
Few reasons, Few arguments,
Few distances, Few closeness
Few allegations, Few rejections
Few desires, Few fears,
Few promises, Few violations
Few silences, Few punishments,
Few relations, Few expectations,
Few words , Few People, Few losses
Can never be EXPLAINED!!!
Can never be UNDERSTOOD!!!

(29) GLASSFULL OF BEER!!

A glass full of beer

Crispy potato chips

Say "Cheers" aloud

Let wet your lips

Sip it "bottoms up"

No burps aloud

Shut up your mouth

Eyes will speak loud

Let go off 'The world'

Don't give a second thought

Few moments of whimsies

Let them get waste not

Be true to yourself

Speak out your core

For moments forget

The hell lot of lore

Becasue after somtime

When you will get over

Will find yourself again

In life's straining cover...

So..more glasses of beer

With more potato chips

Get yourself immersed

In delightful dips...

(28) LIVE YOUR PRESENT COMPLETELY

Do we have an account of past OR

Theory proving existence of future?

Perhaps we either have datas

To bet for, in name of history

Or some specific plan charts

To potray our own illusions

What we all have in hand

Is this moment called present

Which we wasted ever earlier

To call it our past

And killing it even more

Anticipating the future

Neither a bit of past will do

Nor a fraction of future too

Stay along and move with breath

As your present will surely do

Live it,love it,ask truthfully

Your present will give everything to you

(27) HAVE FAITH.!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE

Analyzing things ,based on pre assumed notions
Serves as the root cause of all hurt feelings
However pleasant would have been the end
Such obtuse thoughts ruin the dealings

One should not get obsessed by the odds
And ascertain to look at the positive side
Not always can someone be bad with you
Will not always take you, on dismal ride

There can be many anomalous reasons
Leading one to say something unusual
That doesn’t shows the change of attitude
That can be twist or turn, very crucial

Trust yourself and listen to your heart
Does it think the same way, like your impulse?!!
If not, then forget all your bad belief
And in good hope, get yourself indulge .

Learn to have, some faith in the system
Of The Great GOD and his creation
Every bond that he connects with you
Assures you blissful lasting realtion

(26) IT'S OKAY

22nd August'08
You have been an insight, muse to me always
Sometimes as a teacher ,Sometimes as companion
You are blessed uniquely, with lots of passion
Your words can bridge, deepest of the canyon

I truly get amazed, to see you unperturbed
Displaying conviction, with lots of zeal
Come what may, let happen what may
Anxious or so worried , you never feel

I want to see you always, on the pinnacle
Shining with the glory and pride of success
Still sometimes, I lose it to my heart
Seeing your buoyancy, I feel jealous

That’s not because of any,ill-feeling I have
Because o f the sense, of being left forlorn
You know the art of ,hiding pain with poise
I fail to accept ,the feel, of being left alone

In the passing times, you taught me many things
Through your crystal-clear, behavioral creations
Taught me to love, taught me to trust
And the best thing, taught me to have patience

I have to be thankful, to you so much always
Not only for those, things I learnt formerly
But also for the newest, event that ensued
Moral of ‘NOT TO EXPECT’, you taught me so dearly

Where there’s expectation, sorrow does reside
As the former grows, later deepens its cores
Leads one to the height, of the topmost level
Then suddenly destroys, by closing the doors

Though method was strange, I still feel so glad
By not keeping the promise, you did me a favor
You proved me right , that I know you the best
Now this fact , with pride, for life- I can savor

(25) HALF AN HOUR- A RIDE TO MANY THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS.

22nd August'08
Around 15 people coming home Sunday evening for dinner.Lots of preparations.Well,I thought to start from buying vegetables.Second thought was , “No God, I can’t face that snobbish shop owner who have the least grace in his voice and actions while dealing with his customers and I was also not sure of the timings when only his cheerful wife is available. But then he is the one who keeps the fresh and the best stuff around. So I had to bear him.I was greatly relaxed not to find him when I entered the shop. I took my leisurely time to choose and buy vegetables .A good experience…I left the shop in a happy mood.

Just after that was the CD-DVD library where I was suppose to return one rented DVD. Oops, I had forgotten to bring that .Still, I entered the store and apologized to the owner and promised him the dvd return in an hour. He was very gentle and appeasing while agreeing to my request and without a single complain. Thought on my mind was...what a gentleman!! What good level of customer understanding.

While returning home, I received call from Dheeraj informing about his official dinner outside and hence no cooking food for him. I felt lazy about cooking for only myself as Charvi’s food was already prepared.And hence my next stop was Pani-puri-chat shop.I had one plate pani-puri and ordered for one chat.Awaiting the same, my attention moved on to the guy who was standing exactly opposite to me.Tall, fair, well dressed formally with good taste of trouser-shirt-tie combination, neatly parted hair, and his company’s identity card hanging from his neck. Hmm..seemed to be a corporate guy. Appeared to be little shy, but sometimes..its real fun to observe people who are these kinds, shy and introverts. To interrupt my analysis, his mobile rang and while he was trying to pull out his phone from his trouser pocket, a packet of cigarettes fell down. Next thought was…Oh God…He is a smoker ?Seems to be an educated lad..and see what..he is a smoker, I hate smokers!!! But hey…wait a minute..do I really hate smokers….my mom’ father, my brother in law, many of my good friends….they all smoke and I don’t hate them….so that means..I don’t hate smokers..but I definitely hate smoking. My chaat arrived…I had it and there I go back on the road leading me home…

While striding, my attention shifted to the butchery shop which was on the same side of road where pani-puri wala was.I had been on this road hundreds of time in my 2 and a half years of stay in Hyderabad and had seen this shop almost nearly for the same number of times. But for the first time, a shriek cry of a hen/chick coming from inside made me stand still on the road.I peeped into the shop more anxiously to see what was going to happen to the ill-fated life which was entangled inside, although, back of my mind I knew it would be killed and cut, being inside, for only that reason. My mind struggled for quite some time making it difficult for me to take even a single step further. But because it would have been dreadful for me to see such slaughter, I forced myself to move ahead with all gloomy thoughts about that helpless life.

I reached my apartment building and awaited around 5 minutes for the lift along with three other people doing the same. We all entered the lift and stood silently for the entire journey towards reaching our respective floors. One man stood facing the door with his eyes stuck on the floor. One woman kept on moving her right hand bangles with her left hand at regular intervals of adjusting her saree and her purse one after other and did all this without looking at any one else in the lift. Third person, a man again… was pretending to be the busiest amongst all by repeatedly trying to call someone with his mobile and disconnecting it without even waiting for the service provider to connect his call. And there was me, sometimes looking at all of them one by one and sometimes gazing out of the glass of the capsule lift which provided the scene of the vast lake located in the heart of the city.Doing all this, thought which rugged my mind was about the silence inside. There was a time, my childhood, when we use to greet every other person we met on our society roads with Namaste, hello and hi respective to their age and relation. And now…look at us..staying in the same building…..and behaving like aliens..Keep aside the talk of being members of the same apartment,I have seen people behaving the same way in offices as well…I sometimes wonders..is it some kind of compelling effect of the lift which makes people silent as soon as it opens its arms for them or is it some kind of social manner which keep not only the strangers but known people too, away from communicating.

Well…enough of the merry go round ride I had today with varied kinds of thoughts….i need to relax for sometime and get back to my normal routine.

(24) DOES RELIGION TEACHES THIS???

21st August'08
Reading has always been an integral part of my life. Besides my own interest selection, I try and read books suggested by others. One of my friends suggested a good read and thus my hunt for that book began immediately.
I dedicated my entire evening to search that book.I went to all possible book stores in and around 5 km radius from my residence only to gather various reasons for non- availability of the same.Nevertheless, I ended up buying six other books, one of them by the same publisher whose book I was looking for .Perhaps buying them all could have been the outcome of my never ending ill- craze of buying more and more books.Well, let me put aside the discuss about my obsession and better talk about the incident which put me to write all this.
In the last book store I visited today, I came across few interesting books in Urdu and about Islam.As I was dead tired, I pulled out the bean bag lying nearby and got seated near that book shelf. While I was surfing through the books, one of the many attendants in the store came and stood by my side.He did not say anything and simply stood there for almost 5 minutes observing me.I tried to ignore his presence. I was holding two English language books taken from earlier shelves. As I twisted a little to put them on the lowest shelf nearby to let me do my seek easily, that guy who thought I was putting the books on the floor, interrupted me saying “ one minute madam”, he pulled one small stool and offered me to keep those books on it.I looked in his eyes with a question mark?He told that Urdu or Arabic books should not be kept on the floor. I was bit confused and bit surprised. I asked him if that was written or mentioned somewhere or is it some kind of religious rule that I am not aware of. He said, “No madam, these are our religious languages and books containing them should be given respect, we walk on the floor and hence these books should not be kept where we put our feet”. By then , he had seen the cover page of the books kept there and he got to know that those were not Urdu books. And so he said, “mam, its okay if u keep them down as they are English books, so no problem”. I argued, “ doesn’t it apply to all the books, as books are books and they all impart some kind of knowledge. I shouldn’t be allowed to keep either of the books on floor if that’s related to books dignity”. He said, “no mam, those are not our religious books, so we don’t have to care so much about them”.I asked him, “Do u know Urdu?”, he said.. “bit of Urdu and more of Arabic”. Further, he said, “mam u also must be knowing Urdu and Arabic” and asked if I was an avid reader of Quran.While nodding no for my answer I questioned him alike about Quran and he said he doesn’t read regularly. After a pause , I said I am not a Muslim .He was sadly stunned and asked me why was I, then searching books on Islam and Urdu. Well….I felt like answering him back a good long lecture..but I controlled myself and simply told him that my father’s neighborhood is a Muslim family and we have been brought up spending good time with them and that I have immense in tersest in learning about the religion I was bestowed with in a friendly packaging by God and the same religion which is being either misinterpreted or rather miscalculatively used. I was too loud and harsh in saying all this which made that man move from there without a word.
But all this left me unnerved for quite sometime. I really don’t know what that guy was trying to showcase, his immense love for his religion, his not-relevant attitude towards other religions or rather his ignorance and misconceptions he carried about his religion along with the lack of revere towards books, their role in human development and their importance in every individual’s life irrelevant of the religion a person belongs to.
Am sure there's no religion in the world which teaches to be respectful to a particular thing or entity if its pertaining to itself and not do the same for one which belongs to other religion.Well, to silent my quest I need to thoroughly study the one in question.

(23) ADDICTION

Almost every day, I surf internet, check emails and do little writing on my system. My laptop faced a crash lastnight.Since morning I am feeling so uneasy with not being able to do anything with my system.It will take some days to get it repaired.I eagerly awaited Dheeraj to return home so that I could use his laptop and relieve my anxiety .Absence of my connectivity with the virtual world made me feel helpless and disjointed throughout and I realized how addicted I have become to this electronic world and its means. Thanks to my friend with whom I chatted on phone for good time and good cause which kept me uninfluenced from the sense of being cut off for some time, but disconnecting the call again left me handicapped as to reach this friend or other any further, I required my laptop, my system.Infact..I sense similar feeling when I get out of the phone connectivity due to whatever reasons…
It becomes really difficult at times to judge whether the impact of the addiction to this gadgets is more seriously serving the cause of the apprehensions and melancholy rising amongst this cohort people or is it simply the result of varied factors relevant to each individual’s need and desire to reach his/her yearned person or thing.