The more I delay, the further I get away from the essence of
the matter I always wish to write here. I guess, every time I feel the urge to
come here blogging and interact with you, I should do it in the nearest possible
time to avoid killing the spirit of the write up on the whole.
Anyways, as usual, life kept me on the tenterhooks for
various reasons. Not that I never got an opportunity to show up here, but at
times, either physical strength gave away or the mental pull waded off.
But, I am here back again. For how long, I donno. Felt quite
aloof, so thought of connecting here through.
Things I promised I’ll talk about, I’ll try and jot them
down here, but apologetically in a comparably arid form….bear with me.
(1)
During Hyderabad Visit (Jan 18-Jan20, 2015)
Besides meeting lovely friends and working
on collection of data for my research, I experienced two unusual things.
(a)One gentleman Mr. Giri, to whom we had
sold our Verna car before leaving India, had out of friendly gesture promised
us that whenever we visited Hyderabad in future, we could always count upon him
for the car, and till we stayed there, our sold out car(now in his possession)
would be ours. Well, I had completely forgotten this conversation, until I realized
on my visit there that this gentleman actually kept his words. I reached Hyderabad
late night and had put up at a friend’s place. Next morning there was this gentleman’s
driver with our Verna waiting to take me to various company visits. For two days,
the car and the driver were at my disposal. Interestingly, few of the company visits
too were arranged by this very gentleman. And when I asked him the amount I owed
for the driver and the car expense, he said, “ complete your research
successfully and as soon as possible”. Well, whatever small gifts I gave to the
driver and sent for Mr. Giri as a gesture of heartfelt thanks, the kind
endeavor delivered from his end will never be paid off, unless and until I successfully
finish my research and complete my Phd.
(b) Similarly, another gentleman who
resided in the complex where we lived before moving out of Hyderabad, also came
as a surprise supporter I had not expected. We had met only twice during our
tenure in Hyderabad for the changing of house, hence I had his number and still
when I called him to ask for his wife’s number to further help me in data
collection, he extended help in a way i had not imagined. He messaged me his ID
and password for his login to that complex online forum where people interacted
on a daily basis for various complex related and other issues. He insisted I used
his id and posted my questionnaire on his behalf to the entire community as
there were ample number of IT people residing in that complex. I urged I won’t
be using anyone’s ID and password, but he maintained his stand and said this is
the least he could do to help take my research further (when he himself was
travelling out of Hyderabad) and would be very happy to see me complete it as
soon as possible.
I may not have sounded too poignant while narrating
all of the above right now, as it’s been a long time, but believe me, the feel
of gratitude towards both the gentlemen is beyond explainable words and say. May
god bless them enough and help me achieve success in my research.
(2)
March ..International woman’s day 7th
to 9th march
I travelled to Riga with two other female
friends Prajakta and Fabiola, leaving kids and hubby back in Moscow. It was a three
day affair to Riga, Latvia to celebrate women’s day. It was a very different
experience and ended with few good lessons learnt. Well, it would have been
better if I had written about it the moment I was back, but now I can only
conclude saying that, though it was a beautiful experience, my craving for the
solo holiday still remains intact. I hope I soon get the chance to go on my
solo trip.
(3)
Maa ( my grandmother, my dadi…left us forever on
16th March)
It was a very painful phase, to get the
news of my grandmother’s demise, trying hard to buy tickets in a way that would
land me in India before the funeral, not getting them, my parents denying me to
be there later on, as anyways I wouldn’t have seen my grand mom and here kids
were due for final exams, and then listening to my dad’s worn out voice every
single day thereafter. I asked my siblings to share the pictures of all the
rituals taking place there. It was heartbreaking to see my father’s hopeless
face and mother’s exhausted exterior. I wish I could be there with them, but
thankfully my family, my brother, sister in laws and other relatives took care
of my parents enough to help them pass that difficult phase. Though my father
says he is okay now, but I can still feel the void in his voice. Cannot wait to
see my mom and dad here in Moscow. They are visiting us in June. I hope we can
give them a memorable time and stay here. I love you mummy and papa more than
you can ever imagine.
(4)
Various Episodes (Jan to April)
As usual, some lovely people made it to
successfully hurt me, and I have to be greatly thankful to my emotive and
sensitive nature for letting them get that joy. Nevertheless, yes my dear, I still
am the same, I chose to forgive, forget and move on. Though I often bump into
few of them, some indescribably complicated women, some extraordinarily smart
asses, and some incredibly brainy shitty people, I yet sustain to act with my best possible sanity
and come back home not entirely devastated. I often ask Dheeraj this question
and then answer it myself, “why Lord landed us in Moscow?”..”I guess because he
wants to make me emotionally strong person”.
Well, all said and done, everyday here is a
new lesson and I am trying my best to collect the finest messages from the life
occurrences here.
Meanwhile, we took a short trip to Prague
and Germany. I am sure, you would agree, that it’s always a value addition of
knowledge and experience when you travel to different places.
I joined classes to learn Indian Classical
(vocal). I really wasn’t keen on sharing
this news here as I wanted to learn enough and showcase it myself someday,
however I am still saying this because I want you to know that I am very happy
about my decision of learning music. The teacher may leave for India soon, but I
intend to learn as much as possible from her before she leaves. Keep sending
those lovely wishes, I need them.
As I have always been fascinated by Indian
armed forces and events and organization attached with them, it was kind of a
dream coming true when I got an opportunity to become a member of Indian Women’s
Association here in Moscow. Unlike AWA, AFWA in India, where only officer’s and
soldiers wives gets an opportunity to join, here after the wives of armed
forces officer’s and external affair/ ministry officer’s wives have accumulated
the seats, if there’s possibility of accommodating more, they welcome the other
Indian women to be a part of their group. I was lucky enough to have been
chosen by ambassador’s wife to be given a membership in mid year, which
generally is offered only in September every year. Hopefully the stint with
them will be a joyous and memorable experience. I also joined their Art club. Looking forward to learning times.
Above all, though I have successfully
compiled the collected research data and taken it further for analysis, sadly, I
still lag behind on the thesis front. A lot to be done on that part, I really
need someone to push me hard and lock me down in the zone, wherein I don’t think
of anything but my thesis. Aaahhhhhhhh…………….I really need that push. Send some
motivational vibes.
Dheeraj was out to Dubai for 8 days this
month and I had decided to utilize that time for my studies, but you know what….not
a single day..I got time to stay home enough to do any qualitative work. I was
out with friends, shopping, gathering and doing no useful stuff most of the
time.
I hope I do some value loaded work on my
thesis before my parents visits me. I want to spend quality time with them. I want
to cook my father’s favorite dishes, I want to take my mom shopping and buy her
beautiful things. I want them to smile every single day they are here. I want
my daughters to have a blast with their Nana-Nani, the way they enjoyed with
their Dada-Dadi in November last year. I really want to make the most of their
stay and want to earn many more memories with my parents.
About me, Yes, I have changed a bit. For good
or bad, I don’t know. But definitely, I am not the same person I had come from
India. At times, I feel I have given leverage to certain people more than what I
should have actually granted, but you know, that very process of letting talked
about at the cost of some inner hurts, somehow has helped me cure the
disgruntled child within me. It has also thrown some light on those faces of
mine, which perhaps, knowingly or unknowingly, I have been choosing to hide
away from. I also got to hear few valuable opinions about myself from some
close friends and well wishers here.
I know, I have a long way to go. I am told
that I am not made for this times, I should have been born a generation before,
I am too naïve and too fragile to deal with the cruelties and smartness of these
era. Well, If forgiving people too early, not talking bad about others too
often, not breaking the face of the person making fun of you, not answering tit
for tat then and there, and not finding the selfish benefits in each and every
transaction is called being naïve, then I think I would still choose to remain naïve.
I know whatever I was told, was told with a good intention and I do not intend
to answer that back in a rude way, but what I am trying to say is a simple
thing, that I am okay being not so smart, because cruel smartness would rob me
off my inner peace.
(5)
Moscow weather
Moscow weather is acting real dumb. It should
have been a beautiful springtime by now, but guess what, it snowed four days
back, it rained on and off, and it is still raining outside. It is so bloody
gloomy, dark, cloudy, and depressing. But, I think I chose the right therapy,
thankfully I chose to have a lengthy talk with you right now right here. Feeling
quite unstressed and although there still remains a lot of things I would have
loved to talk about, I need to draw it out here for this post, because there’s
a beautiful poem I have been writing in my mind since a while and which needs
to be scripted down on blog, before it gets erased like numerous earlier ones.
Lots of Love…..Mita
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