(280) I am not ME

There's something which is puzzling me day in day out. Which is why, perhaps people around me has started observing the difference in my behaviour . No...I am not behaving bad or rude or something ,I am just not behaving the way I normally do. I want to stay away from all noises, crowd , people. I am in constant need of lot of space around me. I feel I can't handle all this artificiality hovering in the surroundings . I want to hear myself breathing loud. I want to feel my silence in accord to the silence which is creeping in me with a rush immeasurable . I want to stay calm for a long long time. I just do not wish to talk to anyone.

I don't know what is this. Why is this. I have no heartaches, I have no dreams impending or troubling , I have nothing to settle with other, I have no complaints , I have no demands, I just do not want anything at all .....and yet I am craving badly for something cosmically unknown, and not revealed to me by the universe .
I want to keep looking at those black orange skies and utter no word. I want to pick up no phone calls, hear no door bells, say hello to no one and just be with myself.

Irony you know what is.....I am doing everything exactly opposite. Why? It's inevitable . Not that someone is forcing me to do things, however I have placed myself and my life in a very complex societal setting wherein everything runs through norms. I am a social worm, I am a social mirror, I am an answer to societal bindings and bondings. I am everything that a person needs to be fall in consensual understanding while being the part of this society . I am everything that suits to be introduced, proud to be known, glad to be with and cherished to be made a part of live. I am everything that is not unacceptable . I am everything that is welcomed with smiles and embrassed with care. I am everything that someone would not regret to have been associated with...And yet ..and yet.....I AM NOT ME..

(279) Getting back ...leaving pending posts for now

It is very frustrating that I am unable to talk with you all since a long time. Actually every time I feel like getting connected here, the thought that I have not yet shared about two important events , holds me back from coming online. I guess, I have had it enough. Enough of waiting to complete the incomplete and then getting started. I chose rather to tell you that I have to mention about event one- my Hungary trip and event two-my clash with a Russian girl on 16 th August , and then get going with everything that hAs been pumping and rushing through my mind all these dAys. So with a promise to update you about the above mentioned , I take this opportunity to go ahead with the current and Urgent waves of thoughts through the posts to follow.

I cannot mention how much I miss being here , talking to you and getting carved out in and out through my own words on this platform .