(208) Faith

Perhaps, the mysterious faith does the trick. Lying beneath all the choas of trust and no trust,being and no being,should or should not, rights and the wrongs,faith lays a great support to keep the flow unperturbed. Flow of love, flow of compassion, flow of the hopefulness, flow of the life. Yes, the repeated offences made by heart get the hustle bustling, yet the undercurrents of the huge optimism via faith gets it going again. I wonder, if I will ever be content with the outcomes that compliments my prayers and beliefs, because the more I am showered with, the more I wish to get from thee.....

(207) No words

Though I don't have the whole vocabualry mugged up in there, but I feel there haven't been invented words for some experiences we go through....

(206) Typical human mind

How typical of a human mind(say...my mind)! The thought what she(in this case,I haven't ever met that female) might think or feel about a particular matter has been hitting my head since through. Though I am so confident that I haven't wronged anyone or for that matter anything, to hurt or ill treat anyone whosoever, yet the whole commotion is so disturbing. I know it's very very foolish to think and budge oneself for something which doesn't have any base or meaning even in the thoughts, however, it is so so akin to being me that the thoughts of what other might think always, haunts me more than my own thoughts, which are rather more clarified, subtle and meaingfully assisting my intentions. Nevertheless, such rush and brush with these sorts of thoughts certainly throw some light on the probabalities of being or not being, which otherwise may not have been thought of. After all, every coin has its other side to it. Perhaps, the more favoring one is located on just a flip. Wake up, darling me.....or rather sleep....please..!!

(205) Sedated part- called heart

It's not that the individual doesn't know the way to exit. Yet getting stumbled upon in the very familiar vicinity means the blockages, hurdles are self made. Not the way, but the will to leave is missing. Perhaps, there lies a strong hidden affinity towards the surrounding which supports all the lame excuses and permits more time to stay behind rather than moving on, moving ahead. Definetely, in such matter the decisive role is not played by the brains but by the sedated part-called heart.

(204) Heartfelt Gratitudes

I know, “thank you” will not validate

To thank “You” for everything

I feel so very affirmative

You know what I mean!

 

Pains have always been a part

And will remain with my breath

But what you gave as an insight

Is an honor, love filled wreath 

We have also been childish

We have been too mature

But hardly in our bond earlier

I felt this greatly secure

 
Perhaps, it is because of

The clarity brought in the moment

Or may be due to the acceptance

Which, perchance was so dormant

The scuttle, the fracas, intolerance still exist

But now they appear, so very physical

You repeat in my mind “calm,calm,calm”

Setbacks now seems a little bit lyrical

Besides all the hustle and sore melee

There co-exist now, a pleasing serenity

How less I yearn to see you in corporeal

By far, in my heart, there remains no Malignity

I know I have been very self-seeking

To keep intruding in your tranquil precinct

It never was meant to steal your joy

It was only to earn your special squint

May be I was puerile, maybe I was selfish

Or may be desirous of, owning you more and more

Though I always knew it, you strengthened my belief

I need not quest you there, you reside in my core

Word ‘Promise’ may not pose magnitude

Let me put it straight in unpretentious sound

“God bless me”, I intend to now put down

The meddling, the bothering and the hound

I do not know, if that would be easy or tricky

But am sure, your abet will thrust me through

I want ‘You’ to be happy, I want ‘Me’ to be happy

There’s more to the life, when I say “I love you” 

(203) Was worth it...!

Charvi had received an invitation for her friends birthday celebration at Pizza Hut, one which is located around 15 kms from where we live. I had been telling her that I wasn’t sure if I will take her there. But yesterday, while dropping her at the school bus, when I told her that I wouldn’t be taking her for the birthday party, she agreed but her face became sad. The bus left, and I felt sad too. So I decided, that I would try my best to fulfill her wish. I had an acute backache, dreadfully hurting feet and head was spinning like a wheel. Still I managed to finish the day chores, put Nishka to her noon nap though forcibly, and packed the gift for charvi’s friend. When Charvi came back from school, she was happy to learn that she would be going for her party. She finished her homework really fast, did her extra study work which I make her do and was all set to move. I drove her there, dropped her and went to a nearby mall to pick up some groceries. Nishka was pestering all the time to go to Charvi. After an hour and half, we left from the mall and went to pick up charvi from the birthday venue. It had already become very dark, was raining like mad, and it became really difficult to find a parking place. Picked up Charvi and started driving back home. While going I did not find it that difficult, but when I was driving back, I felt too too tired and energy less, fatigued and completely worn-out . I requested kids to be quiet because my headache made it impossible for me to bear the slightest of noise, although there was the world honking outside the car. And it was virtually very difficult for me to drive through the high beams flashing on from the opposite direction, people overtaking me from either sides,  rains pouring endlessly, and kids eating up my head. The same stretch took around 45 minutes while going and 1 hour 20 minutes while coming back. By the time we reached home, I felt like a dead fish. But had to go on, can’t help you see, being a mother-after all. Freshened up a bit, and then fed Nishka, which again is a tough job to do, she being a poor-eater. There was no willing in me to eat anything by self. While I seated blank for two minutes, Charvi came closer to me, hugged me and said, “thank you so much mamma, you took me to the party, I had loads of fun all because of you, I know, you are very tired now, please take some rest, love you mamma, goodnight”. I hugged her good night and there came the little prankster Nishka. She loves thanking people in her special way. I had got her some chocolates for keeping her from crying and wanting Charvi while the latter was in party. She hugs very tight when she wants to say thank you. She hugged me and tried her best to occupy me in her little arms, kissed me on my forehead and then pointing to my nose she asked, “mamma hele(here)”..i nodded in yes, she kissed on my nose, then asked again pointing to my chin, “ mamma hele (here)”, I said yes, and then she kissed on my chin and repeated her questions and kisses for my cheeks, eyes and hair. And then she said in her sweet cute voice, “thanchu(thanku) mamma”….. the joy in her eyes was priceless and the love she gave me was eternal. Though the physical pain remained, but the agony caused by it got disappeared. Both of them slept after a while, and I kept watching those innocent faces, loving beings, who loves me without any reason and expectations. Around midnight, I had my dinner and then slept. The day throughout had been very pathetic, but it ended on a sweet note, thanks to Charvi and Nishka. I love you my babies.

The pain was worth it..

(202) Problem-Solution

Two days back, I happened to come across a beautiful thought process regarding the problem and problem solving skills. So without giving the prologue to how and why the entire tete-a-tete took place, I choose to mention the gist of the entire chat, assuming it may sound helpful to few, as it did appear to me.

So,

There are two possibilities

1.       You really don’t have any problem existing, but it may appear to you so, because of over and repeated thinking of having one. So stop thinking you have a problem.

2.       There genuinely is a problem. In this case,

·         Think over agreeably and identify the problem.

·         Accept it and accept the reality.

·         Think of the probable solutions and pin down the best amongst them.

·         If you don’t find any solution then either leave the problem or learn to live with it.

·         And a still better option is, to concentrate on other’s problems, it may help divert your attention from your pain.

 

I thought about the above points and added few more from my side,

It says,

 

·         Also seek the forgiveness.

-          Forgiveness from god.

-          Forgiveness from self.

-          And if possible, also from the person, if any, involved and got hurt.  

·          And if the problem has arisen out of no faults of yours…then perhaps you are being tested for your faith.

·         If you have lost something/someone, which/who used to be with you until now, then perhaps this was all that you deserved to get.

·         If you did not get what you always wished for/worked for, then perhaps it was never meant for you, you were never meant for it.

·         Also, while thinking of other’s pain, one can also strive to solve them or help the person in pain to come out of the same.

·         Think of all the good things happened in life, good times spent with loved ones, remember all the laughter, the smiles, the happy moments, the gifts, the beautiful talks, the admiration, and the many more sweet exchanges occurred between you and your people.

·         Engage yourself in all the activities which may not only be constructive and helpful, but also be beneficial to keep the thoughts of pain and failure at bay.

·         Most importantly, learn to be content. Respect what you have got and accept that what you got was all you deserved and don’t fret about not getting what you did not. Perhaps, that might ruin the charm of the times bygone that left behind the loving memories.

·         Think of those who are less privileged than you, who got everything less than you.

·         If you have received enough love in any form, from any relationship, in any measure, at any stage of your life- to think of it and smile about, then consider yourself lucky enough to keep happy. Stop moaning, start living life with a smile.

·          Expect less, give more.

·         Have faith in the almighty, he will take care of you    all the time.

 

Huge expectations and non/less acceptances- of the situations in life have always put me in pain. And am sure lot of people, have the same complaint.

Let’s expect less, accept more, complain less, rejoice more, take less, give more, hate never, love more…..forgive more…be happy more and make happy more.

……………………….while I had finished thinking through all the above, a message dropped in my phone at around 4.35am …which said….

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”- Buddha…

What a timely message to befit the closure to my thoughts on the above concern.