Writing and Reading are very close to my heart.At many occassions, i felt the strong urge to write and share what i felt, but the drive of denial always overtook the craving for writing. And at times, i did write but never considered uploading here. However yesterday, when i experienced something different and unsual which was beyond my banausic explanation, i decided to express.
Last year during Ganesh festival,we had ushered home Ganesha, as it was promised to Charvi a year before. My next door neighbour-friend in Pune, had helped me out to buy one idol, as I had not yet started driving then,after Nishka's birth.This year again, because of Dheeraj's usual official travelling, there remained a doubt, if we will be able to bring home Ganesha, because by now Nishka has become super hyperactive and its very difficult for me to drive with her and even Charvi cannot control her mischiefs. I was feeling little sad that Charvi may not be happy about all this.
It seemed my stars moved to blithe zone in last few days. One morning, when I was doing my chores with generating minimum disturbance possible, so as to not wake up the kids, i heard Nishka calling out for me.She repeatedly called "Mamma,Mamma".i went into the room and said, "yes Nishka"..she said.."mamma, laa..buuu..namu"..she meant..love you..nammi"..every morning when she wakes up..i greet her saying..love you Nishka, nammmi,namki,nam-nam, tumpa and all the other names which i address her with..Believe me...in days..this was the best morning..love explored in the flawless form.Am not sure if she even knows what she
said-means!,but her gesture was to greet me with a smile and wish, the way i do to her everyday.
And last week, on ganesh chaturthi, again as i was trying to finish my daily chores without disturbing the kids, Charvi woke up, gave a smile to me and went straight into her room. I thought, may be she wants to do drawing-coloring, because thats what she loves the most and does whenever she gets an opportunity. After about a fifteen minute or so, when i heard no noise from her room, i wondered what she was doing so silently. i went to her room to check out on her and guess what..!! Anon I was welcomed by another great and beautiful surprise of the time. she had made a fine idol of ganesha from her play dough, and all on her own.i was overwhelmed and left speechless.i was really happy, that God had made a way on his own to visit our home. I did Ganesh Sthapna with the same idol and all three of us did Puja for next five days.
Yesterday, as the Ganesh visarjan was scheduled by the society members for the Idol brought in the Commom Pandal, we decided to the same for our Ganesha as well.After performing the last ceremony, it was time to bid adieu to the little Ganesha.Nishka was sleeping, so I asked Charvi to look after her and meanwhile i would go and leave the idol and be back in the quickest of time. Charvi kissed her ganesha bye and I carried Ganesha in my hands to abode him in the
pandal.While i came down through the lift and was walking the distance to reach there, a gush of emotions rushed through my veins and i felt numb in the feet. I sensed a lump in my throat and an eccentric concern of saying good-bye to a loved one,dismayed my mind.And before the tears could make their way through my eyes, i had reached the pandal,where a crowd of more than hundered people was present. i tried to control my commotion and went ahead, gently placed our ganesha amongst lots of other idols which were there, perhaps been put by other residents.I bowed down, prayed and stood up to move out.But something in me was not ready to part form the place. I again looked at our idol and this time, and this time i could not hold my tears anymore. they rolled down through my cheeks and fell on my feet. i felt a strong thrust to go and hold him back and hug him and bring him back home.leaving him was so burdensome. i apperceived as if i was letting a peice of my heart go away.i felt motherly love towards that baby ganesha and thought as if it was born of my own womb. How could i let my baby go away?..I stood crying for sometime, then wiped my face with my duppatta and quickly walked out of the pandal..every step i walked away from there, was full of nostalgia and plenary love.i came home and went back to the puja room, it seemed so empty.
In my childhood days, my mother use to bring home ganesha every year. But never in my life i felt so strongly as i did this time.I have always tried to analyse every situation and occurence of my life. But this time, i really dont wish to scrutinise anything. why,how, what...nothing..nothing at all...
I have wondered many a times and i think i still wonder sometimes, that "what is love actually, though i have said "I love you" so so many times...But believe me, this time i apprehended divine love in two variant ways in last ten days...i really dont want to dig into the phenomenon to undertand its reasoning...i am utterly happy to have experienced this...and every time i think of it...my eyes still showers the rain....
Looking forward to welcome Ganesha next year and years to come..
Last year during Ganesh festival,we had ushered home Ganesha, as it was promised to Charvi a year before. My next door neighbour-friend in Pune, had helped me out to buy one idol, as I had not yet started driving then,after Nishka's birth.This year again, because of Dheeraj's usual official travelling, there remained a doubt, if we will be able to bring home Ganesha, because by now Nishka has become super hyperactive and its very difficult for me to drive with her and even Charvi cannot control her mischiefs. I was feeling little sad that Charvi may not be happy about all this.
It seemed my stars moved to blithe zone in last few days. One morning, when I was doing my chores with generating minimum disturbance possible, so as to not wake up the kids, i heard Nishka calling out for me.She repeatedly called "Mamma,Mamma".i went into the room and said, "yes Nishka"..she said.."mamma, laa..buuu..namu"..she meant..love you..nammi"..every morning when she wakes up..i greet her saying..love you Nishka, nammmi,namki,nam-nam, tumpa and all the other names which i address her with..Believe me...in days..this was the best morning..love explored in the flawless form.Am not sure if she even knows what she
said-means!,but her gesture was to greet me with a smile and wish, the way i do to her everyday.
And last week, on ganesh chaturthi, again as i was trying to finish my daily chores without disturbing the kids, Charvi woke up, gave a smile to me and went straight into her room. I thought, may be she wants to do drawing-coloring, because thats what she loves the most and does whenever she gets an opportunity. After about a fifteen minute or so, when i heard no noise from her room, i wondered what she was doing so silently. i went to her room to check out on her and guess what..!! Anon I was welcomed by another great and beautiful surprise of the time. she had made a fine idol of ganesha from her play dough, and all on her own.i was overwhelmed and left speechless.i was really happy, that God had made a way on his own to visit our home. I did Ganesh Sthapna with the same idol and all three of us did Puja for next five days.
Yesterday, as the Ganesh visarjan was scheduled by the society members for the Idol brought in the Commom Pandal, we decided to the same for our Ganesha as well.After performing the last ceremony, it was time to bid adieu to the little Ganesha.Nishka was sleeping, so I asked Charvi to look after her and meanwhile i would go and leave the idol and be back in the quickest of time. Charvi kissed her ganesha bye and I carried Ganesha in my hands to abode him in the
pandal.While i came down through the lift and was walking the distance to reach there, a gush of emotions rushed through my veins and i felt numb in the feet. I sensed a lump in my throat and an eccentric concern of saying good-bye to a loved one,dismayed my mind.And before the tears could make their way through my eyes, i had reached the pandal,where a crowd of more than hundered people was present. i tried to control my commotion and went ahead, gently placed our ganesha amongst lots of other idols which were there, perhaps been put by other residents.I bowed down, prayed and stood up to move out.But something in me was not ready to part form the place. I again looked at our idol and this time, and this time i could not hold my tears anymore. they rolled down through my cheeks and fell on my feet. i felt a strong thrust to go and hold him back and hug him and bring him back home.leaving him was so burdensome. i apperceived as if i was letting a peice of my heart go away.i felt motherly love towards that baby ganesha and thought as if it was born of my own womb. How could i let my baby go away?..I stood crying for sometime, then wiped my face with my duppatta and quickly walked out of the pandal..every step i walked away from there, was full of nostalgia and plenary love.i came home and went back to the puja room, it seemed so empty.
In my childhood days, my mother use to bring home ganesha every year. But never in my life i felt so strongly as i did this time.I have always tried to analyse every situation and occurence of my life. But this time, i really dont wish to scrutinise anything. why,how, what...nothing..nothing at all...
I have wondered many a times and i think i still wonder sometimes, that "what is love actually, though i have said "I love you" so so many times...But believe me, this time i apprehended divine love in two variant ways in last ten days...i really dont want to dig into the phenomenon to undertand its reasoning...i am utterly happy to have experienced this...and every time i think of it...my eyes still showers the rain....
