(285) Karma Destiny

The trip to India which was scheduled fro 10th december was pre poned by more than a month and I came to India on 7th November. I requested leaves for my kids so that I could come here and complete my Phd thsis, do the submission peacefully and go back to Moscow a bit more relieved. 

This is how India welcomes me.Next day of Diwali, 12th November -Charvi gets burned by Diya, catches fire almost all around, I manage to douse as fast as possible only to find her burnt so much on her back, stomach and left arm. Dheeraj rushes back home to India.We do all our best to save her, treat her, cure her, and make her feel less traumatized. Next day of his arrival, he bumps my car in the gate while taking it out and mother in law brushes it along the gate while parking it back in the night.Following comes my skin allergy along side my dipping blood pressure, indigestion and fever. More doctor visits. While treating Charvi all through this, Nishka catches skin allergy all over her body- Doctor says weather,water, air change, could be anyhting dust,grass, pollution, clothes...long list.

Yesterday when my both brothers and younger bhabhi visited us to see charvi, on our way back from picking them up from airport, we visit the plot property and Dheeraj accidently gets deep cuts on his head brushing against a wired fence, only to bleed and bleed so much. Again doctor visit.

Amidst all this, my studies takes a back seat. I visit the college today only to understand so much of more technical aspects and requirements to be fulfilled before i could submit the dissertation in real sense.

I am keeping my spirits high, trying to see the positive side of everything. Trying to believe that we are being diverted to keep safe from meeting bigger dangers. Is it true? I don't know.

I have umpteen number of pages to be written down, I have thousand thoughts to compile before seeing the final form of thesis. I am feeling Physically, emotional, mentally drained.

And yet, I don't want to give up. I know I am stretching it more than my capabilities, but I really don't want to give up.

I am not a superstitious person, but I am feeling weak, helpless, feeble, disoriented. I am feeling lonely and yet I don't want any company. I don't Know why things are happening the way they ae happening. I don't know if they are the repayments of Karma or they are the shapes evolving out of Destiny's plan. I don't know anything. I never harmed anyone intentionally, I never cursed anyone, I never cheated someone of their precious ones, and thus I wonder did I go wrong in Karma and face the pain or my Karma were just right to save me from bigger harms. I just don't know anything but I just want everything to fall in place.

Send me strength,send me more faith, send me more hopes,send me more vision.

(284) My intuitions are challenging me

How I wish I could mention each and every thing very explicitly at least here, the place which is mine- My Blog. But I can't really do that too. The way my intuitions are turning into reality is really scaring me now. Not that I don't want them to work out this way, but I am scared for those few thoughts which sinks in parallel to the good ones, I hope they too don't turn out to be true. I don't know what sign is this? Why all the energies around me are hell bend to tell me something which I am not able to understand? What is that huge huge twist of fate that is awaiting me at the next turn. I am really in a dilemma right now. I fail to understand whether I should be rejoicing the turning out of things the way they are or should I be afraid of what it could bring in the following. I am not a pessimist, yet my nerves feels kind of challenged these days. I think of something and there it happens, I think of someone and there do I see, I dream of something and behold- it happens.
What is it? Keeping the fingers crossed and so badly hoping for everything to serve out just very fine. I simply cannot handle any negative as of now. Please my super duper Lord out there, kindly consider me in your dear ones. I am in no mood to cry or crib. I am completely in the frame of just being loved,pampered, and taken care of. And I know, you are listening to me!! Don't give up on me, I never gave up on you.

Well... guess what ?, today is Shahrukh's birthday. He turned 50 today. I wish I could wish him in person. Hopefully one day.