Saturday, June 27, 2015

(277) Mummy-Papa

I have never felt like this lonely earlier, whenever my mom visited me in India and went back home. Perhaps, it was different this time in few aspects. My father stayed with me at my place for the first time ever for such a long time(20 days away from his home is a big duration as per himself and he never stayed anywhere else for this long), and it was in Moscow..away from our motherland India.

It took me three hours to get done with tears and crying and settle fingers on keyboard. My parents left for India today. It was a short but very enjoyable time spent with them during their stay. I called my mom just now and felt good to hear her voice one more time in Moscow before she leaves this place. They are done with immigration and security check in and now waiting for the take off. 

They considered even the smallest detail about things and stuff they got for us, especially for me when they came here 20 days back. My dad did not forget to get me the special makhania biscuits which I used to love when I was a kid. My mom made ghughgras and got here. They brought so many lovely things including mangoes, namkeen and my favorite vegetable lady's finger.

Time flew away so fast. It seems, they had come just yesterday and left today without even letting me spent proper time with them. I am already missing them a lot. Especially my mom. I took them around so many places here, they really enjoyed, but amongst all this, I missed on spending some lone time with mom.

Last night, because of some confusion between myself and Dheeraj, I lost my cool with my father who was trying to take dheeraj's side when he really did not what the real matter was. Later, though he agreed that he misunderstood things and hence advocated dheeraj and asked me to keep quiet, but what I felt bad in the entire scenario was that I shouldnt have answered back my father.No matter, who was right and who was at fault, I should have just listened to his advice and kept quite out of respect towards him. While he was leaving this evening, very lovingly he ran his hand through my head and told me in a soft voice,"beta, gussa kam karo, learn to be patient"..I just said yes papa...

And after they left, I could not help but cry and cry. I try not to cry infront of my kids, so I closed my room door and cried out loud, I badly wanted to tell my dad that i am sorry. I messaged Dheeraj who was on the way to airport with them, to convey my apology to my father. He immediately called me back and said speak to you father and say whatever you wrote in the message. Hesitatingly, I spoke with him, but he was his usual cool and said, just forget about it, relax, enjoy your life and take care of the kids well, don't loose your cool with them very often.

I don't know, if I ll ever be able to become such a balanced person like my father is. So composed and so matured. He has a big forgiving heart and a loving soul. How I wish, I could just undo the last day's tiny incident where I answered him back. However, I later realized, that the piled up frustration was also because of the thought which kept hammering in my mind that it was their last night here and deep in my heart, I was already upset about it. Though the issue was not that big, but I still feel, after so many days of fun, why did I do such a stupid thing yesterday. He was his usual cool self this morning, and asked me in his same caring way, if I was not keeping well because I did not wake up even after an hour had passed after my last alarm call. He treated me like a ten year old child. I love my father and I am proud of being his daughter.

I dont want to see my parents leave this world till I am alive. I dont know if I can witness that loss and stay sane enough to continue living. I have so much to learn from both of them. Few days back, mom asked me to dial few of her friend's number in India. Phone was on speaker, and I was in awe to learn from each conversation that my mom was so important to each of her friend. Everyone of them had one common thing to say and that was, " Tum kab wapas aa rahi ho, tumhare bina kuch achha nahi lagta, sab tumhe bahot yaad karte hai"... she may not be meeting all of them every single day, but the way she has maintained and nurtured all of her relationships is commendable. I am proud to have such a caring and responsible mother. 

Both of my parents, asked me this time to learn to be patient and less short tempered. I didnt promise them anything because I know myself very well..its a tough job for me to keep cool when something is not right. But now, while writing this, I decide that I will definitely put more efforts to fashion my ways of conduct in more subtle, calmer and balanced manners.

I love you Mummy-Papa....Miss you...Proud of being your daughter..and looking forward to see you both in India sometime soon. Love..

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