(63) WORDS

Proverb says, “Action speaks louder than words” but sometimes it’s the other way round. On one hand, words can create the world full of those realities which though doesn’t exist whereas on the other hand they can ruin the whole empire within seconds. Expression is the common way of communication for most of the living beings, and for human it serves as a blessing to be able to converse in hundreds of languages comprising of crores of words making it the easiest job to talk the heart out. But we, it seems, have exploited this boon to the maximum zenith by using it for every possible bad reason. We use it as a tool to aim at those poor beings who doesn’t need any sharp weapon to be defeated, but rather could be killed with humiliation created by improper usage of words. This reminds me of the read I came across sometime back while going through one of my favorite blogs. Author had compared animals and human in context of later being able to talk and still linger unhappy whereas former being devoid of same art but yet being content. So intelligent thought it was, wasn’t it? At least I felt so. THINK…!! What if even human beings were devoid of being able to talk linguistically to communicate? Would they be still the same? Nope, I don’t think so. What do u say??

(62) IT HAPPENED SO..

Seemingly endless, silently flowing narrow deep brook covered with profusely thick, wildly bending trees on either sides.Waters as deep as any silent mind could be. An antique rock firmly situated on one side of the bank appearing as an apt seat. Sun forwarding towards setting zone making it blackish orange on all sides.A bamboo woven round casket-like boat floating along with the slow waters trying to match the laziest speed of the nature around. A girl in her mid twenties seated in the boat, not knowing the purpose of her presence amidst the mystifying milieu, wandering through the nature whilst struggling with her thoughts. A man though possessing every virtue of being most aspired, with his persona strutting natural gentility, seated apparently rather distinct and perturbed on the only rock in the vicinity. His despondent eyes tucked into the waters with gloomy face rested on the folded hand lying on the crested knee. Slow movement of the boat assisted the girl with ample time to see, observe the heartrending pose of the somber man, to feel the pain budging inside the sculptor alike seated being, to sense the possible trouble distressing the placid soul in her sight and to consider herself the most ill-omened creature for not been able to either discern the precise cause of the commotion niggling the man or rather help that man to feel serene. Boat moved ahead with the girl and her thoughts more traumatized (than that man could be!!), for moving ahead leaving that man behind to struggle, the only man she always thought of endowing with abundant happiness and every little good thing of her own life.

(61) GOD TUSSI GREAT HO..

Life gives you the most unexpected bolts from the blue!!…At times, its disclosures astonishes you with utterly unmanageable happiness..whereas, often it takes the wind out of you, rendering you with the bombshells of woe and melancholy.

When you have the slightest probability and utmost aspiration of acquiring something, it gives you the same with a shock or surprise. Ironically, by then you are EITHER not left with any more fortitude to savor it OR you run short of time in life to get pleasure from the same. Why does God plan things in such a weird plot? Doesn’t he understand, few things are better given when they are most required? Why does he play such brainless, injudicious games of obliging but not obliging? But what can be done about his graphs and strategies? God is God!! Right??

(60) DATE...TO REMEMBER..

Any given date is a story in itself.

I am addicted to remembering dates for their impact they leave on me and on life of my loved ones. I cherished this obsession of mine by even jotting them down in one diary. Few years back, I discontinued maintaining the record in writing owing to the agony few of the dates brought to my mind while reviewing the notations. Nevertheless, my mind hardly ceases to register the important events in its subconscious database and it also keeps flashing those memos to me very timely giving me the opportunity to relive those moments. As they say, good and bad things comes in a package, sad part of following this habit is also nothing less than getting beleaguered. The way few dates brings beautiful flickers of the days bygone, similarly retracting few of them leaves the soul besieged with the struggle of balancing life amidst the current liabilities and the loss encountered. However, I still feel I am blessed to have been bestowed upon with the quality of memorizing the dates and the relevant occurrences because this is something which not only facilitates me with prospects to revive those moments close to the heart but also allocates me to strengthen my emotional quotient by appreciating those impressions, sentiments of trouncing and triumph, I came across in the former times.
Call it a day of blessings and boon
Or name it the dark night of no moon
Confused I am what should I call it
From glee to sorrow, it turned very soon

Godsend gift was placed on the palm
Thrust of joy, just did not accept calm
Only when puzzlement made me utter weird
My heart was then put to an alarm

But by then, loss had already been done
All of my plea then, had to face a shun
Am paying the price of behaving hastened
Lamenting on this self made “life-a-pun”........Alas..!!!

(59) WHY???

Charvi started going to her play group school since 15th Dec’08.Either of the parent was supposed to be with the child for first 3-4 days and hence I accompanied her for that. She attended four days of school and then got Christmas vacation of 18 days. She enjoyed initial period as she was surrounded with a secured feeling of her mother being around and hence she fancied the idea of going to school as it was fun to play whole day in a new place but with a familiar sanctuary.

After a long break, she was supposed to join back on the day before yesterday, but as she was not keeping quite well, I dropped the idea of sending her to school. However, yesterday she insisted she wanted to go and hence I took her to her newly found play place. I dropped her inside the school campus and watched her being taken ahead by one of the teachers appointed there. Charvi was looking at me again and again by turning her neck behind to check if her mamma was still there. I waved my hand to her and assured her aloud that I will be waiting for her in the car parked outside and visible to her. I sat in the car and made a call to Dheeraj to tell him that I will be waiting outside the school owing to two reasons;1-Charvi had come to school after so many days and was made to go inside without me and 2- she had still not completely recovered from ill health.Before I could conclude my call, I heard Charvi’s loud cry from inside and before I could get down, lock the car and run to check what happened to her, I saw her running out of the mistakenly left unlocked gate and loping towards me followed by two of the teachers. Sooner than I could hold her in my arms, one of them pulled her up forcibly and took her back into the campus. I ran behind them watching Charvi crying still louder and stretching her arms towards me, pleading to be with me. Her face was wet with hysterical tears and her actions were heart tugging .I had not seen my child so helpless ever before. Whole scene left me unnerved and shaken up.I followed the teacher in and tried to calm down my daughter. After this I was allowed to sit with her through that day as well.
She cooled down and played happily for rest of the time. She painted on two different sheets while I was watching her, doing the same so confidently. When we had to leave, I was instructed by the principal that from next day onwards, I would have to drop Charvi in and leave the place immediately and come only during pick-up time. I agreed silently but my mind, my heart somehow couldn’t digest the instruction.

Thouhg I know and understand very well that some day Charvi has to learn to be on her own, but somehow I feel I am not yet ready to let her out without me even for a minute.
I spoke about this to my friend who advised me to be more stronger and help my daughter to take the new and very important step of her life.
She had a holiday today owing to Moharram.I kept wondering whole day what would I do tomorrow.Will I be able to take a turn back from the school after dropping her? Or should I not go only to drop her and make Dheeraj do the same? I don’t have the courage to see my child crying so vulnerably for her mother all over again.How can I not be there for her to hold me tight and feel secure the way she did yesterday? I am her mother and how can I see her feeling left alone and wailing for the protection? I don’t know what I will do tomorrow .Just hope things turn out well for her and so for me.


Going through all these, I realized how helpless we adults become when encountered with similar situations. We cannot cry loud and stretch arms to be held in, when we are made to go away from someone, something we love. We cannot express our grief openly like a child can do. We are not looked upon with empathy by anyone when left for such thrashings. We are treated like a pseudo and left alone to deal with our circumstances. We cry within ourselves and pretend to be stronger beings by behaving as normal as we can, whereas deep within the turbulence remains not the least different from the one which was going on in the heart of my little one. Why don’t even we have someone waiting outside the parking to run in and hold us up in arms when we cry aloud, when we feel left alone, when we feel departed from the one we love the most, when we feel deprived of the one we look upon for the mean of life? Why don’t we get someone to come to us and hug us tight to give us comfort and hope in living? WHY??!!