Yesterday was Mother’s day. Messages started pouring in since morning. I wished my mom, and my daughter wished me.
Day proceeded as usual and I got engaged in daily chores. In the afternoon, I got sometime with myself. I sat relaxed and slipped into various thoughts regarding my mom. Several times earlier too, I had crossed this thought and did again yesterday. I often feel that I am not as good a mother to my child as my mother was to us. The level of patience and understanding she demonstrated whole life and does till date is commendable. I never recall an inch of ego in the exchanges we ever had with our mother. For that matter, I even salute my mother-in-law who is a great support and seeked-back preference to her kids. My daughter always tells me that she loves me and I am the best mother, but somehow I still feel some void in myself which I believe affects my role as a good mother. I loose my cool so many times, I shout on her, I hit her and then all I do is simply cry and regret my actions. I wonder why don’t I learn from my mother and from my mistakes? Why do I repeat my wrong acts? I really feel bad about me being bad at times.
I did not send any SMS to my friends, neither did I replied to the received ones. The pain was for having lost one good mother recently. My Ahmedabad visit was quite good this time except for one bad thing which turned out to be the worse encounter of my stay over there. When I was at my aunt’s place in Kalol, my uncle received a call and it was my best friend at other end. She was sobbing and asked for my number.( She had lost it due to some error and could not get it again because I did not call her for almost eleven months as I was annoyed with her for some reason, and perhaps she did the same although I tried calling her husband on few occasions but could never get through). My uncle handed over the phone to me. She was crying and told me about her mother’s road accident. I asked her what was her mom’s condition.? She replied in one sentence, “Mita, please come, I need you, aunty is going”. I assured her I will be with her in next three to four hours. I left for Ahmedabad and called her when I reached my brother’s house. For some reasons, she did not give me the exact details of the hospital and asked me not to leave home before she confirms me to do so. I kept calling her all through the day, and during the last call that night she told me that her mother had gained consciousness and will recover soon. She further asked me not to visit the hospital and wait till her mom gets discharged and then I could see her at home. I agreed but doubted her truth. I kept enquiring from every possible source but she had done her job well. Everyone in my family knew what had happened but no one informed me until the day when I called her and told her that I was going to visit her mother next day. It was then when she tried several ways to reveal the truth that her mother was no more. I felt hurt, very hurt to have lost such a lovely person, to not have been able to see her for the last time and felt worse to not have been able to be by my friend’s side when she needed me the most. I cried for long and asked her why she did so, though the answer was very obvious. Keeping my health in consideration, she didn’t want me to take any shock. What a strong woman she is, just like her mother ! I was very attached to aunty and she too treated me always like her daughter. For days and till now, I keep thinking about that incident which has shaken the pillars of that beautiful family. She was the less-spoken foundation of that strongly bonded unit. My friend’s parents had a love marriage. I never saw this couple having any obvious tiff or argument in-front of others. I am sure there may be few, but the bond of love was always stronger than anything else. My friend told me her father was a completely dismayed person now, but pretends to be strong to help the kids. I know it is gonna be very tough for all of them to cope with this huge loss, but I can pray and hope that they reel out of this misfortune bravely and live their lives as that great woman had always dreamt for them.
Last week, I narrated to my friend the incident of my mother slapping me hard on my cheek just about 10 days before I got married( and this slap came after almost 16-17 years since my childhood days). The reason was that I chose to fight for the truth in-front of several relatives, and thereby embarrassing one of them, when my mother had expected me to keep quiet to avoid any undue hurt feelings. I was very upset then, but I understand today what was my mother’s dilemma at that time. She could rightly rely on and dominate her daughter rather than arguing with so called relatives. I understand this better today because I am a mother too. I often vent out my anger and frustration on Charvi when I am unable to do so with those causing that anger. I know, this is utterly wrong and I try to change this attitude of mine. I hope, I will be able to do so very soon. Charvi is a wonderful child who has taught me some beautiful lessons of my life and she keeps a check on me in her own innocent ways, when I mislead the track of life.
The best gift any woman can get in her life is the opportunity to be a mother, to bring a new life and to be the torch-bearer to the new creation of almighty. I may have done several wrongs, I may have hurt many people, I may have taken wrong decisions, I may not have been the best of human being, but one thing I can swear on my soul( for those who believe in swearing) that I have been the most honest of my being when it comes to be a mother. I may or may not succeed as the most successful one, but my efforts to give my child the best, are the best I could make, though they are always less in my view. At times, I get to hear some bitter words for this dedication of mine, but it comes all worth when my child hugs me very tight with her heart in the arms, when she kisses me the purest of it, when she sounds worried about my silence, when she moves her soft hands on my forehead to relive me of my pain, when she shares her favourite chocolates with me, when she says she wants to be like me, when she says that I am beautiful, when she says that I am the best mom, when she gives the best smile to make me feel happy…when she reminds me that she is a part of me and I am the mother to this beautiful soul…yes, all the pains, woes and disputations falls in congruence to worth, when I see myself as no one else, but a mother.
Day proceeded as usual and I got engaged in daily chores. In the afternoon, I got sometime with myself. I sat relaxed and slipped into various thoughts regarding my mom. Several times earlier too, I had crossed this thought and did again yesterday. I often feel that I am not as good a mother to my child as my mother was to us. The level of patience and understanding she demonstrated whole life and does till date is commendable. I never recall an inch of ego in the exchanges we ever had with our mother. For that matter, I even salute my mother-in-law who is a great support and seeked-back preference to her kids. My daughter always tells me that she loves me and I am the best mother, but somehow I still feel some void in myself which I believe affects my role as a good mother. I loose my cool so many times, I shout on her, I hit her and then all I do is simply cry and regret my actions. I wonder why don’t I learn from my mother and from my mistakes? Why do I repeat my wrong acts? I really feel bad about me being bad at times.
I did not send any SMS to my friends, neither did I replied to the received ones. The pain was for having lost one good mother recently. My Ahmedabad visit was quite good this time except for one bad thing which turned out to be the worse encounter of my stay over there. When I was at my aunt’s place in Kalol, my uncle received a call and it was my best friend at other end. She was sobbing and asked for my number.( She had lost it due to some error and could not get it again because I did not call her for almost eleven months as I was annoyed with her for some reason, and perhaps she did the same although I tried calling her husband on few occasions but could never get through). My uncle handed over the phone to me. She was crying and told me about her mother’s road accident. I asked her what was her mom’s condition.? She replied in one sentence, “Mita, please come, I need you, aunty is going”. I assured her I will be with her in next three to four hours. I left for Ahmedabad and called her when I reached my brother’s house. For some reasons, she did not give me the exact details of the hospital and asked me not to leave home before she confirms me to do so. I kept calling her all through the day, and during the last call that night she told me that her mother had gained consciousness and will recover soon. She further asked me not to visit the hospital and wait till her mom gets discharged and then I could see her at home. I agreed but doubted her truth. I kept enquiring from every possible source but she had done her job well. Everyone in my family knew what had happened but no one informed me until the day when I called her and told her that I was going to visit her mother next day. It was then when she tried several ways to reveal the truth that her mother was no more. I felt hurt, very hurt to have lost such a lovely person, to not have been able to see her for the last time and felt worse to not have been able to be by my friend’s side when she needed me the most. I cried for long and asked her why she did so, though the answer was very obvious. Keeping my health in consideration, she didn’t want me to take any shock. What a strong woman she is, just like her mother ! I was very attached to aunty and she too treated me always like her daughter. For days and till now, I keep thinking about that incident which has shaken the pillars of that beautiful family. She was the less-spoken foundation of that strongly bonded unit. My friend’s parents had a love marriage. I never saw this couple having any obvious tiff or argument in-front of others. I am sure there may be few, but the bond of love was always stronger than anything else. My friend told me her father was a completely dismayed person now, but pretends to be strong to help the kids. I know it is gonna be very tough for all of them to cope with this huge loss, but I can pray and hope that they reel out of this misfortune bravely and live their lives as that great woman had always dreamt for them.
Last week, I narrated to my friend the incident of my mother slapping me hard on my cheek just about 10 days before I got married( and this slap came after almost 16-17 years since my childhood days). The reason was that I chose to fight for the truth in-front of several relatives, and thereby embarrassing one of them, when my mother had expected me to keep quiet to avoid any undue hurt feelings. I was very upset then, but I understand today what was my mother’s dilemma at that time. She could rightly rely on and dominate her daughter rather than arguing with so called relatives. I understand this better today because I am a mother too. I often vent out my anger and frustration on Charvi when I am unable to do so with those causing that anger. I know, this is utterly wrong and I try to change this attitude of mine. I hope, I will be able to do so very soon. Charvi is a wonderful child who has taught me some beautiful lessons of my life and she keeps a check on me in her own innocent ways, when I mislead the track of life.
The best gift any woman can get in her life is the opportunity to be a mother, to bring a new life and to be the torch-bearer to the new creation of almighty. I may have done several wrongs, I may have hurt many people, I may have taken wrong decisions, I may not have been the best of human being, but one thing I can swear on my soul( for those who believe in swearing) that I have been the most honest of my being when it comes to be a mother. I may or may not succeed as the most successful one, but my efforts to give my child the best, are the best I could make, though they are always less in my view. At times, I get to hear some bitter words for this dedication of mine, but it comes all worth when my child hugs me very tight with her heart in the arms, when she kisses me the purest of it, when she sounds worried about my silence, when she moves her soft hands on my forehead to relive me of my pain, when she shares her favourite chocolates with me, when she says she wants to be like me, when she says that I am beautiful, when she says that I am the best mom, when she gives the best smile to make me feel happy…when she reminds me that she is a part of me and I am the mother to this beautiful soul…yes, all the pains, woes and disputations falls in congruence to worth, when I see myself as no one else, but a mother.
